Don’t withhold feedback

Don’t withhold feedback.

Telling the truth can be really, really hard sometimes. It can be uncomfortable because you want to make other people feel good (or, you at least don’t want to make them feel bad).

But if you withhold the truth, you are actually hurting them. How can they improve what they’re doing or how they’re acting if nobody confronts them about it? What if they don’t have the awareness to realize that anything is wrong in the first place? Make the difficult decision to tell them what they need to hear, even when it’s easier to tell them what they want to hear.

Receiving feedback

Hearing feedback can be really tough. Oftentimes, it can take us by surprise and we get defensive about it. But we need feedback to grow. Usually, there is at least a kernel of truth in what the other person is telling us. Instead of automatically justifying why you did/said what you did, just listen. Refrain from responding until the person is done talking. But don’t do one of those, “mhmm…ok…” almost like a “hurry-up and get it over with” verbal prodding. Stay open (watch out for negative body language). Then, after the sting of hearing what you need to hear, repeat back to them (or rephrase what you heard). If you and that person are on the same page, that’s probably a good thing. Finally, take their feedback and use it to make you a better person. Even if you don’t fully agree with what they’ve said, try to make small tweaks or improvements. None of us are perfect, so we at least know that we can slightly improve.

Brene Brown’s 3 key phrases to remember when receiving feedback…

⁃ “I’m brave enough to listen.”

⁃ “There’s something valuable here. Take what works and leave the rest.”

⁃ “Feedback is the path to mastery.”

Feedback vs criticism

View feedback as a shortcut to success. If you only see feedback as criticism and shut down, you will limit your growth potential. If someone is being honest with you and helping you realize what needs to be improved upon, use that to your advantage. Either way the information is still there and it is still true. You can choose to ignore it and continue to be substandard at whatever it is they mentioned, or you can do something about it. This will also reinforce others to continue to give you feedback. It may not always feel the best, but you will always know where you stand.