Controlling your responses to negative stressors

Everyone feels the same emotions…fear, insecurity, heartache, hunger, tiredness, anger, joy. What separates our role models and heroes from those who we do not look up to is how they respond to those emotions.

If you want to be the best version of yourself, take a look in the mirror. How do you respond under stress? Do you take out your frustrations on others or treat them poorly? Would you want your kids to act like you do when you’re stressed?

If you want to be more like your role model(s) or to become a role model, the first step is to be aware of how you’ve seen others react under stress. Are there people you would like to emulate?

After you’ve seen the responses of others and determined which actions you deem commendable, the next step is to be aware of how you currently react under stress. What behaviors, actions, or words do you say/do that you’re proud of and what do you want to stop doing?

After taking note of what you already do, start monitoring how you’re doing from this point forward. Be strict, but forgiving with yourself. You want to start taking the right actions right now. But if/when you mess up, own your mistakes/actions, apologize if necessary, and move forward.

Cut yourself some slack, especially in the beginning, because it takes a while to form a new habit (of responding appropriately to any/every situation). But remember, if we want to be the best version of ourselves, if we want to be a role model to our kids, if we want to make others around us feel better about themselves, and if we want the world to be a nicer place, it all starts with us. We can’t control what other people think, say, or do, but we can control ourselves. It just takes practice.

What to do when you’re feeling sad

When you feel sad, go do something. Do something that usually makes you happy. Take your mind off of whatever is bothering you, not to completely distract you from pain, but to let you come back to it later with a different perspective. Go work out, hang out with friends, watch a movie, read, be productive… Movement is key. Don’t sit and wallow in your sorrow. You’re likely not going to come up with a solution to your problem if you only focus on the bad and feel sorry for yourself.

Smile. Laugh. Move. It’s hard to be sad and laugh at the same time. When your body feels good (like during/after a workout), it can trick your mind into feeling good. Get going and you will begin to feel better. And realize, all things pass with time. The sadness you’re currently feeling will eventually go away on its own, but it will go away even quicker if you help the process.

Do you have a warrior’s mindset?

Do you have a Warrior’s mindset? When things get tough, will you fight or will you lay down? Can you adapt and overcome? Will you persist through failure, getting up after you’ve been knocked down?

Make no excuses. Do not complain. Embrace the “suck.”

Things will get better if you consistently take the right actions – making logical “bets” with asymmetric risk/rewards (that is, finding actions that do not carry much risk, but have outsized rewards). The more you string together good days the more success you set yourself up for. It’s like a flywheel…at first it can be hard to get started, but once you get momentum going, it’s hard to stop. Work hard to build momentum and then it’s much easier to keep it going.

Spreading joy to make yourself happier

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

Joy, happiness, and laughter are contagious! Even if you are not happy, trying to make others happy can help improve your mood as well.

If you’re moping around, you may get attention in the short-term. Nice people or people who care about you will ask how you’re doing and try to offer encouragement or advice. But if you’re constantly down in the dumps, eventually people will not want to hang around you as much because you’ll drag their mood down too.

Be happy. Try to make others feel good. The more you can genuinely make others laugh or be happy, the more they’ll want to do the same for you. And you get the positive benefit of doing something nice for others, which will increase your happiness.

A quick reminder to not take life too seriously

Unless the events that are happening to you are life-altering such as a birth, a death, a job change, a (fill in the blank)… if it’s something that is a one-time event that can change the rest of your life, then don’t take it too seriously. It’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Will one night of poor sleep affect you for the next 10 years of your life? Will one missed work out mean that you are shortening your lifespan? Will one bad performance or bad review kill your career or business? Get into the habit of asking yourself, “will I even remember this happened to me a month from now?” (let alone ten years or more from now).

Of course, if you let these small things happen often enough, they will affect your life. But you don’t need to stress yourself out by overemphasizing the importance of every single event, every meal, every bedtime, or every workout. Do the right thing most of the time, but don’t stress. Everything is going to be ok.