Attributes

Below is a list of attributes I want for myself and to instill in my children:

Perseverance, optimistic, not easily discouraged/embarrassed, not afraid of failing, mentally and physically tough, setting a goal and working towards it, ok with asking questions, hungry to learn, love competition, focused on the most important next action steps, forward thinking, not procrastinating, curious, willing and able to give effort every day, love and enthusiasm for life, understand big picture concepts, think outside the box, grateful, happy, kind to others

And this is a list I want to avoid:

Complainer, negative, judgmental, rude, entitled, lazy, can’t think for yourself, not willing to try/learn new things

I’m sure there are more items I can add to both lists, but this is the general gist of what I strive for everyday. The other key is to surround yourself with people who share similar values. You become the average of the people you hang out with most. Don’t let it be someone who only brings negative drama to your life.

Your house and the White House

What happens in your house is more important than what happens in the White House.
“What happens in your house is more important than what happens in the White House.” – Barbara Bush

Whether you feel happy, sad, neutral, or mad with the election results of the 2020 Presidential race, remember one thing. What happens in your house is more important than what happens in the White House.

The President, no matter which party he/she is affiliated with, will not save you, nor will he/she ruin you. You control your own fate. The decisions you make will have the greatest influence on how your life turns out. Why would you give that power to anyone else? Take ownership of what happens for you – good or bad.

If you like the results you’re getting, then continue doing what you’ve been doing. If you don’t like the results you’ve seen so far, change what you’re doing. And if you’re really unhappy? Just know that you’re going to have to work your tail off to get to where you want to go. Nothing matters as much as determination, grit, perseverance, and having a positive attitude. All of those things won’t always be easy, but if they were, everyone would do it.

Jealousy, privilege, and comparison

Before you make a jealous statement, “they’re so lucky that ____” or “it must be easy because of ____”, truly think to yourself the amount of work that that individual put in to get to where they are. There really are not many “overnight successes.”

And for those who inherited wealth or were put in a better position to start than you? Consider yourself the lucky one. You have gone through trials and tribulations that they have not, and it has forged you into the person you are today.

There will always be someone better off than you just like there will always be others worse off than you, yet you don’t consider yourself privileged. Take a step back and look in the mirror. If you’re reading this on a computer, how “lucky” are you? If you live in the United States, how lucky are you? If you have your eyesight and can hear, how lucky are you? Do you have four limbs? How lucky are you? People tend to downplay the “luck” that played a role in how they got to where they are today, yet they emphasize it in others’ success.

“I’m a self-made person” you say. But, in reality, everyone has had help along the way. Some have had more help than others. But you’ve had more help than plenty of others as well. Remember that.

Finally, stop comparing yourself to others. It doesn’t matter where they are or where they’re going. You can’t control that. But you can influence the direction of your life by the decisions you make each and every day. Work to get 1% better every single day and you’ll be amazed by the results in 1 year, 10 years, and beyond.

The love of possessions

“The love of possessions is a disease in them.” - Sitting Bull
“The love of possessions is a disease in them.” – Sitting Bull

We all like nice things.

After all, they’re nice!

For example, when I go to show someone houses, they typically like the more expensive home when comparing it to other, less expensive homes we’ve seen together. And why shouldn’t they? There’s usually a reason why it’s more expensive – it’s bigger, more updated, maybe has more acreage, or is in a better location. I would prefer the more expensive (nicer) home as well.

But what we need to be careful of is to not get too emotional when buying a house (or anything else, for that matter). Eventually, you will turn it into a home. But you do that by making memories there with friends and family, or you do that by putting your personal touches in/around the home. Until then, it is just a house with the potential for you to make memories. The key is to NOT fall in love with possessions (or the thought of owning them) and to not let it take control over your rational thought.

The same can be said for any material item in life. We want the fancier car, the best new gadget, or the popular toy for our kids. But material items only bring us short-term happiness. Over time, our happiness fades away as we become used to that item, but what doesn’t fade away is our lust for that dopamine kick we get when buying/receiving something new. The things we buy end up owning us, because they own our emotions.

So how do we combat this without having to live like a monk? Shouldn’t we still get nice things if we can afford them? The answer is completely up to you. Not everyone wants to live the same lifestyle, nor should everyone live the same lifestyle. But if you want some simple tips, think about these four things before your next purchase…

1. If you can’t pay cash for it, you can’t afford it. With the exception of your house, if you can’t pay for something outright, you probably should hold off on that purchase. Then, when you can afford to pay for it, you’ll either still want it but recognize how many hours you had to work to get it (giving you more awareness of the actual cost of that item) OR you won’t want it anymore. Either option is fine, we just want to be intentional about our decision-making process.

2. Try to envision what buying this item will do for you. Is there a practical/functional purpose for this item that saves you time, energy, or (eventually) money? Will it make your life easier? Will it give you more time or less stress so you can be present with your loved ones? Will you still be happy with this purchase in a year or will you have forgotten all about it? Only purchase it if the benefits outweigh the costs of getting it.

3. If you buy one item, discard one item. It’s easier to do this one purchase at a time instead of ending up with a closet full of clothes you never wear. Living a minimalist lifestyle can be freeing. That way, if you need to pick up and leave really quickly, you can. If your house burns down in a fire or is destroyed by Mother Nature, you have only lost a few items. You’ll end up valuing the few items you have even more – giving you more enjoyment over those items. (It’s like the kid who has every toy under the sun…because he has so many toys, he probably wouldn’t even realize if one went missing. Each toy is devalued due to an oversupply of toys.)

4. Having less things helps to avoid the distractions of a technology-driven society. Would you enjoy watching more sunrises or looking up at the night sky? Does sitting around a campfire having deep conversations with friends interest you? How about having very loose/light/insignificant conversations with friends? (Those matter just as much.) Well, when you have a house full of stuff, you’re less likely to go out and enjoy the beautiful surroundings. You’re less likely to engage in those conversations with friends because you’re distracted. You’re on your phone, you’re watching tv, you’re playing a video game, etc. With less around you, it forces you to pay attention to the ones you’re with and gives you a long-lasting happiness with the relationships you build.

Voluntary hardship

Do hard things daily. Challenge your body by working out. Challenge your mind by reading and writing. Challenge your beliefs by being receptive to ideas from others who don’t have the same opinions as you. Take on that difficult project at work. Say no to eating out today and make something from a new recipe instead.

Experience voluntary hardship. It makes actual hardships easier and it puts life into perspective. Life is good. We just fail to properly appreciate it.