I’m introverted and generally very goal-oriented. I enjoy working hard and always staying busy. And with that, I feel that my conversational skills are often lacking. I am not big on small talk. I usually feel like I want to move onto the next thing on my checklist and that stopping to make casual conversation is unproductive. But it’s those conversations about “nothing” that help to build relationships and establish feelings of trust. It’s actually very productive (indirectly) if you can take the time to connect with others, as long as you’re still leaving time to complete other tasks (you can’t sit around and gossip all day). This has been one of my biggest social flaws ad is something I’m working to improve…
The key to improving in anything in life is first to be aware that you are deficient in an area. I’ve done that here. With conversational skills being the deficiency, I delve a little deeper into what I think makes up a good/great conversationalist. Basically, there are three parts to being a great conversationalist.
1. Asking the right questions
The first part is knowing what questions to ask. If you don’t know a person, their interests, etc., sometimes it can be difficult to strike up a conversation. But if you have a general understanding of how to start conversations (asking open-ended questions, usually about the person or a topic that the person has an opinion on) and you also have a vast knowledge of current events or miscellaneous information, this is a helpful start.
2. Be curious
After knowing what questions to ask, you have to actually ask those questions and be interested in the person’s response. You need to listen to what they’re saying and respond accordingly. If you’re interested and curious in what they are saying, this will naturally lead to more questions on your part. Give verbal or physical cues showing your interest. Don’t be over dramatic on this and don’t be fake about it, but if you’re actually interested in what they’re saying, encourage them to talk more.
3. Contribute to the conversation
The third part to be in a great conversationalist is to have interesting things to say and to be willing to share stories with others. If you have great stories to tell, but you are only giving people one word answers and not making it appear as if you’re open to have a conversation, they will shut down and try to look elsewhere. Or if you are asking them questions, but not adding to the conversation, it will seem more like an interrogation.