You can always say something that you haven’t said. But you can never undo or unsay something that you have already said.
Be careful with your words. Be thoughtful, kind, and uplifting. It may feel good to say what’s on your mind, but it could be potentially damaging to your long-term relationships. Learn to bite your tongue and tactfully say what you need to say, when you need to say it.
This is not to say you can’t thoughtfully critique anyone (especially those you care for). If you don’t speak up, how can they make a change? But don’t say something in the heat of the moment, or else you may regret how it comes out – and what is said cannot be unsaid.
You don’t always have to be right. This is important to remember because not only will you be wrong (a lot), but always needing to be right is very off putting.
Let the little things go. Choose which hill you want to die on, which battle you want to fight…this is something I’ve been bad at doing. I use “facts” and “evidence” to support my position. But winning each little battle (argument, debate, etc.) is less important than winning the war (maintaining/improving your overall relationship with that person/people). Not only that, but when you only speak up for the things that truly matter to you, those things will be more likely to be heard and changed, as opposed to nitpicking every little thing, which will eventually fall on deaf ears.
The need to always be right is a short-sighted way of thinking about things. Instead, bite your tongue about trivial matters. When you feel strongly/passionately about something, that’s when you speak up. But not before then…
“The love of possessions is a disease in them.” – Sitting Bull
We all like nice things.
After all, they’re nice!
For example, when I go to show someone houses, they typically like the more expensive home when comparing it to other, less expensive homes we’ve seen together. And why shouldn’t they? There’s usually a reason why it’s more expensive – it’s bigger, more updated, maybe has more acreage, or is in a better location. I would prefer the more expensive (nicer) home as well.
But what we need to be careful of is to not get too emotional when buying a house (or anything else, for that matter). Eventually, you will turn it into a home. But you do that by making memories there with friends and family, or you do that by putting your personal touches in/around the home. Until then, it is just a house with the potential for you to make memories. The key is to NOT fall in love with possessions (or the thought of owning them) and to not let it take control over your rational thought.
The same can be said for any material item in life. We want the fancier car, the best new gadget, or the popular toy for our kids. But material items only bring us short-term happiness. Over time, our happiness fades away as we become used to that item, but what doesn’t fade away is our lust for that dopamine kick we get when buying/receiving something new. The things we buy end up owning us, because they own our emotions.
So how do we combat this without having to live like a monk? Shouldn’t we still get nice things if we can afford them? The answer is completely up to you. Not everyone wants to live the same lifestyle, nor should everyone live the same lifestyle. But if you want some simple tips, think about these four things before your next purchase…
1. If you can’t pay cash for it, you can’t afford it. With the exception of your house, if you can’t pay for something outright, you probably should hold off on that purchase. Then, when you can afford to pay for it, you’ll either still want it but recognize how many hours you had to work to get it (giving you more awareness of the actual cost of that item) OR you won’t want it anymore. Either option is fine, we just want to be intentional about our decision-making process.
2. Try to envision what buying this item will do for you. Is there a practical/functional purpose for this item that saves you time, energy, or (eventually) money? Will it make your life easier? Will it give you more time or less stress so you can be present with your loved ones? Will you still be happy with this purchase in a year or will you have forgotten all about it? Only purchase it if the benefits outweigh the costs of getting it.
3. If you buy one item, discard one item. It’s easier to do this one purchase at a time instead of ending up with a closet full of clothes you never wear. Living a minimalist lifestyle can be freeing. That way, if you need to pick up and leave really quickly, you can. If your house burns down in a fire or is destroyed by Mother Nature, you have only lost a few items. You’ll end up valuing the few items you have even more – giving you more enjoyment over those items. (It’s like the kid who has every toy under the sun…because he has so many toys, he probably wouldn’t even realize if one went missing. Each toy is devalued due to an oversupply of toys.)
4. Having less things helps to avoid the distractions of a technology-driven society. Would you enjoy watching more sunrises or looking up at the night sky? Does sitting around a campfire having deep conversations with friends interest you? How about having very loose/light/insignificant conversations with friends? (Those matter just as much.) Well, when you have a house full of stuff, you’re less likely to go out and enjoy the beautiful surroundings. You’re less likely to engage in those conversations with friends because you’re distracted. You’re on your phone, you’re watching tv, you’re playing a video game, etc. With less around you, it forces you to pay attention to the ones you’re with and gives you a long-lasting happiness with the relationships you build.
What is enough for you? Will more of something make you happy or can you be content with what you have? How much “extra” do you need?
Surplus can lead to lifestyle creep. It can inflate your ego…are you buying that to impress others or do you actually gain enjoyment from it? Will you use it once and forget about it?
It’s important to keep pushing for more, but it’s also important to put everything in perspective. Money, fame, or “stuff” should never be prioritized over family, friendships, integrity, or health. True wealth is having strong relationships and good health.
“It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.” – Anne Sexton.
My dad was a great man. I would say so and I believe that many other people would say so too. My dad passed away when I was just 28 years old, 4 months away from me becoming a first time father myself. He taught me many things in the 28 years that I was by his side. I attribute who I am today because of the values that my mother and father instilled in me from a young age. I will always remember him as one of the greatest men that I’ve ever known.
This brings me to my thought of the day, which is to not take your time with loved ones for granted. Whether it’s your mom, dad, sister, brother, husband, wife, children, friends, or extended family – it doesn’t matter what their title is. Try to see them whenever you can. Try to do things with them. Make memories. If we outlive our loved ones, the only thing we have left are the memories we made with them.
If you can’t spend time with them regularly, reach out to them. Call them just to have a conversation and catch up. You’ll never regret making time for the ones you love, and you never know how long they will be in your life.
Lastly, try to express to them how much they mean to you. It can feel weird and vulnerable, but it will be worth it. If you pass away before them, they will know how you felt about them (and vice versa). It’s comforting, even though they are not with you anymore.
So that’s today’s thought of the day. I hope it inspires you to become more connected with others and not take your time for granted with them. I also hope that it makes you want to take action. Because the decisions you make on how you spend your time each day will determine how many memories you can make with others.
