Tag: happiness

Fitting in? Or being different?

“Different is better when it is more effective or more fun.” – Tim Ferriss

Embrace being different. Everyone is different in their own ways, but don’t be different just to get attention. Be different because you actually believe in what you’re doing and saying. Be different because that’s the real you and you are enjoying being yourself. Do things differently than the majority because you are striving to improve your life in some sense. Why would you try to be the same as everyone else? Why blend in with the crowd to the point where you’re completely unnoticed?

“Tetris teaches us that when you try to fit in, you’ll disappear.” – Alexus Pajitnov

I love one quote from Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said, “The worst thing I could be is the same as everyone else.” I believe that. Let’s look at some stats to see what “everyone else” is doing and why it’s better for your health to do the opposite…

The United States has an obesity rate of about ~35% and has an additional ~35% of the population is considered overweight. So you are considered to be overweight if you’re the “average” U.S. citizen. Why are we getting so big? If you listen to what everyone usually says, it’s because they have no time to work out or that eating healthy is too expensive.

Well, according to a Nielsen report, in 2017, the average citizen watched about 4 hours of tv per day! Yet somehow they have “no time” to work out, to cook a healthy meal, or to work on our physical fitness in a meaningful way.

Why would you want to follow the herd in this case? Why be “normal?” People will think that you’re weird if you work out daily, if you order a salad when going out to eat, or if you’re not up to speed on the latest Netflix series. You need to be ok with that. Because you aren’t being different just to be “weird.” You’re being different because you have found a better way to improve your life…a way that is more effective AND more fun.

People will call you crazy (sometimes to your face, other times behind your back). But who cares what other people think about YOUR life? Who should care the most about the quality of your life? You. And who can influence the outcome of your life the most? You. Don’t live your life only seeking the approval of others, otherwise you’ll never be happy.

Love, anger, and sadness

“Love implies anger. The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing.” – Edward Abbey

There are two things I would make note of when reading this quote…

First, I would expand the quote to say that love not only implies anger, but sadness as well. If you lose something you love, even if only temporarily, there are a range of emotions you could feel, including anger or sadness. Feeling passionately means you care deeply. The opposite of happiness is neither anger nor sadness – it’s apathy. It’s not feeling anything at all.

The second thing I think of when I see this quote is I hope people don’t use it as an excuse to be angry. I could see someone saying they’re only angry because they care – justifying their improper actions. While they may love you or care about you, they might just be getting angry because they are possessive, controlling, or mean-spirited. Or, they may care, but it’s caring less about another person and more about their reputation. They wouldn’t say it out loud, but deep down they’re getting angry because they care more about themselves than anyone else, and what you’re doing is hurting their status/ego.

One final note relating to this topic…

When you love someone or something deeply, you’re bound to get into disagreements or feel disappointment occasionally. How you express yourself when you feel that way will make a world of difference in how healthy your relationships are though. Don’t lash out at them. Don’t act like a child who doesn’t get his way. Treat them with the love and respect they deserve and try to talk through your feelings. It’s not healthy to erupt with anger, but it’s not healthy to bottle up your emotions either. Remember how lucky you are when you feel these negative emotions. Feeling strongly just means you’ve been fortunate enough to care deeply about something/someone. As Dr. Seuss said, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Embracing the suck

Have you ever caught yourself wishing for more? Have you said, “I can’t wait to get out of this crappy apartment!” Or, “This car is the worst! I want to get a new one.” Or even, “I’ll be happier once X happens.”

But the reality is, those things you think you want? The things you think will make you happy? They won’t give you lasting happiness. You’ll love your new apartment or car for a couple of months, then that will become your new normal, your baseline will reset, and you eventually will want something newer and better again. You have to change your mindset if you want lasting happiness. It’s like the cliche, “Life is a journey, not a destination. Learn to enjoy the ride.”

Instead of wishing for more, we should work on being grateful for what we have. We should enjoy where we’re at, and that means sometimes you have to embrace the suck. It may not be the most fun now, but as long as you put yourself in a position to get past this (without focusing too much on the end result, a.k.a. “the destination”), one day you’ll be able to look back fondly at the memories you’re making.

I remember living in a century house in Columbus my sophomore and junior years in college. The one side of the house didn’t really warm up that well during the winter months and we were broke college students, so we closed that section off. At its worst, the kitchen must have been 10 degrees colder than the living room, maybe more. But it’s not like the living room was that warm either. In addition to having the curtains closed and a blanket lining the bottom of the door (to minimize the draft), we always wore sweatpants and hoodies while wrapped up in a blanket with the space heater nearby. Our rooms were cold too, especially mine since I lived in the attic! It wasn’t the best house, but we loved it. You have to embrace those moments and the memories you are blessed to make with others. Now, over ten years later, my old roommates and I still bring up those times and laugh. We’ve moved on to bigger and better things, but that’s kind of the point. You don’t want to be stuck in a crappy house (or situation) forever. You should be ambitious. You should have goals. But don’t make those the end all, be all. Focus on the journey, not the destination. After all, a little adversity is going to kill you.

I know that we plan on letting our kids have that crappy job, the embarrassing car that has a name, and a stereotypical college house/apartment. It builds resilience and character. When things aren’t handed to you and you occasionally have to “embrace the suck,” it allows you to put your current situation into perspective. You’ll eventually get past this hurdle, but until then, try to soak everything in. Remember every detail of what’s going on. It will only make the story that much better when you relive/retell it in the future. Until then, try to enjoy the ride.

Greatness and inner peace

“Nothing is great unless it’s also at peace.” – Seneca

Outward greatness can be deceiving. Someone can be the best at what they do but have inner demons that none of us would want. We wouldn’t trade our life for theirs.

Think of Antonio Brown…possibly the best WR in the NFL just over a year ago, probably even a top 5 or top 10 WR of all-time. But within the past 12-18 months, despite being an elite NFL receiver, he has been cut or traded from three teams. In a league that has a short season (16 games compared to 82 for basketball or 162 for baseball), that prioritizes winning above all else, three teams have moved on from a tremendous talent because of his inner demons. This goes to show that no matter how great you are (or think you are), there’s more to it than just being good at what you’re paid to do.

Do not be envious of others who only know how to excel at their job. You have to look at the whole picture. Are they still a good family member, friend, teammate/co-worker, and citizen? Do they have peace in their life? If so, that person might be a great role model or mentor. If not, don’t mistake their performance at work as overall greatness.