happy | The Caleb Barney Collection

You become your thoughts

“Everything hangs on one’s thinking…A man is as unhappy as he has convinced himself he is.” – Seneca

Seneca, like many other stoic philosophers, had it right when it came to their attitude towards mindset, beliefs, and feelings. Basically, we control how happy or unhappy we are with our thoughts. When something happens, we can convince ourselves that we are lucky or unlucky, that something is happening to us instead of for us, or that it’s a failure versus an opportunity to learn.

We are what we tell ourselves and we become what we consistently think. Think positively and you will become a more positive person. Think negatively and you’ll become more like Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh. For those who are unfamiliar with this character, this is how Wikipedia describes him: “He is generally characterized as a pessimistic, gloomy, depressed, anhedonic, old grey stuffed donkey who is a friend of the title character, Winnie-the-Pooh.”

Now, if you were picking who you wanted to hang out with for a day, would you pick the person who is chronically pessimistic and gloomy? Of course not! And guess who is the only person you hang out with 24 hours a day? (Hint: it’s yourself)…why would you choose to be anything, but happy?

Your happiness starts with YOU

“To be happy together, you first have to be able to be happy alone.” – Mark Manson

You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy – it has to start with you. If you don’t like yourself, how you look, how you act, what you do, or how you do it, how can you expect someone to else to make you feel happy?

It starts with you. You have to like yourself – to be able to enjoy being by yourself and not always needing someone else to be around to distract or entertain you. Once you do that, you can have lasting happiness with someone else. Otherwise, they can make you forget for a moment, but they can’t make you happy “forever.”

Don’t base your happiness on being with someone else. You need to have a base level of happiness with yourself, then you can add others in the mix (like your spouse/significant other, family, friends, co-workers, etc) to amplify it.

Finding your rich life

What is your rich life? Rich doesn’t necessarily mean having a lot of money. It’s having enough money while being happy most days. Do you enjoy what you do every day (or most days)? Do you get to spend time with loved ones? Do you get to play? Find out how you can get to do something that you like doing every day, where it feels “light” to do it.

Why shouldn’t work be fun? I love the quote, “I take the work that I do seriously, but I don’t take myself seriously at all.” You should care about the work that you do. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun doing it though. You should not take yourself so seriously though. If you fail or mess up, that’s fine. You should want your kids to see you fail from time to time just so they know that it happens and it’s not the end of the world. But you should also want them to see you rise up and overcome those failures. You cant be kept down unless you chose to not get back up. Nothing can stop you except yourself.

What to do when you’re feeling sad

When you feel sad, go do something. Do something that usually makes you happy. Take your mind off of whatever is bothering you, not to completely distract you from pain, but to let you come back to it later with a different perspective. Go work out, hang out with friends, watch a movie, read, be productive… Movement is key. Don’t sit and wallow in your sorrow. You’re likely not going to come up with a solution to your problem if you only focus on the bad and feel sorry for yourself.

Smile. Laugh. Move. It’s hard to be sad and laugh at the same time. When your body feels good (like during/after a workout), it can trick your mind into feeling good. Get going and you will begin to feel better. And realize, all things pass with time. The sadness you’re currently feeling will eventually go away on its own, but it will go away even quicker if you help the process.

Spreading joy to make yourself happier

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

Joy, happiness, and laughter are contagious! Even if you are not happy, trying to make others happy can help improve your mood as well.

If you’re moping around, you may get attention in the short-term. Nice people or people who care about you will ask how you’re doing and try to offer encouragement or advice. But if you’re constantly down in the dumps, eventually people will not want to hang around you as much because you’ll drag their mood down too.

Be happy. Try to make others feel good. The more you can genuinely make others laugh or be happy, the more they’ll want to do the same for you. And you get the positive benefit of doing something nice for others, which will increase your happiness.