Tag: failure

On resilience

I read a quote/meme on LinkedIn recently that said, “Instead of prioritizing teaching kids to be resilient, we should focus on eliminating traumatic events.”

While I think that the person who said this is coming from a good place, I disagree with it wholeheartedly.

Absolutely, I wish there were less traumatic events in life. I wish there were no school shootings, I wish there was no bullying, etc, etc.

But we can’t control everything – including what others do, say, or think. If we don’t try to teach kids to build resilience by overcoming defeat and by seeing/facing traumatic experiences, eventually, trivial events will seem traumatic to them. If the worst thing that happens to them is they get a “B” on their report card, that will be considered traumatic to them. After all, nothing else bad has happened to them, so they have nothing else to compare it to. That becomes the most traumatic event in their life. How will they handle it? They can try harder, or they can play the victim card (which it seems is what society caters to).

We can’t stop death. What happens when a kid faces the death of a loved one? It’s already hard for them (and it always will be/should be). But if they have never encountered any challenges along the way, do you think they will be more or less equipped to handle it?

So, while I do want their to be less trauma in the world, I think it is imperative that we still focus on teaching/building resilience and mental toughness. As John F. Kennedy said, “Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.”

Life can be difficult. Instead of wishing for it to be easier (less trauma), make yourself stronger (mentally, physically, and emotionally) to handle it.

Playing it safe is costing you

If you want to “play it safe” or to not be criticized, you can find ways to hide. Don’t take the shot. Don’t take the risk of losing, messing up, or looking foolish. Don’t play the game…

But if you do that, you limit how much you can grow and how great you can become. Each time you fail, you learn something. You grow. You become more anti-fragile. Use those failures as stepping stones for your success.

You can stay within your comfort zone, but by doing so, you’ll never reach your full potential.

The fear of losing is holding you back

People fear losing so much that they end up losing. Everyone wants to be rich, but they are so afraid of possibly losing money, that they don’t invest. They lose out on reaching their potential because they play it too safe. It’s like the saying goes, everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die. But if you don’t die, you can’t go to heaven. You are going to have ups and downs in life, you’re going to have failures and setbacks. But if you avoid risk altogether, you’re also avoid reaping the best rewards and guaranteeing that you won’t reach your full potential.

No risk = no reward.

Your level of success depends on this

You can be mildly successful by never going out of your comfort zone, never speaking up or standing out, and never really risking much. But when you don’t risk anything, you cap your upside.

The best social media influencers realize this. Many of them say provocative things to increase engagement. The greater amount of comments on their post will tell the algorithm of Facebook, Instagram, etc that this is a popular or trending topic and then shows that to more people (which, if it really is a controversial post, often leads to more engagement). It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. To gain the greatest social media success, you can’t stay small. You have to be ok with people disagreeing with you (sometimes vehemently). It’s easier, and more comfortable, to not post anything. But if you don’t say anything, it will be harder to be seen. To maximize your success in this avenue, you need to be willing to step outside your comfort zone, to speak up, to stand out, and to risk being criticized.

I really don’t like using that example because I don’t want to encourage anyone to say something they don’t believe in just to get more likes, follows, comments, recognition, etc. But I used that example because I feel like many people can understand it. If you value comfort, stay small and unrecognizable. But if you value maximum exposure, you’ll have to take the good (success) with the bad (risk of failure).

What you can’t do if you fail

Never fail due to a lack of effort. Go down swinging. If you’re not skilled enough to do something or if you’re not smart enough to grasp it, that’s a capacity issue that can be addressed. With the right coaching, determination, and attitude, you can improve on those things. But effort requires no skill, no intelligence. You either give it your all or you don’t. And if you’re not trying, you deserve to lose.