Tag: happiness

Seeking enjoyment, not total optimization

Sit down. Close your eyes. Turn off the tv, music, or podcast.

Take a moment to discover what you actually get enjoyment out of doing and find a way to do more of whatever that happens to be.

Look into what you’re mindlessly paying for but don’t get enjoyment from anymore and remove as much of that from your life as possible.

Understand that while everything can be optimized, trying to optimize every aspect of your life can cause you stress or anxiety. Maximizing efficiency is just like everything else in life. It needs to be done in some sort of moderation.

Remember the 80/20 rule applies to life. Remember to seek progress, not perfection. Remember to be kind and forgiving to yourself and others. Remember, in the end, we are only on this earth for a short period of time – try to enjoy it and focus on the positive instead of the negative. Life is good.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Here’s the secret though…it’s almost all “small stuff.”

If you take life too seriously and you can’t just relax or laugh at yourself, you’re going to make yourself miserable. Stop taking each “event” too seriously! We tend to over-dramatize so much in today’s culture. It’s what’s popular on your favorite tv show, on the news, the gossip at your work or with your friends…it’s too much.

My wife told me that she watched one car cut off another car the other morning, presumably on their way to work. What did the person in the car who felt wronged do? Flip them the bird and tailgate them, of course! Wait, what? How is that making the situation better? Best case scenario, you feel like you “showed them,” but really they don’t care. If they cared that you might get upset at them then they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Worst case scenario, they brake check you and you get into an accident. Maybe they’re a fugitive and can’t afford to be stopped by the police so they shoot you and run. So what? Are you willing to give up your life, to never see your family or friends again because someone cut you off? Or are you willing to pay for damages to your car and theirs, as well as have your insurance rates raised? Let it go. It doesn’t matter.

There are thousands of examples I could use…

Someone didn’t follow your directions and are asking for help again? Let it go. You can’t control their actions.

The day didn’t go as you planned? Let it go. Do your best to put out fires today and start fresh tomorrow.

Why bring drama into your life over something so minuscule? It’s not worth you getting upset. It can help if you put the situation you’re in into perspective of how small it is in comparison to how long your life is. The situation may seem large to you right now, but will it matter in a week? Will you even remember this a year from now? What about ten years from now? Not likely…

Another way of reframing it is to think how great of a life you have compared to others less fortunate than you. Whatever problem you’re facing is so small compared to what they’re facing. If you’re reading this, you at least have access to the internet. You probably have a roof over your head, are wearing comfortable clothing, and can afford to eat and bathe yourself. That’s not always the case for others, yet we take it for granted. We end up making a big deal out of little things. We allow ourselves to get frustrated and upset with something that really shouldn’t matter (at least not in the long run).

Thinking about this brings me back to one of my favorite quotes, which says, “You get to choose to be happy or to be mad. Why would you choose anything but happiness?” Remember, don’t sweat the small stuff. Life is good. Be happy.

Management and execution

Just because you are good at executing a task, it doesn’t mean that you will be a good manager over a group of people completing that task. Executing and managing require different skill sets and even if you have the skills, you may not want to do or like to do some of the required tasks when in one position or the other.

Before making a switch from being in the field to going into management (or vice versa), you need to be honest with yourself if you understand the new position, if you want to take on those new roles/responsibilities, and if you’re capable of performing your role for the team.

First comes understanding. If your expectations of what the position entails don’t align with the reality, you are likely to be disappointed. Talk with those who have been in the position you are looking to move into to see if it is something you think you might like. Ask them detailed questions about what their day-to-day schedule looks like, what it takes to succeed at that position, and what is the best/worst part about what they do. You have to gain a better understanding of what is required of you in order to make the best possible decision to make the switch. If you’re making a major life change, you should try to do so with as many facts up front as you can.

After you talk with that person (or hopefully several people in the position you’re moving to), take time to consider if you will like those activities. Will you find them fulfilling? Will this new position provide a healthy challenge for you – one that is fun and exciting, but stresses you just enough to continue to grow? One of the most important questions that you can ask before accepting a new position is, “will I generally get fulfillment doing this everyday for the next X years of my life?” If the answer is yes (or mostly yes, as everyone has the occasional “bad day”), then move on to the third set of questions.

If you understand the job position and still want it, the last set of questions you must ask yourself revolves around “do you have what it takes to win at this position?” Keep in mind that winning is not only something that you have to define for yourself, but for the company as well. You may be happy with the work you’re doing, but is the company happy with your performance? Or they may be happy with your work, but you’re miserable. Both parties have to win for this to work in the long run. Can you prioritize the most important tasks for the day, week, month, or year and get them done on time (and on budget)? If you aren’t yet capable of performing to the standard that you and the company have defined, does your company provide training to get you there? If so, how much time/grace period will they allow for you to improve your performance to the required level? If you are mentally capable of performing the role, are your physically and emotionally capable of performing it? Can you physically complete any tasks the job requires? Are you able to handle the emotional highs and lows of the job? Do you let little things negatively affect you? If so, how can you build your resilience so you can have more good days and win at your job?

