advice | The Caleb Barney Collection

Don’t go broke trying to look rich.

I saw this post from FinancialSimplified on Instagram and loved it. How many people spend above their means just to try to impress other people?

If you have the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality, it’s going to take you a really long time to build wealth. And if you’re ok with that, that’s fine. But if you have children, maybe it’s time to shift that mindset. I say this for a few reasons…

1) It is your duty as a parent to live responsibly, and to teach your kids to live responsibly. This goes for health, work ethic, attitude, teaching them about money, etc. If you have bad money habits and idolize material things or trying to impress others with your new clothes, new shoes, new car, etc, what does that teach them?

2) You don’t have to leave your adult children anything. At that point, they should be self-sufficient. I remember my dad saying that when he passed away, he wanted his last check to bounce. I have the complete opposite mentality. When I pass away, I want to leave my kids with millions. As long as I’ve given them the proper financial background so they don’t blow the money, and I’ve raised them to be good human beings (moral, just, etc), I’d be more than happy to relieve any sort of financial burden from their shoulders. If you don’t have to worry about how you’re going to pay your bills, it gives you the freedom and creativity to try new things that can be more fulfilling.

We never know when we’re going to pass away. If you’re not financially set, or if your passing will create hardship for your significant other and your dependents, you need to have life insurance set up. It’s a small cost for you right now, but if you leave this earth without it, the people you love most will suffer the most – not only emotionally, but financially too. If you needed two incomes to pay for your house, child care, food, transportation, and general living, what kind of stress and struggle will your family encounter if you pass away and they’re left with nothing?

3) You owe it to yourself. Why is it that we love ourselves so much, we are all so selfish in a way, but we care about what other people think? Why should other people’s opinions of us matter when they don’t really even know us?

You know yourself. Are you buying that $500 fancy wallet to impress yourself, even if there is no money in it? If I did that, I would feel worse about myself. Why cave into others’ expectations? Why have no money left over to spend on an experience with my wife and kids? And, not only that, but you’ll feel like an imposter too. Sure, you look rich. But you’ll know that you don’t actually have the money to back it up.

Don’t go broke trying to look rich. Don’t try to impress people you don’t know, you don’t like, and who don’t have to deal with your poor financial decisions.

We all have to start somewhere. Live within your means. If people laugh, just know that as long as you keep saving and investing money, trying to increase your income constantly while it increasing your spending, you’ll eventually have the last laugh. You’ll get to retire early when they are still slaving away in their 9-5.

A hedgehog or a fox?

Are you a hedgehog or a fox? This is based on Stephen Covey’s writing…

While it is naturally appealing to be a fox (to be good at many things, but not world class in anything), should our goal be to become a hedgehog (be laser focused on mastering one thing, being world class at it, and benefitting from it)?

The idea here is to go deep in one particular subject. Read about it, write about it, talk with others who have already done it (mentors), talk with others who are on the same path (mastermind), listen to books and podcasts, and teach it (to those “behind” you on the path and to those who are not yet traveling on that path).

Learn even more by experiencing it yourself…You’ll make mistakes along the way, but as long as you take the time to figure out what went wrong (or what you think went wrong) and then get back up and try again – you’ll be better for it. In fact, some people think failing quickly and failing often is the key to success.

Because we are amateurs when we first set out to do anything, we don’t know what we don’t know. Nothing will ever be perfect and if we wait for perfection to get started then we’ll never get started. There is no perfect time. The “perfect” time to get started is right now…

If we do finally decide to take action, despite all of our preparation (aka procrastination), we will still make mistakes. So it’s best to get those mistakes out of the way and “fail” quickly! Because, in reality, it’s only a failure if you give up. Otherwise it’s only a bump in the road.

Go deep. Master one subject then try to expand to other related areas after you’ve truly grasped one. If you spread yourself too thin, you might be able to become a Jack of all trades and a master of none. But that will take a long time. If you focus on one (like a laser), you can “quickly” master it and move onto another subject if your heart desires.

Leadership and development

“The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.” – Charles Schwab

If you want to bring out the best in people, you must work on how you communicate with them. Here are some quick tips:

Be firm, but fair.

Be gracious.

When they do something good, reinforce that behavior by praising them for their effort.

Show your appreciation for them and provide encouragement.

Help them develop a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset.

If they haven’t done something right, it’s a learning experience, not a failure.

They can get to where we need them to be with the right attitude, practice, and learning from their mistakes (and the mistakes of others).

Occasionally, you may need to push them a little. People like their comfort zone. But if they want to reach their full potential, they will need to go outside of it.

Hold them accountable. If they say they’re going to do something, check in with them to make sure they’re on track to complete it. If they need help, you can help them brainstorm, but don’t just give them the answer. If you do this then they will always bring their problems to you and not try to think of solutions on their own.

Phrases to cut out of your life

1) “You always/you never”…Usually, when we use this phrase, we’re blaming someone for something. You always do this thing wrong. You never do this thing right…when in reality, that’s just not true. They may do something that irritates you, but you need to do a better job of explaining to them why it upsets you. If they don’t change (and even if they do, they’ll still likely forget from time to time), do your best to let it go. You’ve said your piece. You can’t force someone to do something.

2) “Why do you/why are you”…I’m only referring to using this in an accusatory tone of voice. “Why are you ___?” instantly puts whomever you’re questioning in a defensive position (much like the “you always/never phrase above). Instead, try to ask them how they’re feeling, if anything is wrong, what their thought process was that caused them to feel/act that way, etc.

3) “I have to”…You technically don’t have to do anything. You get to do that thing. Work on being more grateful for the opportunity to do it. You get to go to work today – to earn a living, to accomplish a task, to pay for food/water/shelter, etc. Change your attitude.

4) “I can’t”…Your mind is a powerful thing. If you constantly tell yourself you can’t do something, you’ll believe it. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” So while you may be unable to do something right now, that doesn’t mean you won’t always be able to not do it. Instead of saying “I can’t,” ask yourself “how can I?”

5) “That’s impossible”…See the paragraph above for “I can’t.” There are some things that don’t seem possible, but if someone else has achieved it, you already know that it is possible. Plus, how many times has the human race done something that most people thought was impossible (like sailing around the world, flying in an airplane, going to space, etc)?

6) “You make me”…Once again, this is a very accusatory statement and will likely escalate the argument rather than diffuse it. But you should also remember that you have to take responsibility for how you feel. If someone “makes you mad,” do you not have any control over your own emotions? If not, you can be easily manipulated by anyone who knows how to push your buttons. Change your attitude/perspective.

How to succeed when dreaming BIG

Anything is possible. You just have to set your mind to it and avoid distractions. What is the most important thing that I need to accomplish today? What actions do I need to take to accomplish that? What resources do I need to accomplish that? If I’m unable to accomplish it on my own, who do I need to connect with to help?

Once you figure all of those questions out, go out and do the one thing. But don’t get complacent afterwards…instead, figure out what the next most important thing for you to do is and start the process all over again.

The universe rewards action. It’s not what you know, it’s what you do. Who cares if you have the knowledge but don’t do anything with it?

Dream big. Don’t dream for just an above average or realistic goal. What would your best life look like? Why not try to accomplish that instead?