Tag: hard work

On resilience

I read a quote/meme on LinkedIn recently that said, “Instead of prioritizing teaching kids to be resilient, we should focus on eliminating traumatic events.”

While I think that the person who said this is coming from a good place, I disagree with it wholeheartedly.

Absolutely, I wish there were less traumatic events in life. I wish there were no school shootings, I wish there was no bullying, etc, etc.

But we can’t control everything – including what others do, say, or think. If we don’t try to teach kids to build resilience by overcoming defeat and by seeing/facing traumatic experiences, eventually, trivial events will seem traumatic to them. If the worst thing that happens to them is they get a “B” on their report card, that will be considered traumatic to them. After all, nothing else bad has happened to them, so they have nothing else to compare it to. That becomes the most traumatic event in their life. How will they handle it? They can try harder, or they can play the victim card (which it seems is what society caters to).

We can’t stop death. What happens when a kid faces the death of a loved one? It’s already hard for them (and it always will be/should be). But if they have never encountered any challenges along the way, do you think they will be more or less equipped to handle it?

So, while I do want their to be less trauma in the world, I think it is imperative that we still focus on teaching/building resilience and mental toughness. As John F. Kennedy said, “Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.”

Life can be difficult. Instead of wishing for it to be easier (less trauma), make yourself stronger (mentally, physically, and emotionally) to handle it.

How to deal with our own problems

There are legitimate hurdles and hardships we have to overcome on a daily, weekly, and yearly basis. But most of the hurdles we face in life are not unique to ourselves.

That problem with getting good grades? Or the person who has been bullying you? Something happened to you at work? Or your home life isn’t quite what you want it to be?

You are unique, but the problems you’re facing have been encountered (and overcome) by others.

The issue is when we pity ourselves. Then, it’s not just the obstacle we’re facing anymore. We’ve also added a self-imposed obstacle – our mindset. If we think we can’t do something, that we’re the victim in a situation, or that to overcome the original obstacle will be difficult, it will be!

Instead of focusing on the problem, focus on solutions! Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive. Have faith that you will prevail, try to find answers, and start taking action. Don’t feel bad for yourself and realize that plenty of other people have been in a similar situation as you and they’ve been able to survive/thrive. You can too!

The difference between good and great

The difference between good and great for most people is not talent or ability – it’s discipline.

Can you find the discipline to do what you don’t want to do, even though you know you need to do it? And the trick is, you can’t just do it once. You have to develop the habit to consistently do what you need to do and to make progress everyday.

Getting even 1% better everyday should be our goal. If we stay in our comfort zone, we will plateau early. But if we keep pushing the limits every day, in 10 years you will be amazed by how far you’ve come.

On competition and motivation

I hear people say all the time that you only should focus on “running your own race” and not worry about what anyone else is doing. I agree that you need to turn your attention inward to be happiest with your effort (and, if applied correctly, with your results).

BUT we’re human and most people thrive on competition among other similarly-skilled individuals. If you’re working out with someone or next to someone, you’re much more likely to push yourself a little more to keep up with or to beat that person.

Having intrinsic motivation will lead to better consistency (like getting out of bed and going to the gym when you don’t feel like it). External motivation will lead to better results (once you’ve gotten to the gym). So while you shouldn’t rely on always needing to have external motivation, it’s a nice way to enhance your results.

A hedgehog or a fox?

Are you a hedgehog or a fox? This is based on Stephen Covey’s writing…

While it is naturally appealing to be a fox (to be good at many things, but not world class in anything), should our goal be to become a hedgehog (be laser focused on mastering one thing, being world class at it, and benefitting from it)?

The idea here is to go deep in one particular subject. Read about it, write about it, talk with others who have already done it (mentors), talk with others who are on the same path (mastermind), listen to books and podcasts, and teach it (to those “behind” you on the path and to those who are not yet traveling on that path).

Learn even more by experiencing it yourself…You’ll make mistakes along the way, but as long as you take the time to figure out what went wrong (or what you think went wrong) and then get back up and try again – you’ll be better for it. In fact, some people think failing quickly and failing often is the key to success.

Because we are amateurs when we first set out to do anything, we don’t know what we don’t know. Nothing will ever be perfect and if we wait for perfection to get started then we’ll never get started. There is no perfect time. The “perfect” time to get started is right now…

If we do finally decide to take action, despite all of our preparation (aka procrastination), we will still make mistakes. So it’s best to get those mistakes out of the way and “fail” quickly! Because, in reality, it’s only a failure if you give up. Otherwise it’s only a bump in the road.

Go deep. Master one subject then try to expand to other related areas after you’ve truly grasped one. If you spread yourself too thin, you might be able to become a Jack of all trades and a master of none. But that will take a long time. If you focus on one (like a laser), you can “quickly” master it and move onto another subject if your heart desires.