Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you really need it. If you’ve exhausted your resources and have given an honest effort to solve the problem on your own, it’s not only OK to ask a question, but it’s smart to ask for guidance from someone who may be able to help you find the answer you’re looking for. The key word here is guidance though…They should be guiding you, but you still need to put in the legwork to make it happen. You should be actively helping to make it happen and not passively watching someone else do the work for you.
Tag: friends
Conversation – A Work In Progress
I’m introverted and generally very goal-oriented. I enjoy working hard and always staying busy. And with that, I feel that my conversational skills are often lacking. I am not big on small talk. I usually feel like I want to move onto the next thing on my checklist and that stopping to make casual conversation is unproductive. But it’s those conversations about “nothing” that help to build relationships and establish feelings of trust. It’s actually very productive (indirectly) if you can take the time to connect with others, as long as you’re still leaving time to complete other tasks (you can’t sit around and gossip all day). This has been one of my biggest social flaws ad is something I’m working to improve…
The key to improving in anything in life is first to be aware that you are deficient in an area. I’ve done that here. With conversational skills being the deficiency, I delve a little deeper into what I think makes up a good/great conversationalist. Basically, there are three parts to being a great conversationalist.
1. Asking the right questions
The first part is knowing what questions to ask. If you don’t know a person, their interests, etc., sometimes it can be difficult to strike up a conversation. But if you have a general understanding of how to start conversations (asking open-ended questions, usually about the person or a topic that the person has an opinion on) and you also have a vast knowledge of current events or miscellaneous information, this is a helpful start.
2. Be curious
After knowing what questions to ask, you have to actually ask those questions and be interested in the person’s response. You need to listen to what they’re saying and respond accordingly. If you’re interested and curious in what they are saying, this will naturally lead to more questions on your part. Give verbal or physical cues showing your interest. Don’t be over dramatic on this and don’t be fake about it, but if you’re actually interested in what they’re saying, encourage them to talk more.
3. Contribute to the conversation
The third part to be in a great conversationalist is to have interesting things to say and to be willing to share stories with others. If you have great stories to tell, but you are only giving people one word answers and not making it appear as if you’re open to have a conversation, they will shut down and try to look elsewhere. Or if you are asking them questions, but not adding to the conversation, it will seem more like an interrogation.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Admit it, sometimes you get worked up over things that actually don’t matter. You get mad at the driver who was texting instead of paying attention that the light turned green a full TWO seconds ago! Or that someone performed a task that was not up to your standards. Or that maybe you didn’t live up to to someone else’s standards…
Regardless of the scenario, I think we tend to make things out to be bigger than they actually are. That’s society today. Even the news, which people used to turn to for “unbiased” facts have become opinion shows that catastrophize every little story to make it more exciting or to make it seem like the sky is falling. That’s how they get more views, better ratings, and more advertisement dollars, after all.
But what if we decided to take a different approach. Instead of paying attention to the trivial stuff – the stuff that doesn’t matter – what if we just left it alone? If we learn to either ignore those things altogether OR we reframe them and see them for what they actually are (non-important events that won’t affect our lives), we will find much more inner peace.
Follow this simple rule…if you won’t remember this specific event in five years, don’t waste five minutes of your time thinking about it. In the grand scheme of life, we need to focus on what is essential to us. What brings us the most joy? Who matters most in our lives? Spend time doing those things and being with those people. Don’t waste your time getting into social media arguments. Let the little things go.
Influence vs. control
You can influence others, but you can’t control them. Others can influence you, but they can’t control you. You get to decide what you do or don’t do. Don’t blame someone else for “making” you do something or feel some way. They may have influence over you, but only you get to determine if they control you or not.
Let’s take that a step further and apply it to life circumstances. We don’t get to control what happens in our environment. We can influence it to an extent and it can influence us but we don’t control it and it doesn’t control us.
Don’t blame the economy, the government, the president, your boss, or anyone else for something that isn’t right in your life. They’re only a small part of the problem. The bigger part of the problem is your attitude and your actions.
The good news is that if you’re the majority of the problem, you’re also the majority of the solution. Work on fixing yourself and your life will get better. No matter the circumstances, you can always try to improve your situation by improving your attitude, being prepared, working hard, and being kind to others. If you do this everyday, you’ll soon find out that outside circumstances eventually have less and less influence (and absolutely no control) on your life.
Be judicious with your words
You can always say something that you haven’t said. But you can never undo or unsay something that you have already said.
Be careful with your words. Be thoughtful, kind, and uplifting. It may feel good to say what’s on your mind, but it could be potentially damaging to your long-term relationships. Learn to bite your tongue and tactfully say what you need to say, when you need to say it.
This is not to say you can’t thoughtfully critique anyone (especially those you care for). If you don’t speak up, how can they make a change? But don’t say something in the heat of the moment, or else you may regret how it comes out – and what is said cannot be unsaid.