Processes vs outcomes

Don’t fall into the trap of only keeping track of your outcomes. It is important to note the difference between the work you put in leading up to the outcome and the outcome itself. What I mean by this is that no matter what you do to prepare for a certain event, there will always be luck involved which is out of your control. For example, you could know the probability that something will occur “X” percent of the time (like a poker hand) and be a relatively good predictor of that thing actually happening. But no matter how much information you have, you have no control over the amount of luck (in your favor or against you) which will occur.

Say you’re playing Texas Hold’em. You’re dealt pocket aces (two of the highest cards) to start the hand. Unless one of your opponents has the other two aces in the deck, you always are starting out with the higher probability of winning before any other cards are shown. But say you lose with that starting hand 3 times in a row. Would you vow to never play pocket aces again, even though statistically you are favored to win? No. That would be valuing the outcome over the process.

The processes you follow should be based on what gives you the best chance to achieve your goals. It may not always work in your favor, but if you are always putting yourself in position to succeed, more often than not, you will.

Measure your processes, not the outcomes. If the outcomes always seem to be going against you, test your assumptions about the processes (maybe you’re missing something). And be sure to not only dwell on the negative outcomes (it’s easier to remember something bad that has happened as opposed to the many good things that have occurred).

Success, happiness, and the life you want for yourself

What does success mean to you? For the longest time, I thought it was being great at your job, making a lot of money, winning (even in competitions you didn’t realize you were/are in). But none of that matters without happiness. If you are able to do those three things, but you’re not happy or those who matter most to you aren’t happy, then what’s the point? Granted, in order to feel happy, you need to feel useful. But you can be useful by doing other things – by helping around the house, by making others feel good when they’re around you, by having a good balance of achieving goals but still relaxing with friends and family…not everything needs to be about hitting goals. If that’s your life, you’ll eventually discover that “winning” something only brings temporary happiness and it never loves you back. Take care of those around you, try to achieve balance in your life, and work at being happier each day. Because, if I have to choose money or happiness, I’d choose happiness.

Happiness EQUALS success.

Success does not necessarily EQUAL happiness.

Protective parenting

Being a parent of young children, I finally understand why you have those overbearing, overprotective parents. As a parent, you never want to see your child hurting – whether physically or emotionally. But we have to accept that pain is part of life and we cannot (and should not) try to shield them from everything.

We want to protect our children, but the irony is that the best thing we can do is let them experience hardship. If you don’t let them experience any pain, they won’t be able to cope with facing more difficult circumstances.

One of the best feelings a person can have is overcoming adversity. Facing a stacked deck and still winning. Why would you want to take that away from them? There is no thrill in victory without the possibility of defeat. If you know that you can’t lose, what’s the point of playing the game? It becomes boring. The same goes for your children…

If you have children, let them struggle. Part of experiencing the highs in life is also knowing about the lows. Don’t jump in to try to save them from being able to know and understand both. Helping them right now can actually be hurting them in the future. But it’s important to start small and to start young. The more quickly they are able to stumble and fall, yet get back up, the better off they’ll be in the long run.

Success, money, and fame

“I’d rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.” – Sophocles

Don’t trade your integrity for fame, money, or “success.” Those things come and go, but you’ll always have to live with your decisions. Outward success does not mean you’ll feel inward contentment. It may take longer, but if you live in a way where your actions align with your values, you’ll end up happier without sacrificing your honor or time with loved ones. And, to me, that is a truer measure of success than only counting fame or money.