Tag: happiness

Being bored is a good thing

We need silence for creativity. We need to be ok being bored. In today’s world, it is so easy to try to avoid being bored at all costs. Whether we are listening to the radio, a podcast, an audiobook, watching TV, playing video games, reading, hanging out with others, the list goes on and on. But sometimes we just need to be by ourselves and not have anything on to distract us. It’s during the quiet times that we will often come up with the best ideas.

Think about what is causing you the most trouble or pain. Now think of ways to minimize that pain, not by avoiding it, but by eliminating it. This will not only increase your happiness, but if it’s a common problem for many people, it could actually improve others’ lives too.

Love, respect, and forgiveness

Remember to treat yourself and others with love, respect, and forgiveness every single day.

When you start with love, you will always want the best for yourself and for others. You’ll try to help them as much as you can. But help doesn’t mean giving them handouts and spoon feeding them. There needs to be a healthy balance between short-term help and long-term help. Always “helping” someone get what they want, for example, may not be helping them in the long run. Making sure nobody ever feels struggle is not helping them. It’s weakening them, giving them less ability to overcome adversity, and giving them less resolve. The best help is by teaching them how to get what they want, not having you go out and getting them whatever they want.

Next, you need to treat yourself and others with respect. The moment you start disrespecting others is the moment that you begin to lose credibility for yourself. Treat others how you would want to be treated. Don’t talk down to others, don’t berate them, but also don’t treat them with pity. If you see someone who needs your help, try to walk alongside them. You may think that the other person can’t do anything for you, but you never know how your actions can affect them, where they’ll end up, or what connections they might have as well. Don’t forget you must also respect yourself. That means setting boundaries with people or saying no sometimes. You need to respect yourself enough to not let yourself be walked all over by others.

Lastly, you need to practice forgiveness with yourself and others. You don’t have to forget how you made a mistake or how others might have wronged you. But you should forgive them. Everyone makes mistakes, yourself included. Try to learn from them and move on. Make sure you don’t hold grudges or else you will live a long, miserable life.

Power, choice, and feelings

Don’t let others’ words control how you feel or react. ​
Don’t let others’ words control how you feel or react.

I saw this quote on LinkedIn and decided that I wanted to talk about it a little more. I completely agree with this sentiment…

If you allow other people’s words or actions determine if you are happy, sad, mad, or anything in between, you’re in for a roller coaster of emotions in life. You can’t control what they say or do, and if you react to everything, you’re giving them the power to “make” you feel a certain way.

But the truth is, only you get to decide whether or not you feel happy or not. Keep that power for yourself – do not give it away to others who may or may not be thinking about how their actions might affect you physically or psychologically.

Practice what Viktor Frankl (Holocaust survivor, neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, and author) called SPR – Stimulus, Pause, Response. He said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Be free. Choose to be happy or choose to be mad. But make sure it is you who is making that choice, and not someone else choosing for you.

Finding Happiness

When it comes down to it, I believe our ultimate goal should be to be happy. That should be the “why” behind all of our actions. But we need to break this down further to truly understand it. We should not confuse short-term happiness for long-term happiness, or vice versa. For many people, their short-term happiness hinges on doing something that feels pleasurable at the time, but comes at the expense of their long-term happiness.

For example, going on a spending spree occasionally is fine, but doing that everyday will make you go broke in the long run and you’ll have to delay retirement.

Eating pizza or doughnuts is really enjoyable at the time, but do it everyday and you’ll likely be working your way towards all sorts of health problems.

Taking a day off from working out or reading to let your body and mind recharge is great, but to never work out or read puts your body and mind in a deficit over time.

You need to find the balance between short-term happiness and long-term happiness. The easiest way to do this is to find enjoyment in the process of everything you do. If you can find as much overlap as possible where what you want to do in the short-term is actually benefitting you kn the long-term, that’s when you’ll really feel supercharged instead of like you’re always sacrificing happiness now for happiness in the future (or vice versa).

So, what helps to shape our happiness? Usually, it is some combination of striving to be our best selves (mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and financially), of feeling a sense of accomplishment by doing something difficult, of contribution (helping others/volunteering/giving back), and of gratitude (being thankful for what we have and not comparing ourselves to others). Find ways to intentionally incorporate actions that push you towards this and you’ll find happiness much more often.

Courage to look within

Have the courage to face your weaknesses. Where are you lagging behind? What faults do you have? What mistakes do you repeatedly make? How can you improve in these areas?

Have the courage to admit you were wrong. It will be hard to look in the mirror instead of pointing out the faults of others. Or to admit your mistakes without caveats or giving excuses…just own them. Don’t say, “I only did this because…” or “I wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t do this.” That’s not admitting your mistake, not really.

Focus on your actions and how you can improve the situation, not on what you did right and what the other person did wrong. Don’t go in with the idea of having an “unwritten and unspoken agreement” (something in your head only) that when you apologize for X, the other will/should apologize for Y. That’s not how it works. Be sorry when you’re sorry. If you only use the words but don’t actually mean it, others will eventually see through it.