Lastly, it’s up to you to decide whether you fit best in the field or in management. If you are being offered the choice, you have to weigh the effects of not only a better paycheck, but also your happiness. Only you can choose what is right for you and your family. No matter what option you select, know that your job is important and that all great organizations need strong management and strong execution. Without both, the company is only as strong as its weakest link.

What to do (or not) in today’s “outrage culture”

There are a lot of hot button topics/issues at any moment in time, some legitimate and some not so much. Being in the United States, we have a remarkable freedom to say what we want. It’s a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t mean that we should abuse that freedom. We shouldn’t say mean or hurtful things as is so often done by the “tough people” on the internet. So with today’s blog post, I wanted to touch on two things I’ve been thinking about lately – 1) stop being so easily offended and 2) don’t apologize unless you really mean it.

First of all, we should always work to improve ourselves and one of the best ways to improve yourself is by improving your happiness. With that logic, removing happiness would be a way to make your life worse then, right? Well, one of the quickest ways to remove happiness from your life is to take offense to the everything around you. Today’s first action step is to not be so easily offended.

In today’s “outrage” and “cancel” culture, people seem to take offense at the most minor issues. If you feel you’ve been wronged, take a moment to think before reacting. Did the other person actually do something terrible to you? Was it done maliciously? Or was it a mistake? Do they even know that you feel this way?

Remember, you can’t control what other people do, you can only control your actions and reactions to them. If you live in America, chances are that you’re better off than the majority of the world and aren’t facing issues to the same extent as someone living in a hut in a third world country. Put your “problems” in perspective and stop being so easily offended.

The second thing that I think many of us should work on is to not be apologetic unless you really mean it. I’m not confrontational. I don’t like conflict, so I avoid it when I can. If you’re like me, you may find yourself apologizing to someone for offending them even if what you did isn’t bad in your eyes. Stop doing that. It’s inauthentic and won’t mean very much if you continue doing the same thing you just apologized for.

Think about why you’re saying sorry before you do next time. If someone is mad at you, don’t say sorry just to get back in their good graces if you don’t believe what you did was wrong. If you feel that what you did was right, you should either stand up for your actions (if it’s something worth “fighting” for) or let it go (if it’s something small). But don’t get defensive. If you are, is it because you are actually the one who offended now? They’re allowed to voice their displeasure and disagreement with you. That’s the whole freedom of speech thing that we talked about in paragraph one.

If you’re allowing yourself to become upset because someone else is offended by something you said or did, take a look in the mirror. Are you perpetuating the cycle of having thin skin? Don’t do exactly what you want others to stop doing. Don’t be offended by something that doesn’t really matter in e grand scheme of life.

To recap, don’t take the little things in life too seriously and try to be sensitive to how others feel. Yes, we have the right to a freedom of speech, but that doesn’t mean that you should try to provoke others. Be nice. Try to be the bigger person. If you change your mind about something you’ve said or done in the past, admit it and apologize to those you have legitimately wronged. And when others disagree with you, learn to let the little things go and instead choose to be happy.

Life is short, life is long

Life is short. Life is long. Both statements are true. Use them to your advantage instead of using them as an excuse. What do I mean?

Life is short when you think of our lifespan versus the span of our universe. We shouldn’t waste our time here focusing on things that don’t matter. Yes, we all need money to survive, but are you suffering in other areas because your sole focus is money? After all, we can’t take it with us when we die.

Are you sacrificing time with family, working on your health (mental, physical, spiritual), or letting relationships disintegrate because you choose not to go out to eat with friends or you’re stuck at the office again? Life is meant to be experienced. Go out and have an adventure. Even if it’s not a two week vacation to an exotic location, you can still take “micro adventures” nearby. Can you just go for a day hike, camp in your backyard, or do a ropes course? Can you go to a museum or go four wheeling somewhere? It doesn’t have to be expensive to be meaningful and create lasting memories. Life is short, so go make the most of it.

But guess what?

Life is long.

What??? Didn’t I just go over why life is short? YOLO, right? Well, yes and no. You still need to be responsible and play the long game. It feels good to eat pizza and ice cream, to sleep in, binge watch the latest show, and go on a spending spree. But if that’s your everyday life, the next thing you know, you’ll wake up and it will be ten years later with you weighing 50 lbs more than you ever have, not having challenged yourself or used your brain in a meaningful way, and be up to your eyeballs in debt.

Hopefully you’ll live for a long time. But to live your best future life, more often than not, you’ll need to delay doing what feels good today. You will have to eat right, go workout, read a book occasionally, spend less money than you make and invest the rest. Life is long. Don’t get caught up in hurting your future self by only thinking about what your present self wants.

Just like everything in life, you have to find balance. Find the balance between living for today and setting yourself up for the future. If you go all in on one or the other, you’re much more likely to regret your decisions.