do what is right | The Caleb Barney Collection

Pause before acting (when you’re afraid)

Whenever you are afraid, try to take a step back before making a decision. Before you decide to act or not act, try to remove yourself from the situation. If a friend came to you with a problem asking for your advice, what would you tell them?

Do not make your decision based on the fears that you have. Make your decision based on what you feel is right. What would you be proud of either doing or saying in that moment.

Would you be embarrassed to tell your parents, siblings, friends, significant other, or children about how you acted or reacted in that moment. If you are embarrassed of it, why? Is it because you did not act with courage? Is it because you acted in a way that didn’t align with your values?

Never act or react solely out of fear.

Trust

Always be conscious of your decisions and the long-term effects (or side effects) they may have. You can spend years doing the right things, but if you cut corners or are involved in questionable activities, it can take seconds to ruin your reputation. Once you break that trust, it will always be in the back of that person’s head on if they can trust you again or not. It could literally take a lifetime to repair that trust, but who knows if it will ever happen.

The best way to maintain and strengthen relationships is by thinking about the long-term. Don’t acquiesce to immediate gratification. You might feel pleasure once (in the short-term), but then live with regret for the rest of your life. Do yourself a favor and live with integrity. It will help others to like and trust you, but more importantly, it will allow you to like and trust yourself.

Speak up for things you care about, but let the rest go

Don’t get pulled into arguments or debates over things that don’t matter to you. Be prepared to lose some battles by biting your tongue when needed or by compromising on things you don’t feel strongly about so that you can “win” the things you do care about. If you nitpick every little thing, always trying to win every argument, your words will carry less weight when you actually need to “win” an argument about something you care deeply about.

If it doesn’t matter to you, or if you don’t have a strong opinion about something, don’t get worked up and bent out of shape when discussing it. Ask yourself how whatever it is you’re talking about actually affects you and your loved ones. If it doesn’t have any major repercussions, let the other person do what they want without you trying to force your advice on them.

Tolerant with others. Strict with yourself.

You know what you should do, so go do it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like it. If it’s the right thing to do and it needs to be done, don’t waste anymore time procrastinating. It may be easier to skip that workout, to eat fast food, to go on a spending spree, or to not speak up against injustice, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to not do what you feel is right. Or, maybe you do what is needed, but you only do the bare minimum. Be careful of this. How you do anything is how you do everything. If you start looking for shortcuts, eventually that will be your default behavior.

That being said, that’s what YOU should do. That doesn’t mean that you should hold others to the same standards. Don’t mistake this for letting them off the hook and letting them get away with things that are dangerous, amoral, or illegal. They shouldn’t take advantage of people and still need to be called out (or stopped) when they’re doing something egregious. But for the little things that don’t really matter? Skip the criticism.

Others may do things differently than you – in a way that appears to be less effective and less efficient – but at least they’re doing it. If they ask for advice or for help, then offer it. But don’t do it before then. And don’t judge them for not doing something like you would. After all, those are your standards, not theirs. Be tolerant of their decisions, but strict with your own. If you feel your way of doing things is the “best way” to currently do them, don’t lower your standards just to make things easier for yourself.

Courage

Should courage be the foundation of everyone’s core values? I believe justice, integrity, generosity, and perseverance are also very important values to have, but without the courage to act on what we need to do, will any of those virtues be followed in times of trouble?

We need to be courageous to face uncomfortable situations. Without courage, we are more likely to default to whatever is easiest. Sometimes, to be courageous will require us to confront others, whether they are our peers, someone in a position of authority, or maybe someone you are supposed to be leading. Hopefully we don’t need to confront others often, but it will be necessary at some point in life, regardless of who you are.

Are we standing up for what we believe in, even if it means that we may suffer for doing so? Without courage, we won’t speak up when we see injustice. Without courage, we won’t do what we know is right just because there are roadblocks (like other people). Without courage, maybe we will be less likely to give because we fear we won’t have enough. Without courage, we will give up at the first sign of struggle.

Practice being courageous. It will take time and we will mess up many times along the way. But if we give ourselves some grace, and keep trying to do what is right no matter the consequences, eventually being courageous will become easier for us. Then, not only will we be able to sleep better at night knowing we stood up for what we believe, but we will also gain the respect/admiration of others.