You don’t always have to be right. This is important to remember because not only will you be wrong (a lot), but always needing to be right is very off putting.
Let the little things go. Choose which hill you want to die on, which battle you want to fight…this is something I’ve been bad at doing. I use “facts” and “evidence” to support my position. But winning each little battle (argument, debate, etc.) is less important than winning the war (maintaining/improving your overall relationship with that person/people). Not only that, but when you only speak up for the things that truly matter to you, those things will be more likely to be heard and changed, as opposed to nitpicking every little thing, which will eventually fall on deaf ears.
The need to always be right is a short-sighted way of thinking about things. Instead, bite your tongue about trivial matters. When you feel strongly/passionately about something, that’s when you speak up. But not before then…
You don’t “have to” do something. You “get to” do it. It is a privilege that you are able to take care of whatever task you are assigned with doing. There are many people out there less fortunate than you are. So your 3-month old is having trouble sleeping at night, crying, and keeping you awake? Well, you are blessed with the opportunity to console him/her. There are plenty of people in the world who desperately want children and, for whatever reason, are unable to have them. You had a fight with your parents? Some people have lost their parents prematurely.
Think about the big picture. Why stress over something so small like “having” to do something? Will this affect you next week? What about next year? Will you even remember this event in 10 years? Make the most of life. Enjoy it. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Below is a list of attributes I want for myself and to instill in my children:
Perseverance, optimistic, not easily discouraged/embarrassed, not afraid of failing, mentally and physically tough, setting a goal and working towards it, ok with asking questions, hungry to learn, love competition, focused on the most important next action steps, forward thinking, not procrastinating, curious, willing and able to give effort every day, love and enthusiasm for life, understand big picture concepts, think outside the box, grateful, happy, kind to others
And this is a list I want to avoid:
Complainer, negative, judgmental, rude, entitled, lazy, can’t think for yourself, not willing to try/learn new things
I’m sure there are more items I can add to both lists, but this is the general gist of what I strive for everyday. The other key is to surround yourself with people who share similar values. You become the average of the people you hang out with most. Don’t let it be someone who only brings negative drama to your life.
“The love of possessions is a disease in them.” – Sitting Bull
We all like nice things.
After all, they’re nice!
For example, when I go to show someone houses, they typically like the more expensive home when comparing it to other, less expensive homes we’ve seen together. And why shouldn’t they? There’s usually a reason why it’s more expensive – it’s bigger, more updated, maybe has more acreage, or is in a better location. I would prefer the more expensive (nicer) home as well.
But what we need to be careful of is to not get too emotional when buying a house (or anything else, for that matter). Eventually, you will turn it into a home. But you do that by making memories there with friends and family, or you do that by putting your personal touches in/around the home. Until then, it is just a house with the potential for you to make memories. The key is to NOT fall in love with possessions (or the thought of owning them) and to not let it take control over your rational thought.
The same can be said for any material item in life. We want the fancier car, the best new gadget, or the popular toy for our kids. But material items only bring us short-term happiness. Over time, our happiness fades away as we become used to that item, but what doesn’t fade away is our lust for that dopamine kick we get when buying/receiving something new. The things we buy end up owning us, because they own our emotions.
So how do we combat this without having to live like a monk? Shouldn’t we still get nice things if we can afford them? The answer is completely up to you. Not everyone wants to live the same lifestyle, nor should everyone live the same lifestyle. But if you want some simple tips, think about these four things before your next purchase…
1. If you can’t pay cash for it, you can’t afford it. With the exception of your house, if you can’t pay for something outright, you probably should hold off on that purchase. Then, when you can afford to pay for it, you’ll either still want it but recognize how many hours you had to work to get it (giving you more awareness of the actual cost of that item) OR you won’t want it anymore. Either option is fine, we just want to be intentional about our decision-making process.
2. Try to envision what buying this item will do for you. Is there a practical/functional purpose for this item that saves you time, energy, or (eventually) money? Will it make your life easier? Will it give you more time or less stress so you can be present with your loved ones? Will you still be happy with this purchase in a year or will you have forgotten all about it? Only purchase it if the benefits outweigh the costs of getting it.
3. If you buy one item, discard one item. It’s easier to do this one purchase at a time instead of ending up with a closet full of clothes you never wear. Living a minimalist lifestyle can be freeing. That way, if you need to pick up and leave really quickly, you can. If your house burns down in a fire or is destroyed by Mother Nature, you have only lost a few items. You’ll end up valuing the few items you have even more – giving you more enjoyment over those items. (It’s like the kid who has every toy under the sun…because he has so many toys, he probably wouldn’t even realize if one went missing. Each toy is devalued due to an oversupply of toys.)
4. Having less things helps to avoid the distractions of a technology-driven society. Would you enjoy watching more sunrises or looking up at the night sky? Does sitting around a campfire having deep conversations with friends interest you? How about having very loose/light/insignificant conversations with friends? (Those matter just as much.) Well, when you have a house full of stuff, you’re less likely to go out and enjoy the beautiful surroundings. You’re less likely to engage in those conversations with friends because you’re distracted. You’re on your phone, you’re watching tv, you’re playing a video game, etc. With less around you, it forces you to pay attention to the ones you’re with and gives you a long-lasting happiness with the relationships you build.
Start your morning by energizing each part of your life – spiritual, physical, mental, emotional/relational, financial, and career. Take time to be grateful for what you have presently, the past experiences that have gotten you to where you are, and the future that lies ahead. Visualize success in each of those areas, whatever that means to you. Then plan your day out and see how you can get closer to achieving success in those areas. If you don’t have a plan, then it will be really hard to get what you want.
