Tag: compassion

Courage

Have the courage to fail.

Have the courage to be rejected.

Have the courage to think outside of the box.

Courage is the mother virtue. All other virtues depend on you being courageous enough to take action when it is difficult. When you encounter fear, do you have the courage to face it? If your other virtues are put to the test, they won’t stand up unless you have enough courage to do so. Are you willing to tell the whole truth even when it might get you in trouble? Are you willing to show compassion to those who are looked down on in life? Can you keep your integrity and speak up for things on which you vehemently disagree, even in a room in which you’re the only one who feels that way? Those all require courage to be present.

Compassion vs. coddling

Understand the difference between compassion and coddling. You can be compassionate but still stern. You don’t have to be rude, but you do have to tell the truth…even when it’s easier to tell a “white lie.” Being truthful is compassionate – telling someone what they need to hear even if they don’t want to hear it. Some people say it’s tough love, but really, it’s just love.

Pride vs ego

Don’t confuse pride with ego. They are very similar in many respects, but the difference is pride is used in a way to make you perform better, whereas ego is often something that hinders performance.

For example, with pride you hold certain standards for yourself and you want to live up to them. What you have accomplished or overcome in the past is a result of a mixture of work ethic, attitude, specific intelligence, talent, and luck. It is a non-malicious, self-centered vantage point. You take pride in doing things a certain way because others can expect good results when they come to you. If you are on a team and others do not have the same values are you, it can leave you frustrated because you feel your name (and the results that come with it) may be tarnished if you don’t live up to the hype. Pride can get in your way, but for the most part it is good to have a sense of pride in what you do and how you do it.

With ego, you are more concerned with your reputation than you care about what you do or how you do it. You view yourself as someone of importance and feel a sense of deserved respect. When ego gets in the way, it’s because you believe yourself and your opinions matter more than others – everything you do is right and anyone who disagrees with you is wrong. Instead of being able to take criticism or compromise on issues, ego can cause you to dig deeper and take a stand. Ego doesn’t let you see the other person’s point of view.

Don’t let ego get in your way. If you disagree with someone, try to detach from the situation and understand where they are coming from. Why are they acting the way they are? Even if you end up disagreeing after you’ve heard them out, take the time to really listen to them, to make them feel understood, and talk with them. Don’t yell at them, try to silence/intimidate them, or wait for your turn to make a point/talk at them. The world needs to calm down. The more compassionate we are, the better off we will be.

(P.S. Compassion doesn’t mean “giving in” to an opposing viewpoint…listening is compassionate. And if you still disagree, disagree respectfully and treat them how you would want to be treated.)

Respecting others isn’t about honoring your wishes, it’s about theirs

You can judge a man’s character by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. Treat everyone you meet with respect. Be kind and compassionate. But don’t confuse respect, kindness, and compassion by “helping them” with unwanted charity.

Some people don’t want your help, at least not in the way you intend to offer it. Don’t let your ego get in the way (“I helped X amount of people last year” or “I donated Y amount to charity.”) Don’t patronize those you are “helping.” If you openly show others pity or give them charity, it can be demeaning.

The “treat everyone you meet with respect” line in paragraph one includes respecting their wishes. Because at the end of the day, you get to go home. But if you’ve taken away their dignity or their pride by giving them charity they didn’t want, you’ve actually left them in a worse position than where they began.