attitude | The Caleb Barney Collection

Tolerant with others. Strict with yourself.

You know what you should do, so go do it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like it. If it’s the right thing to do and it needs to be done, don’t waste anymore time procrastinating. It may be easier to skip that workout, to eat fast food, to go on a spending spree, or to not speak up against injustice, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to not do what you feel is right. Or, maybe you do what is needed, but you only do the bare minimum. Be careful of this. How you do anything is how you do everything. If you start looking for shortcuts, eventually that will be your default behavior.

That being said, that’s what YOU should do. That doesn’t mean that you should hold others to the same standards. Don’t mistake this for letting them off the hook and letting them get away with things that are dangerous, amoral, or illegal. They shouldn’t take advantage of people and still need to be called out (or stopped) when they’re doing something egregious. But for the little things that don’t really matter? Skip the criticism.

Others may do things differently than you – in a way that appears to be less effective and less efficient – but at least they’re doing it. If they ask for advice or for help, then offer it. But don’t do it before then. And don’t judge them for not doing something like you would. After all, those are your standards, not theirs. Be tolerant of their decisions, but strict with your own. If you feel your way of doing things is the “best way” to currently do them, don’t lower your standards just to make things easier for yourself.

Realistically optimistic

Make the best of any situation. That doesn’t mean that you have to view every situation as a positive one. But it does mean that you should not dwell on the negative or on what you cannot change…

You CAN be an optimist and a realist at the same time. They do not have to be mutually exclusive. Being realistic is very important. But a lot of people don’t realize what they’re actually capable of and they view things as being “unrealistic” or out of reach when really they just haven’t found the right way to get what they want yet.

Figure out a way how to make a bad situation better. Do not be easily overcome when things don’t go your way. Stop saying, “I can’t do it.” Instead, ask, “How can I do it?”

4 requirements to have a great relationship with your significant other

1. Show them that you want to be with them. Be interested in their stories. Pay them sincere compliments. Make them feel good about themselves and make them feel desired. Ask yourself, are most of your interactions with them positive, negative, or neutral (the silent killer)?

2. Show them appreciation. When they help you, make sure you point out the specifics about how their actions have made your life easier or improved your life in some way. Never forget to thank them and do not take their helpfulness or thoughtfulness for granted. Ask yourself, when was the last time you thanked them for doing something “expected?” Do you still thank them for picking up the groceries, folding the laundry, or taking out the trash? Yes, those things need to be done. But maybe you should be the one to do those things (or, at the very least, say thank you when they get done).

3. Show them respect. Never get into a name-calling argument. Even if you disagree with their opinion or action, approach them with respect. Don’t roll your eyes, make snarky remarks, or make audible sounds (like sighing) to express your disapproval. Avoid being passive aggressive and instead be respectfully upfront with them. Have you noticed yourself doing any of these things? Stop it. And if you do catch yourself doing it, apologize right then and there.

4. Show them love. You can want to hang out with someone, but not love them. You can appreciate what they do for you, but not love them. You can respect someone, but not love them. Even though your significant other should be a treasured friend, don’t lump them into the “friend zone” with everyone else. Show them love and speak their love language. When was the last time you showed your significant other affection? When was the last time you hugged them, kissed them, or…(you get it)? Maybe their love language isn’t physical touch. You could try other things like getting them a gift “just because” or writing them a note each morning. Try different things, but always show your love for them and your relationship stands a good chance of not only surviving, but thriving.

How our thoughts make our reality

The world reflects your own feelings back to you. Reality is neutral. Nothing is “good or bad,” but our thoughts make it so.

Change your thoughts and you can change your life. Not only can you make things better or worse by what you do, but also what you say, think, and feel. Shift your mindset to a positive one, where every setback is another opportunity to learn and grow, and where every success is a stepping stone to greater achievement. Choose to be happy and helpful. Choose to not let others’ actions or words affect you, unless you it is to have a positive affect on you.

Ego – is it good or bad?

The unhealthy ego can be such a detriment to our lives. Everybody thinks that they’re better at “x” than those around them. For example, if you ask 100 people if they are above average, average, or below average at nearly any task they complete regularly (like driving a car), the majority of them will say they are above average.

The problem with an unhealthy ego is that it makes you inclined to place judgment on others. When you think you’re better than others, you tend to treat them differently. You are more likely to point out the window, casting blame, instead of looking in the mirror first. “It’s their fault…I didn’t do anything wrong.”

When you judge, it can help you temporarily feel better. But really, it separates you from others. It isolates you and makes you feel lonely. If the person who made the mistake is on your team, it can erode your team chemistry. And if they are someone you’re dealing with in a transaction, it can suddenly make the situation much more combative than it needs to be. Judging others (even if you don’t realize you’re doing it) is a short-term “fix” that does not serve you in the long run.

The ego is not all bad though. If you are without an ego, you may not have the confidence to branch out and try something new. You may not believe in yourself or your ability to complete a difficult task. You need to have an ego, but just don’t let it get out of control.

Try to have a healthy ego. A healthy ego should allow you to have belief in yourself – that you’re a capable, responsible, honest person who does things with integrity. Once your ego grows too large, you may notice that you believe that everything you do or say is right and that nobody should ever question you. No matter how much success you experience in life, make sure you keep others around you who will challenge your thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Do not be upset with them when they do this, otherwise you are subconsciously training them to not provide any feedback that doesn’t praise you.