Tag: advice

What to do (or not) in today’s “outrage culture”

There are a lot of hot button topics/issues at any moment in time, some legitimate and some not so much. Being in the United States, we have a remarkable freedom to say what we want. It’s a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t mean that we should abuse that freedom. We shouldn’t say mean or hurtful things as is so often done by the “tough people” on the internet. So with today’s blog post, I wanted to touch on two things I’ve been thinking about lately – 1) stop being so easily offended and 2) don’t apologize unless you really mean it.

First of all, we should always work to improve ourselves and one of the best ways to improve yourself is by improving your happiness. With that logic, removing happiness would be a way to make your life worse then, right? Well, one of the quickest ways to remove happiness from your life is to take offense to the everything around you. Today’s first action step is to not be so easily offended.

In today’s “outrage” and “cancel” culture, people seem to take offense at the most minor issues. If you feel you’ve been wronged, take a moment to think before reacting. Did the other person actually do something terrible to you? Was it done maliciously? Or was it a mistake? Do they even know that you feel this way?

Remember, you can’t control what other people do, you can only control your actions and reactions to them. If you live in America, chances are that you’re better off than the majority of the world and aren’t facing issues to the same extent as someone living in a hut in a third world country. Put your “problems” in perspective and stop being so easily offended.

The second thing that I think many of us should work on is to not be apologetic unless you really mean it. I’m not confrontational. I don’t like conflict, so I avoid it when I can. If you’re like me, you may find yourself apologizing to someone for offending them even if what you did isn’t bad in your eyes. Stop doing that. It’s inauthentic and won’t mean very much if you continue doing the same thing you just apologized for.

Think about why you’re saying sorry before you do next time. If someone is mad at you, don’t say sorry just to get back in their good graces if you don’t believe what you did was wrong. If you feel that what you did was right, you should either stand up for your actions (if it’s something worth “fighting” for) or let it go (if it’s something small). But don’t get defensive. If you are, is it because you are actually the one who offended now? They’re allowed to voice their displeasure and disagreement with you. That’s the whole freedom of speech thing that we talked about in paragraph one.

If you’re allowing yourself to become upset because someone else is offended by something you said or did, take a look in the mirror. Are you perpetuating the cycle of having thin skin? Don’t do exactly what you want others to stop doing. Don’t be offended by something that doesn’t really matter in e grand scheme of life.

To recap, don’t take the little things in life too seriously and try to be sensitive to how others feel. Yes, we have the right to a freedom of speech, but that doesn’t mean that you should try to provoke others. Be nice. Try to be the bigger person. If you change your mind about something you’ve said or done in the past, admit it and apologize to those you have legitimately wronged. And when others disagree with you, learn to let the little things go and instead choose to be happy.

Earning confidence

When you work hard for something, when you earn it, it means something. You’ll appreciate your reward more because you understand the effort required to obtain it. You’ll have more confidence in your ability to overcome obstacles, because you’ve already faced those obstacles and defeated them. Having earned confidence, but still being humble about it, is an attractive quality that will lead to more business down the road.

So what do you do when you’re just starting out in a new field and have no experience? How can you transition from a stage of naive confidence to one of earned confidence? I break it down into five tips below.

1. Beware that you don’t compensate for a lack of earned confidence with too much false bravado.

You should be confident in your abilities and be decisive with your actions, but don’t act as if you know everything. People will either see through you or they’ll believe what you say and end up resenting you if you steer them in the wrong direction (because you presented yourself as the “expert” and they misplaced their trust in you).

2. Ask (better) questions.

It’s ok to ask questions to clarify what your customers are asking. If you assume they’re asking about A, but really they’re wondering about B, you’re not doing them any favors by answering something that is irrelevant. And if you assume the meaning behind their question incorrectly too many times, you’ll probably frustrate them and make them look elsewhere for answers.

3. Be ok with saying, “I don’t know.”

It’s ok to tell someone, “that’s a great question. Let me find out and get back to you.” If you present information as fact and it turns out to be wrong, you lose credibility and trust with those you are dealing with – negating any chance to create a repeat customer or a raving fan who would refer others to you.

We do things when we are naive not because we are trying to be reckless, but because we either are trying to prove to someone that we are an expert in our field, that they made the right decision by trusting us, or because we think something is true (even though we don’t actually know). Often, our ego gets in the way. We think the other person may think less of us if we don’t know the answer so we make one up. STOP DOING THAT! You don’t know what you don’t know and that’s ok, as long as you can recognize and admit it. Others will respect you more if you’re honest with them and then work quickly to get them the correct information.

4. Find a mentor

Find an honest, reputable mentor (or willing and able teammate) in your field and rely on them when you’re unsure of something. Even if you‘re pretty sure you are correct, it’s not a bad idea to bounce an idea off of someone who is willing to help and wants to see you achieve success. Just be sure to take notes and be cognizant of their time. Don’t ask the same questions over and over again. Not much will make a mentor want to stop working with you more than if you take up their valuable time by asking questions they’ve already answered.

5. Become obsessed

To have more earned confidence, you need more experience. You can let the experience come to you or you can go get it.

Grant Cardone wrote a book called Be Obsessed or Be Average. I’m not the biggest Cardone fan, but he makes a lot of good points. If you want to be an expert, if you want to earn confidence in a specific field, you need to live, eat, breath, and sleep it. Expect your results to reflect your effort.

Malcolm Gladwell discusses a similar idea with the 10,000 hour rule, saying that anyone can become an expert at something in 10,000 hours. It’s up to you to determine how long it takes to get to the 10,000 hours. Do you want to do it in five years or two and a half? If you want to master your profession quickly, you need to become obsessed with it.

I hope these five tips will be helpful for you today. But remember, you will always have more to learn. Don’t be afraid of the unknowns. The more truths you can uncover, the better positioned you will be as an expert in your field.