happiness | The Caleb Barney Collection

False narratives

“The way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.” – John Green

Sometimes, when we have incomplete information, or when we don’t really know a person, we tell ourselves that they did something maliciously towards us because they’re mean, miserable, etc. And while there may be some truth to that story, the real truth is we don’t know why they did what they did or why they said what they said. Maybe they were hangry or they just got bad news about their kids, parents, or friends. Maybe they’re going through a divorce or they’re stressed from work. Maybe they thought they were just teasing you and didn’t know you took it the wrong way.

I’d like to think that most people, at least in their own eyes, are good. We may misunderstand them or have different values, but that doesn’t make the other person bad. Your boss or co-worker you can’t stand? They are someone’s mom/dad, husband/wife, child, friend, etc. They want to be happy and feel like they’re contributing to others’ happiness too. Maybe they’re stuck in a rut or you caught them at a bad time, or maybe you were jut too sensitive at that moment.

At the very worst, think of the situation through the lens of Hanlon’s razor. It says, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” In other words, sometimes bad things happen not because of people are purposely trying to hurt you, but because they did not think through their actions (and the consequences) properly. People *usually* aren’t out to get you.

Using the fulfillment triangle when deciding on your career

When you’re at a crossroads and looking to find a new career, take into consideration Ken Coleman’s fulfillment triangle. He describes this as a place where your passion meets your talent and opportunity.

What do you love doing? What are you interested in? What do you find yourself constantly researching or talking about with your friends? Looking at these things can help you figure out what you’re truly passionate about.

What are you good at doing? Has anybody told you that you are a natural at completing a particular kind of task? What do you feel like comes easily to you? When you do things that you are good at, you are usually in a flow state. This is your talent and ability. (By the way, you don’t need to have the ability to do something right now, but if you are capable, that will suffice.)

Who do you know that might be able to introduce you to whatever it is you like and are good at doing? If you’re unsure about this, put the question out on social media. Go on Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. and clearly lay out what it is you’re interested in doing. You never know who might have a connection and get you an “in” with a company. This is your opportunity.

Fulfillment triangle from Ken Coleman on the Dave Ramsey Team.

Goals, a vivid vision, and living proactively

Focus on living proactively instead of reactively.

What are you doing today to set your future self up for success? Are you going into each day by looking at what you need to get done for the day? Prioritize what has to get done for the day in order to hit your weekly, monthly, quarterly, or yearly goals.

If you’re not planning each day intentionally, you end up reacting to the day’s events. You’re very busy, but you’re not very productive. You feel like a chicken running around with its head chopped off or like you’re running around, putting out fires all day. You end the day exhausted, but not feeling like you moved the needle towards your long-term goals.

Set time aside to figure out what you want your life to look like next year, in three years from now, and in ten years from now. Do you have a vision of how great your life will be?

You need to have direction in your life. How can you get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going? Have a roadmap with your destination showing and the route planned out (hitting milestones along the way).

Freedom = Happiness

What most people really want (even if they don’t know it) is freedom. When you see a photo of someone standing by their brand new expensive car with their beautiful husband/wife, and the best attire, it’s not that you necessarily want that. You want the freedom that having that kind of money can buy. You want to be financially free! Freedom brings happiness. Whether it’s the freedom to choose what work you’re going to do or not do, where you want to live, or what your plans are for the day, you want to have the choice (power/freedom) to make that decision completely on your own, without any outside influence. You’ll soon find out that material possessions only buy fleeting happiness. You’ll be happy for a short period of time, but it will not last.

Opportunity cost

If you’re saying “yes” to one thing (and this applies to anything in life), that means you are saying “no” to something else.

What is your opportunity cost? We can’t be in two places at once. We only have so much time in the day. We have limited resources. So by saying yes to one thing, it is costing you the opportunity to do something else.

Choose what you spend your time, energy, and money on wisely. If you always want to do what feels good in the moment, you may be sacrificing the well-being of your future self.