family | The Caleb Barney Collection

Chasing money

What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? – Mark 8:36

As a competitive, ambitious, frugal, investor-minded individual who comes from humble beginnings, this graphic speaks to me.

The competitive side of me wants to be in the top 1% of everything I do (including financial-related goals).

The ambitious side of me wants to prove to myself, my family and friends, my acquaintances, etc. that I can do anything I set my mind to.

The frugal side of me wants to have the financial security money can bring.

The investor side of me hates waste and focuses on being as efficient as possible (like investing in assets and having my money work for me).

But when I think about what’s really important in life and what brings me the most joy, it’s not money…

I’m happiest when I’m hanging out with family – whether that’s at home, going on mini adventures to the zoo, watching our kids hang out with their cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents, or going on our yearly trips to Mohican, Hocking Hills, or the beach.

I’m happiest when I’m working out and competing with friends at the gym (whether or not they know I’m competing with them is up for debate).

I’m happiest seeing friends and playing board games with them for game night or going out and grabbing something to eat.

I’m happiest finding people homes to live in or to invest in and negotiating the best terms for them.

And when I think about all that makes me happy, I realize that I don’t need to always be chasing 💸…life is easier with money, to be sure. But as long as I’m keeping things in perspective and still able to enjoy life while pursuing money, that will be enough for me.

Don’t lose your family, friends, or health chasing money. Because in the end, what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?

Impact and self-worth

Don’t get your sense of self worth from what you do for money or how much you have of it. Instead, think of what value you bring to those around you.

How will others remember you when you die? If you were to ask everyone you know what 3 adjectives describe you, what would they say? Would you be happy with how others think of you or do you need to start living differently?

Your impact on others will be remembered far greater than how much money you earned or what you did professionally…

What is your definition of success?

Everyone has their own definition of success. Even if they don’t have it written down (most don’t, including myself) or it’s not the same definition every time they think of it, when they hear the word success or successful, they have an idea of what it looks like to them at that moment. And it’s different for everyone because we all have different goals in life. For example, if somebody doesn’t want to have children, being a great mother or father would not be a picture of success for them. Some people don’t want to work long hours (or any hours for that matter), so working their way up the corporate ladder would not be there idea of success. Nobody is right or wrong in the situation, it just depends on how you define success.

My current “definition” is that to be truly successful, you need to be able to succeed in many different types of environments. I want to accomplish great things like spending quality time with my family and friends, working towards good physical, mental, and financial health, building a career I can be proud of, taking time for hobbies and games that excite me, etc. I don’t want to be so lopsided that my success in one aspect of life gets in the way of my success in any of the other areas. I want to be complete, well-rounded, and above average in everything I do. Naturally, I will fall short in some areas at some time periods of my life, but if I can get up every time I fall down and keep going, I’ll be satisfied.

What is your definition of success?

Your happiness starts with YOU

“To be happy together, you first have to be able to be happy alone.” – Mark Manson

You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy – it has to start with you. If you don’t like yourself, how you look, how you act, what you do, or how you do it, how can you expect someone to else to make you feel happy?

It starts with you. You have to like yourself – to be able to enjoy being by yourself and not always needing someone else to be around to distract or entertain you. Once you do that, you can have lasting happiness with someone else. Otherwise, they can make you forget for a moment, but they can’t make you happy “forever.”

Don’t base your happiness on being with someone else. You need to have a base level of happiness with yourself, then you can add others in the mix (like your spouse/significant other, family, friends, co-workers, etc) to amplify it.

Remember what you’re working for

For the high achievers out there, remember what you’re working for. Some people refer to this as finding your “why.” Why are you working so hard? What is it that you really want?

Sure, you may like what you do, you may find enjoyment getting recognition or accolades from your employer, or you want to be seen as successful in the eyes of your peers/family members, but is that in alignment with what you actually want?

I’ve been working hard for a long time. I worked in high school, worked my way through college, and upon graduating I worked multiple jobs and many hours of overtime to pay off any student loans I had, pay off cars, a mortgage, etc. But after having kids, I had to re-prioritize my life goals. Did I still want to earn financial freedom? Absolutely. But I need to do it in a more sustainable way so I can see my family. Working 60-70 hour work weeks will help me earn income, but at what expense?

The questions I had to ask myself were:

1) What am I working so hard for? What is my new why? The answer to this, I think, is to create the best life possible for my family. That doesn’t necessarily mean to have or to make the most money though. Instead, I think it’s to raise respectful children with good work ethics who are happy with life…and me NOT being around just so I can earn more money or do something I’m “passionate” about is actually a very selfish thing to do.

2) Instead of racing the the financial freedom finish line, am I willing to maybe work a few more years to have a better quality of life (more free time to spend with my family, friends, and hobbies)? The answer to this is yes. What’s the point in rushing to retirement when you might lose your family (say, if you get divorced as a result of never spending time with your spouse), you lose your health (because you’re “too busy” to work out), lose your friends (because you never hang out with them anymore), and have no hobbies (are you just going to sit at home and watch tv all day)?? That life would be so unfulfilling to me.

So, as I conclude, I just want to say that everyone is different. We feel different things, have different goals, and are in different stages of life. Our life experiences are different. Our expectations are different. There is no right or wrong when it comes to why you’re working as hard as you are. But the key thing is to think about what you’re working for and adjust your time accordingly.