Tag: children

A few thoughts on parenting interactions with kids

Show them unconditional love. Tell them that you are always proud of them. They shouldn’t need to get good grades to earn your love.

Let them be curious. If they’re into something, make that thing seem important to you too. If they ask questions, no matter how silly they are or how many there are, encourage them to ask more. At the very least, don’t get annoyed when answering them.

Teach them that it’s ok when things don’t go their way.

Teach them that honesty is key, but if they can convey their honest opinion in a nice/respectful way, always opt to do it in that manner.

Be supportive, but not overbearing. Let them fail, but step in before it’s catastrophic.

Helicopter and lawnmower parents – STOP! You’re hurting your children!

Life is like a fight. In the beginning, we’re wearing one of those fat sumo suits where if we make a mistake or get knocked on our butt, it won’t hurt much.

As we progress through life, we slowly start increasing in levels of difficulty, risk, and pain. The mistakes we make run the risk of being more consequential to our lives. So after the sumo suit, maybe we are wearing headgear, training gloves, kneepads, etc. And when we get into junior high or high school, maybe we’re just wearing boxing gear. By the time we graduate college, we are now preparing for a world of bareknuckle boxing.

There will always be difficulties in life, but for the parents who try to clear a path and not let their kids ever fall or get hurt, they are actually doing them a disservice. Because when their kids get out into the real world and have to face other bareknuckle boxers, but they haven’t made it past their sumo suit training, they are going to be in a world of pain and not know what to do with it.

We need to build up our pain tolerance (and our children’s pain tolerance) by failing early and failing often. Life is not meant to be all rainbows and butterflies. We’re not only going to have sunny days. We need to encounter the dark days and know that we’ll make it through. It will help us overcome the challenges that inevitably come with living.

Think about that when you’re parenting. It sucks to watch your kid experience any sort of pain, whether that’s physical or emotional. But your job as a parent isn’t to make sure they never experience pain, it’s to make sure that they know how to respond to it and come back stronger.

Half-baked thoughts: Varying levels of parenting

Levels of parenting:

1) Being a parent = Having a child.

2) Being a good parent = Taking care of your child/children.

3) Being a great parent = Taking care of yourself and your child/children.

It doesn’t take much to be a parent, but it does take a lot of time, effort, and sacrifice to be a good or great parent. The difference between good and great might not be what you think though…instead of giving more to your kids and never letting them struggle, I think a great parent lets their kids find things out on their own.

A great parent lays the foundation for their children – making them feel loved and safe, providing a roof over their heads, and giving them access to healthy foods. A great parent also teaches their kids manners, how to respect others and to be kind, and to have a good work ethic.

But a great parent is not a helicopter parent (or, a lawnmower parent). They don’t hover over their children – never letting their kids experience failure or disappointment. They also don’t clear a path for their children – making their lives so easy that they never experience struggle.

Lastly (at least for this post), a great parent takes care of themself as well as their children. They eat right, exercise their mind and body, and are financially responsible. They are there to serve as a role model for the kids, who inevitably will learn from the parent’s actions. This not only allows the parent to have their own time to recharge, but it also gives the kids some independence from their parents.

Rules of being a good parent

Every parent wants what is best for their kids. These “rules” are something quick I thought about for my 3-year old and 1-year old. The rules will grow and modify as they get older (such as teaching them to be respectful, responsible, and have good work ethic, talking about philosophy, etc). But for now, with my limited experience as a parent, I feel these are a good start for any new parent. Read below and let me know your thoughts in the comments section!

Rules of being a good parent:

1. Be interested in them and give them your attention…When you’re with them, be PRESENT. Don’t be on your phone or watching tv. Don’t think about work. Ask them questions and actively listen to them.

2. Don’t be afraid to say no…kids shouldn’t feel entitled to anything. When you said no, stick to your word. Don’t give in because they’re throwing a tantrum. It’s always going to be easier to give them what they want, but is that helping them in the long run?

3. Teach them that actions have consequences – whether those are good or bad consequences depends on the action.

4. Support their interests. You may not like whatever they happen to be into at the moment, but if it’s not hurting them, support them. Be interested in what they’re interested in, even if you have to fake it. Let them be themselves and explore things on their own without you influencing them to like/dislike something. They should figure that out on their own.

5. Tell them you love them. They should know how much they mean to you and they should feel loved and supported. Tell them you love them and that you’re proud of them everyday.

Facing adversity to minimize entitlement

The sooner you can allow your children to experience adversity, the better off they will be. Ideally, they should face small problems/hurdles to overcome, with the hurdles gradually increasing as they are able to mentally and physically overcome them.

If you shield them from every pain, if you protect them from ever receiving negative feedback, they won’t be able to withstand even the slightest pain when they grow up. Imagine how embarrassing it will be when they are eight years old and still don’t know how to share toys/games. Or when they cry for not getting their way when they are nine. Imagine them being a poor sport when they lose a game because you always let them win.

They need to understand rejection, defeat, and not always getting their way. If you always cave in to every request (candy, buying them games, etc), they will expect life to do the same. But that’s not how life works and they will be in for a rude awakening when they finally figure that out. That’s why so many people who are entitled. They think they deserve something just because they are them. They weren’t taught proper manners and expectations at a younger age and have brought a child’s mindset to adolescence (and beyond).