hardship | The Caleb Barney Collection

Setting easy and hard goals

It’s only a partial truth when you hear the saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Because the alternative to that is that something could beat you down and wear you out, and if you don’t allow yourself to recover before the next defeat, you’re only going to see a decrease in performance. Too many harsh defeats in a row could decrease your confidence, and instead of making you stronger, it weakens your resolve.

Practice balancing between setting hard to achieve, but still realistic goals and getting some quick wins under your belt (to build momentum and confidence). When you do go for something and fail, prioritize learning from your mistakes and recovering from failures. Just make sure that A) you’re not aiming too low just to avoid the feeling of pain/loss; and B) you have regular stretch goals that are realistic, but definitely not guaranteed.

There are no shortcuts worth taking in the long run

There are no shortcuts worth taking in the long run. Of course, this is metaphorically speaking. I’m sure you could find actual examples of shortcuts that are beneficial to you. But in the way of thinking of trying to avoid putting in the hard work, it is almost always better that you go through that tough experience instead of trying to skirt around it. The hardships will help to develop you as a person.

So instead of cheating to get an A in a class or on a test, study hard and earn that A. That way you’ll actually learn the material and be able to use it in the future.

Or instead of taking steroids to get strong really quickly, build your body over time. It will be safer and better for your overall health.

Instead of lying or taking credit when you don’t deserve it at work, tell the truth and you’ll earn more respect. Share the credit with others when it is due to them. Be humble in your successes and gracious in your defeats.

Learn to enjoy the journey instead of only focusing on the destination. When you stop and pay attention, you’ll realize that the trials and tribulations you experience along the way are some of your best learning lessons.

To experience success, you must experience failure

“Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.” – Arianna Huffington

Success is something we all crave. Failure is something we try to avoid like the plague. But to experience the most success possible, you must also endure many failures along the way.

Success is not about never failing. It’s not about never having a hard time. It’s not about making everything look easy/effortless.

Everyone who has done anything great or meaningful in their lives has had to overcome hardships. But here’s the thing, the people who toil in misery? They have faced those hardships as well, but instead of rising after they have fallen, they stay down. Don’t stay down…get up after you fail. Dust yourself off. Adapt and overcome. Eventually, you will turn your failures into success as well.

Using adversity as a positive

Adversity isn’t a stumbling block…it’s a stepping stone to success. Don’t let tough times get you down. Instead, use them to learn and take you to where you want to be!

It’s been said that there is no growth without discomfort. And there’s no doubt that facing adversity can be very uncomfortable. But if you realize that and make the most of any situation (good or bad), you will grow from it. You will always have that experience to remember what to do or what not to do, and the ramifications of your actions or inactions.

Protective parenting

Being a parent of young children, I finally understand why you have those overbearing, overprotective parents. As a parent, you never want to see your child hurting – whether physically or emotionally. But we have to accept that pain is part of life and we cannot (and should not) try to shield them from everything.

We want to protect our children, but the irony is that the best thing we can do is let them experience hardship. If you don’t let them experience any pain, they won’t be able to cope with facing more difficult circumstances.

One of the best feelings a person can have is overcoming adversity. Facing a stacked deck and still winning. Why would you want to take that away from them? There is no thrill in victory without the possibility of defeat. If you know that you can’t lose, what’s the point of playing the game? It becomes boring. The same goes for your children…

If you have children, let them struggle. Part of experiencing the highs in life is also knowing about the lows. Don’t jump in to try to save them from being able to know and understand both. Helping them right now can actually be hurting them in the future. But it’s important to start small and to start young. The more quickly they are able to stumble and fall, yet get back up, the better off they’ll be in the long run.