Tag: confidence

Doubts and confidence

“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.” – Alexandre Dumas

Before you start something, you should at the very least have some sort of hope that you will succeed. If you think it’s possible, you give yourself a chance to achieve it.

Beyond hope though, you should strive to have confidence in yourself. The difference is that when you are hopeful, you’re not necessarily thinking that you are the reason for your success. With hopes and wishes, outside influences are the main reasons for your success or failure. You begin to rely on luck or on other people in order to achieve. But with confidence, while you still may need assistance from others, you understand that you determine your future with your actions.

If you doubt yourself or lack confidence, you almost guarantee that you will not succeed in whatever specific thing you are trying to achieve. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because it will not only show in your actions, but others will pick up on your lack of confidence as well. If you’re selling something, the people whom you are selling to will feel that your lack of confidence is a reflection of how you feel about the product/service you are offering. As a result, they don’t buy from you (I don’t blame them), which then lowers your confidence even more.

Be confident in yourself. If you don’t think that you can do something yet, learn more about it. Read about it. Ask people who are already in that field about best practices and common pitfalls. Eventually though, you have to learn by doing. Once you put enough practice in, you will earn the confidence to succeed. And if you still don’t think you can do it, then you’re probably right. Your mind will find ways as to why you can’t or shouldn’t do it and it will become your truth.

Earning confidence

When you work hard for something, when you earn it, it means something. You’ll appreciate your reward more because you understand the effort required to obtain it. You’ll have more confidence in your ability to overcome obstacles, because you’ve already faced those obstacles and defeated them. Having earned confidence, but still being humble about it, is an attractive quality that will lead to more business down the road.

So what do you do when you’re just starting out in a new field and have no experience? How can you transition from a stage of naive confidence to one of earned confidence? I break it down into five tips below.

1. Beware that you don’t compensate for a lack of earned confidence with too much false bravado.

You should be confident in your abilities and be decisive with your actions, but don’t act as if you know everything. People will either see through you or they’ll believe what you say and end up resenting you if you steer them in the wrong direction (because you presented yourself as the “expert” and they misplaced their trust in you).

2. Ask (better) questions.

It’s ok to ask questions to clarify what your customers are asking. If you assume they’re asking about A, but really they’re wondering about B, you’re not doing them any favors by answering something that is irrelevant. And if you assume the meaning behind their question incorrectly too many times, you’ll probably frustrate them and make them look elsewhere for answers.

3. Be ok with saying, “I don’t know.”

It’s ok to tell someone, “that’s a great question. Let me find out and get back to you.” If you present information as fact and it turns out to be wrong, you lose credibility and trust with those you are dealing with – negating any chance to create a repeat customer or a raving fan who would refer others to you.

We do things when we are naive not because we are trying to be reckless, but because we either are trying to prove to someone that we are an expert in our field, that they made the right decision by trusting us, or because we think something is true (even though we don’t actually know). Often, our ego gets in the way. We think the other person may think less of us if we don’t know the answer so we make one up. STOP DOING THAT! You don’t know what you don’t know and that’s ok, as long as you can recognize and admit it. Others will respect you more if you’re honest with them and then work quickly to get them the correct information.

4. Find a mentor

Find an honest, reputable mentor (or willing and able teammate) in your field and rely on them when you’re unsure of something. Even if you‘re pretty sure you are correct, it’s not a bad idea to bounce an idea off of someone who is willing to help and wants to see you achieve success. Just be sure to take notes and be cognizant of their time. Don’t ask the same questions over and over again. Not much will make a mentor want to stop working with you more than if you take up their valuable time by asking questions they’ve already answered.

5. Become obsessed

To have more earned confidence, you need more experience. You can let the experience come to you or you can go get it.

Grant Cardone wrote a book called Be Obsessed or Be Average. I’m not the biggest Cardone fan, but he makes a lot of good points. If you want to be an expert, if you want to earn confidence in a specific field, you need to live, eat, breath, and sleep it. Expect your results to reflect your effort.

Malcolm Gladwell discusses a similar idea with the 10,000 hour rule, saying that anyone can become an expert at something in 10,000 hours. It’s up to you to determine how long it takes to get to the 10,000 hours. Do you want to do it in five years or two and a half? If you want to master your profession quickly, you need to become obsessed with it.

I hope these five tips will be helpful for you today. But remember, you will always have more to learn. Don’t be afraid of the unknowns. The more truths you can uncover, the better positioned you will be as an expert in your field.