Tag: bad

Letting our experiences shape our perceptions

Perception is interesting. What one person perceives as good event can be perceived by another person as bad. One person could ask you an innocent question, such as, “why are you doing that?” And they’re genuinely curious because they haven’t seen someone do what you’re doing before, or at least haven’t seen it done in that way. If you perceive this the wrong way, you may automatically get defensive – thinking that they are judging you. But, in reality, they are just curious.

I feel that we assume we know what another person is thinking, or what their intentions were when they did something, way too often. We think too deeply about their words or actions, when it would be better if we just dig deeper and asked them more questions so that we could gain a better understanding of what they’re really trying to ask/accomplish.

Our perceptions are based on our mindset and our previous life experiences. Sometimes there is a deeper meaning to why something was said/done, but other times, the person/animal was just making conversation or acting on instincts. For example, I was listening to a podcast the other day when the host talked about hearing a dog bark. For him, that triggers the fight or flight response. He was bitten by dogs three times as a kid, so hearing a dog bark equates to danger in his mind. But for someone like me, growing up with dogs and always having good experiences with them, I may feel happiness when I hear a dog bark. Ultimately though, the dog is just barking. We don’t know if it is a good or bad thing (and depending on who is looking at it/hearing it, it could be both). The barking is what it is. The dogs may see a squirrel. It may be playing with other dogs. Or, it could be protecting a bone, its home, or its owner.

It’s only natural to be shaped by our experiences and to project what we think something means when we encounter others. But, we should be careful to assume we know the meaning or the reasoning behind someone’s words/actions. Don’t get defensive if someone asks you a question. Instead, dig deeper to see what they’re truly asking (if there is a deeper meaning).

Labeling

Avoid tying your identity to a group or characteristic. Stop labeling yourself. For example, do not view yourself as smart. This will get you in trouble eventually. If say you are smart, or let other people’s kind words influence your opinion of yourself, you could fall into the trap of viewing your decisions as always being right and be close-minded to others’ suggestions.

On the flip side, don’t label yourself as your feelings either. Instead of “I’m depressed,” you should say, “I feel sad right now because X.” It is important to understand that you are not what you feel. Your feelings fluctuate throughout the day – they are temporary, but if you dwell on the bad and tell yourself that is who you are, your mind will work hard to keep you in that rut.

Lastly, do not identify yourself with a political party. Why should you have to choose between labeling yourself as a Republican or Democrat? Shouldn’t you come up with ideas and solutions on your own instead of having answers fed to you? Don’t follow the herd and just say or do whatever a party leader says. You don’t need to have an us versus them mindset. Instead, try aiming for a more inclusive mindset. How can you include more people in your life and improve their lives? Don’t follow others blindly. You can take the best from one person’s/group’s opinions and merge it with the best from another to develop your own guidelines. Make sure that what you say and do aligns with your core values – who you are and who you want to be as a person.