advice | The Caleb Barney Collection

Be yourself

It will always be easier to blend in with the crowd or to disappear by not speaking an original thought. When you’re different, it makes people uneasy. They want you to believe the same things they do.

In years past, it seemed like people were more understanding of differing opinions and realized that while others may not believe the same things they do, they’re still not “bad” people…

But in today’s world, where cancel culture reigns supreme, if you disagree with someone, instead of having a debate on the topic, they try to get you fired or silence you in some way. They try to pressure you into speaking or acting like everyone else.

Your challenge is to stand up for what you believe in. Don’t take the easy way out and fall in line with the crowd. Be able to think things through on your own and articulate your reasoning. And if others disagree with you? Don’t try to silence them. Try to understand them. Once you understand their viewpoint, it will be easier to try to persuade them to your way of thinking (or for you to change your thinking with the new information you have). Sometimes others just need to be heard – and nobody can hear what the other person is saying in a shouting match.

How to think about goals…

For any goal you have, you need to think of four things. They are as follows:

1. What is the main goal you have in mind? (What is the end result you are looking to achieve?) Start off thinking big, then we can break this down into more manageable goals later.

2. What obstacle is in the way – what is preventing you from achieving that goal? (Hint: There is always a barrier to something you want, otherwise you/others would already have it. If you don’t know what it is yet, guess…can you anticipate what may get in your way?)

3. What is your plan to overcome the obstacle? What do you need – time, money, experience, help from someone else, etc.? How do you go about getting those things? What actions do you need to take to set you up for immediate success vs long-term success?

4. What will the result be by you taking/not taking specific action? Will you reach your goals or fall short? If you fall short, that’s ok. Just realize that you either didn’t take the right actions (you need to change your strategy) OR you didn’t take enough action (try doubling your efforts if you believe you were on the right track).

Dressing appropriately

Dress to impress. You decide what that means…just keep in mind that first impressions count. Keep the setting in mind with where you are going/what you are doing. If you have any doubt in your mind between what you should wear, choose the “fancier” of the two options. I’d rather be overdressed for an occasion than underdressed (trust me, I’ve done both).

Focus and effort

If anyone is an international example of success, Dwayne Johnson has to be in the conversation among the most relevant at this time. He has said, “Success at anything will always come down to this – focus and effort.”

After thinking about it, any amount of limited success that I’ve had has come as the result of those two things. And there is a positive correlation as well…The more focus and effort you put into something, the greater the results will be. You have to put in work for something to work. And you can’t do it inconsistently either. You have to focus on it, otherwise you are basically starting from scratch every time.

For example: Imagine working out once per week. You might get marginally healthier, but if your goal is to be as physically fit as possible, you’re not going to see the results you want. You have to go consistently, with a clear objective, and work hard towards achieving those goals.

Keep your eyes on the goal

“Obstacles are the things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.” – E. Joseph Cossman

When you’re excited, motivated, and focused on your goals, it’s easy to not let anything get in your way. But when you stop focusing on your WHY and start looking at bad things that are happening TO you (instead of FOR you), it’s easy to become discouraged.

The best way to remain focused on a goal is to write it down and look at it/think about it daily. If it is constantly in front of you, it will be harder to focus on anything else.

The next thing you should do is change your mindset to that of a victor, not a victim. Things don’t always go your way – there will always be obstacles. That’s what happens in life. But if you think of yourself as the hero of your own story, overcoming obstacles will just be the next part of the story – plus, it makes it more interesting! Think of how boring Harry Potter would have been if he didn’t have to defeat Voldemort, think of Frodo in the Lord of the Rings without having to overcome Sauron, or of the Rebel Alliance (good guys) without trying to overthrow the Galactic Empire in Star Wars. Without the possibility of defeat, it makes movies/books/life less interesting.

Lastly, practice gratitude to reframe your outlook when obstacles inevitably arise. There are always people out there less fortunate than you. You are capable of coming back stronger after defeat, of getting up after you get knocked down, and for that, you should be grateful. Practice being grateful and nothing can keep you down for long.