attitude | The Caleb Barney Collection

A positive attitude

If you frame everything as a challenge to learn from, life will seem less overwhelming. If you frame a bad outcome like everything is going against you and the world has it out for you, it’s going to be a long life. Change your perspective and you will be much happier because everything is a learning opportunity – a chance foe you to get better.

Ask yourself…how will this obstacle help me grow and make me get better? What am I learning from this? Am I learning new things to avoid? Are there things that I should be doing better? Do I have blind spots that I was unaware of?

If you are able to remain positive, yet realistic, in the face of adversity, your mindset will set you up for greater success down the road. This is not saying you should be naive about what you’re facing, nor is it saying that things are always going to work out for the best, but whatever you focus on is going to be amplified. So if you focus on the positive, you’ll see the positive in things. If you focus on the negative, it will seem like everything is going wrong for you (even when you have a lot going in your favor).

Stay away from negative people

However good or bad life is, a lot of it depends on your mindset.

Negative people? They have a problem for every solution.

Positive people find solutions to every problem.

How is it that someone working the same profession as someone else finds working 40 hours to be miserable and is always complaining, while the other person is putting in 55 hours and you don’t hear a peep from them?

How is it that one person gets up early if they want time to themselves or to work on a task, but another person sleeps in and complains there’s not enough time in the day?

I could go on and on with examples. But the point is that life is what it is. The circumstances are similar for all of us, but it’s how we view the circumstances (how we interpret them) that makes a difference. Do you want to be a positive person or a negative person? And do you want to hang out with positive people or negative people? Find solutions. Be the solution. And stomp out the problems.

Changing your perspective like this will change your life

“Nothing is perfect in life. Trying to make things perfect is the foolish mistake. It’s about trying to manage things as they are and as they come.” – Paraphrased from Andrew Santino on The Joe Rogan Experience (podcast).

There is no such thing as perfect, so don’t drive yourself crazy trying to have a “perfect” life. Life is amazing because of its imperfections. When the kids are acting up, when the dishes aren’t done, when the house is a mess and the toys aren’t put away…that’s part of the trade off of having kids. But I wouldn’t change any part about it.

Yes, we should focus on teaching them to pick up after themselves, to treat themselves and others with respect, to not throw tantrums, and to help with chores around the house, but if we only focus on what’s “wrong,” we overlook so much of what is right.

We are fortunate to have kids – so many people can’t. We are fortunate that we’re healthy – so many people aren’t. We are fortunate to call a place home – so many people are homeless. We are fortunate to have a job – so many people are jobless.

If we focus on what we don’t have, we’ll lose what’s right in front of us. And no matter how much we have, it will never seem like it’s enough. But if we focus on what we do have, we won’t even notice what we’re “missing.”

How to lose

Don’t let your competitive side get the best of you. It’s fun to win. It sucks to lose. But keep things in perspective. Unless your livelihood or your family’s livelihood depends on you winning this game/earning the contract (whether in sports or in business), it’s probably not worth losing your cool over.

Don’t flip the monopoly board, throw the controller, or punch a wall because you lost. Everyone loses something in life. That’s just how life works. If you’re not losing in something then you aren’t pushing yourself to play against the proper competition.

When you lose, lose with dignity. You’ll maintain respect. If you lose and act like a child? People will lose respect for you.

Finding Happiness

When it comes down to it, I believe our ultimate goal should be to be happy. That should be the “why” behind all of our actions. But we need to break this down further to truly understand it. We should not confuse short-term happiness for long-term happiness, or vice versa. For many people, their short-term happiness hinges on doing something that feels pleasurable at the time, but comes at the expense of their long-term happiness.

For example, going on a spending spree occasionally is fine, but doing that everyday will make you go broke in the long run and you’ll have to delay retirement.

Eating pizza or doughnuts is really enjoyable at the time, but do it everyday and you’ll likely be working your way towards all sorts of health problems.

Taking a day off from working out or reading to let your body and mind recharge is great, but to never work out or read puts your body and mind in a deficit over time.

You need to find the balance between short-term happiness and long-term happiness. The easiest way to do this is to find enjoyment in the process of everything you do. If you can find as much overlap as possible where what you want to do in the short-term is actually benefitting you kn the long-term, that’s when you’ll really feel supercharged instead of like you’re always sacrificing happiness now for happiness in the future (or vice versa).

So, what helps to shape our happiness? Usually, it is some combination of striving to be our best selves (mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and financially), of feeling a sense of accomplishment by doing something difficult, of contribution (helping others/volunteering/giving back), and of gratitude (being thankful for what we have and not comparing ourselves to others). Find ways to intentionally incorporate actions that push you towards this and you’ll find happiness much more often.