Your guide to a healthier perspective of life
“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” – Edith Wharton
If you’re not the type of person who loves creating joy/happiness (usually an outgoing/extroverted person with a positive outlook on life), you can still spread joy/happiness by returning the favor. Smile, be polite, ask how someone’s day is going and genuinely care to listen to their response, say thank you…there are a lot of simple things that you can do to help spread happiness.
Embrace your mistakes. Do not hide from them. Confess…if you’ve wronged/hurt someone, admit it to them and apologize. If you’ve done something that doesn’t align with your values, try to right your wrong and make sure you never do that again. To say it out loud – admitting it, owning it – will help to prevent you from doing it again. Hiding your mistakes or covering them up is lying – to yourself and others – and will eat you alive.
Seneca, like many other stoic philosophers, had it right when it came to their attitude towards mindset, beliefs, and feelings. Basically, we control how happy or unhappy we are with our thoughts. When something happens, we can convince ourselves that we are lucky or unlucky, that something is happening to us instead of for us, or that it’s a failure versus an opportunity to learn.
We are what we tell ourselves and we become what we consistently think. Think positively and you will become a more positive person. Think negatively and you’ll become more like Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh. For those who are unfamiliar with this character, this is how Wikipedia describes him: “He is generally characterized as a pessimistic, gloomy, depressed, anhedonic, old grey stuffed donkey who is a friend of the title character, Winnie-the-Pooh.”
Now, if you were picking who you wanted to hang out with for a day, would you pick the person who is chronically pessimistic and gloomy? Of course not! And guess who is the only person you hang out with 24 hours a day? (Hint: it’s yourself)…why would you choose to be anything, but happy?
Do not let the opinions of others (or, more accurately, what you think their opinions MIGHT BE), stop you from dreaming big and being true to yourself. We are all “weird” in one way or another. We’re all unique.
Stop trying to be like everyone else. The average American is overweight, in debt, and doesn’t like their job (life?)…why would you strive to be more like that?
Be true to yourself. Dream big, but more importantly, go after those dreams everyday. People may say that what’s you’re aiming for isn’t possible. But those people either don’t understand the dream, don’t understand the effort you’re willing to put in to make it happen, or don’t want you to succeed because it will make them feel worse about themselves. They’ll eventually come around when you start achieving success, and if they don’t, don’t worry about it. You can only control yourself – your thoughts/beliefs, actions/inactions, attitude, etc.
“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” – Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
If you want to have less conflict, don’t go looking for it. Choose not to be offended and you won’t be. Stop trying to listen for things you don’t want to hear. If you’re on edge (in marriage and in life), and looking for things to be upset about, you can always find them. Let the little things go. Forgive more. Nobody is perfect – including you. So get off your high horse and accept your significant other as they are.