attitude | The Caleb Barney Collection

Don’t go broke trying to look rich.

I saw this post from FinancialSimplified on Instagram and loved it. How many people spend above their means just to try to impress other people?

If you have the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality, it’s going to take you a really long time to build wealth. And if you’re ok with that, that’s fine. But if you have children, maybe it’s time to shift that mindset. I say this for a few reasons…

1) It is your duty as a parent to live responsibly, and to teach your kids to live responsibly. This goes for health, work ethic, attitude, teaching them about money, etc. If you have bad money habits and idolize material things or trying to impress others with your new clothes, new shoes, new car, etc, what does that teach them?

2) You don’t have to leave your adult children anything. At that point, they should be self-sufficient. I remember my dad saying that when he passed away, he wanted his last check to bounce. I have the complete opposite mentality. When I pass away, I want to leave my kids with millions. As long as I’ve given them the proper financial background so they don’t blow the money, and I’ve raised them to be good human beings (moral, just, etc), I’d be more than happy to relieve any sort of financial burden from their shoulders. If you don’t have to worry about how you’re going to pay your bills, it gives you the freedom and creativity to try new things that can be more fulfilling.

We never know when we’re going to pass away. If you’re not financially set, or if your passing will create hardship for your significant other and your dependents, you need to have life insurance set up. It’s a small cost for you right now, but if you leave this earth without it, the people you love most will suffer the most – not only emotionally, but financially too. If you needed two incomes to pay for your house, child care, food, transportation, and general living, what kind of stress and struggle will your family encounter if you pass away and they’re left with nothing?

3) You owe it to yourself. Why is it that we love ourselves so much, we are all so selfish in a way, but we care about what other people think? Why should other people’s opinions of us matter when they don’t really even know us?

You know yourself. Are you buying that $500 fancy wallet to impress yourself, even if there is no money in it? If I did that, I would feel worse about myself. Why cave into others’ expectations? Why have no money left over to spend on an experience with my wife and kids? And, not only that, but you’ll feel like an imposter too. Sure, you look rich. But you’ll know that you don’t actually have the money to back it up.

Don’t go broke trying to look rich. Don’t try to impress people you don’t know, you don’t like, and who don’t have to deal with your poor financial decisions.

We all have to start somewhere. Live within your means. If people laugh, just know that as long as you keep saving and investing money, trying to increase your income constantly while it increasing your spending, you’ll eventually have the last laugh. You’ll get to retire early when they are still slaving away in their 9-5.

Leadership and development

“The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.” – Charles Schwab

If you want to bring out the best in people, you must work on how you communicate with them. Here are some quick tips:

Be firm, but fair.

Be gracious.

When they do something good, reinforce that behavior by praising them for their effort.

Show your appreciation for them and provide encouragement.

Help them develop a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset.

If they haven’t done something right, it’s a learning experience, not a failure.

They can get to where we need them to be with the right attitude, practice, and learning from their mistakes (and the mistakes of others).

Occasionally, you may need to push them a little. People like their comfort zone. But if they want to reach their full potential, they will need to go outside of it.

Hold them accountable. If they say they’re going to do something, check in with them to make sure they’re on track to complete it. If they need help, you can help them brainstorm, but don’t just give them the answer. If you do this then they will always bring their problems to you and not try to think of solutions on their own.

Phrases to cut out of your life

1) “You always/you never”…Usually, when we use this phrase, we’re blaming someone for something. You always do this thing wrong. You never do this thing right…when in reality, that’s just not true. They may do something that irritates you, but you need to do a better job of explaining to them why it upsets you. If they don’t change (and even if they do, they’ll still likely forget from time to time), do your best to let it go. You’ve said your piece. You can’t force someone to do something.

2) “Why do you/why are you”…I’m only referring to using this in an accusatory tone of voice. “Why are you ___?” instantly puts whomever you’re questioning in a defensive position (much like the “you always/never phrase above). Instead, try to ask them how they’re feeling, if anything is wrong, what their thought process was that caused them to feel/act that way, etc.

3) “I have to”…You technically don’t have to do anything. You get to do that thing. Work on being more grateful for the opportunity to do it. You get to go to work today – to earn a living, to accomplish a task, to pay for food/water/shelter, etc. Change your attitude.

4) “I can’t”…Your mind is a powerful thing. If you constantly tell yourself you can’t do something, you’ll believe it. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” So while you may be unable to do something right now, that doesn’t mean you won’t always be able to not do it. Instead of saying “I can’t,” ask yourself “how can I?”

5) “That’s impossible”…See the paragraph above for “I can’t.” There are some things that don’t seem possible, but if someone else has achieved it, you already know that it is possible. Plus, how many times has the human race done something that most people thought was impossible (like sailing around the world, flying in an airplane, going to space, etc)?

6) “You make me”…Once again, this is a very accusatory statement and will likely escalate the argument rather than diffuse it. But you should also remember that you have to take responsibility for how you feel. If someone “makes you mad,” do you not have any control over your own emotions? If not, you can be easily manipulated by anyone who knows how to push your buttons. Change your attitude/perspective.

Leadership and making mistakes…

Give people permission to make mistakes and the obligation to learn from them.

We all make mistakes – always have and always will. Think back to a time when you were young and impressionable, when you were inexperienced at something…when you wade a mistake, did your teacher/mentor/parent berate you for making a mistake? If they did (and you consistently received this negative feedback), you may still carry some of that baggage with you today. You might be too scared to take any chances at all, for fear of “messing up.” But if you never try anything new because you might make a mistake, you’ll severely limit your growth. You are capable of so much, but you will often have to try and fail many things before building off of those experiences.

If you’re in a position of “power,” whether that’s being an employer, boss, manager, parent, mentor, role model, teacher, coach, etc., make sure you let those around you know that it’s ok to make mistakes! They shouldn’t be happy that they made a mistake and should always try to learn and grow from their mistakes, but despite their best intentions, sometimes they still will slip up. (We all do.)

Make sure you’re creating an environment that knows people have permission to make mistakes, but the obligation to learn from them.

It’s your choice

What you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. — “Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become.” – Heraclitus

What you think about and what you do on a daily basis is who you become.

Are you thinking positive thoughts or negative ones?

Are you surrounded by optimistic people who lift others up or people who gossip and only talk about what’s wrong in their life?

Do you walk around with a smile on your face or do you mope around like Eeyore?

You get to choose who you become by controlling your thoughts, words, and actions. You can’t change what you’ve done in the past, but you can make a decision to do better today and, more specifically, start with your next action. Live intentionally and you’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish/who you can become.