giving | The Caleb Barney Collection

Giving out of love versus giving out of expectation

Don’t be a fake giver (giving only because you’re expecting to get something in return). You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you’re keeping score for a game which the other person doesn’t know you’re playing.

If you think to yourself, “I did a, b, and c for this person, so they should give me x, y, or z when I ask in the future,” you’re asking for disappointment. Hopefully that person help you out in whatever way they can because you’re a good friend and they’re a good friend, but expecting reciprocity (especially when you do something for them now, but want them to remember your actions far in the future) is going to lead to frustration from both people.

Be caring. Be nice. Find ways to help. But if you can’t do something, or if it stretches you too thin, don’t feel obligated to do so. It’s ok to say no – and you don’t have to give them a reason why either. If you want to explain to someone why you can’t do something for them, at least they’ll have a better understanding of why you can’t. But they’re not entitled to know (just like you’re not entitled to knowing why they might say no to you in the future).

Give without keeping score. It will save you frustration in the long run because the other person doesn’t know they’re part of an unspoken transaction (which only took place in your mind).

Gifts

“The love of possessions is a disease in them.” – Sitting Bull

As we approach Christmas and the holiday season, make sure you keep in mind what is actually important. Gifts are nice, but they’re not everything. Today’s world is so materialistic that oftentimes we get swept up into the newest gadgets/video games, trendy clothes, etc. But do not forget that it is not “things” that we should love, but people and the experiences we share with those people. Things come and go. They wear out the more you use them. Things will never satisfy us in the long term without us needing to replace them with more things, but your relationships will grow stronger over time if you nurture them.

Giving and taking

Always make sure that you are giving as often as you’re receiving. Don’t only be a “taker.” You need to learn to be generous (with your time, your money, and your affection) to build the happiest relationships.

Going wide or going deep

I recently wrote about being a specialist instead of a generalist, and this post delves deeper into that thought. When I was listening to Dave Ramsey’s “The Legacy Journey,” he discussed how he and his wife, Sharon, decided to give to charity. There is no right or wrong way to give to others. I believe that and so does he. But he made a good point, saying if they had one million dollars to give, would their money be more effective giving one dollar to one million charities (essentially, “going wide”) or giving one million dollars to one charity (“going deep”)?

If you “go deep,” your impact is likely to be far greater/more meaningful than if you “go wide.” Again, this is not meant to make it sound like going wide is wrong, per say. In the example above, donating that much money (or any amount of money, time, and energy) is a very noble thing to do. It just depends on what you feel is best. If you have multiple charities that you’d like to give to, by all means, go for it. But if you want them to reach their goals faster, you may have to limit where your resources are going.

So how does this relate to the generalist or the specialist? Well, the generalist is essentially going wide. They may have a little bit of knowledge or experience in a lot of different areas. This is a good thing! It’s almost always a good thing to have more experience and to be well-rounded. You can often connect better with others because you have more to talk about. But if you need an expert or have a specific task that needs to be accomplished? Then the specialist is probably your best bet.

You may have a lot of knowledge in many different areas, but if you don’t have a deep understanding of how to build a rocket (or specific parts for a rocket), you probably won’t be much help to the engineering division of a company like SpaceX. This is why it’s not right or wrong to be a generalist or specialist, to go wide or to go far. It is all situation-dependent and up for you to decide what you want to be or do.