health | The Caleb Barney Collection

Half-baked thoughts: Varying levels of parenting

Levels of parenting:

1) Being a parent = Having a child.

2) Being a good parent = Taking care of your child/children.

3) Being a great parent = Taking care of yourself and your child/children.

It doesn’t take much to be a parent, but it does take a lot of time, effort, and sacrifice to be a good or great parent. The difference between good and great might not be what you think though…instead of giving more to your kids and never letting them struggle, I think a great parent lets their kids find things out on their own.

A great parent lays the foundation for their children – making them feel loved and safe, providing a roof over their heads, and giving them access to healthy foods. A great parent also teaches their kids manners, how to respect others and to be kind, and to have a good work ethic.

But a great parent is not a helicopter parent (or, a lawnmower parent). They don’t hover over their children – never letting their kids experience failure or disappointment. They also don’t clear a path for their children – making their lives so easy that they never experience struggle.

Lastly (at least for this post), a great parent takes care of themself as well as their children. They eat right, exercise their mind and body, and are financially responsible. They are there to serve as a role model for the kids, who inevitably will learn from the parent’s actions. This not only allows the parent to have their own time to recharge, but it also gives the kids some independence from their parents.

Everything is interconnected

Have you noticed how pushing yourself physically improves your mental strength? Or how challenging or positively stressing your mind can benefit you relationally and spiritually? And by taking care of all of those things somehow creates a better financial picture for you and your family?

Everything you do is interconnected. You may be focused on one aspect of your life (like physical health), only to realize the side effects it has in other areas. This is why it’s so important to start your day off right. I love the Miracle Morning for this reason. In it, Hal Elrod recommends to start off each day with S.A.V.E.R.S.

S.A.V.E.R.S. is an acronym that stands for silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading, and scribing (writing). If you can wake up an extra half hour (or hour) early to do this, you can build momentum for the rest of your day. By doing this, you will have stimulated your mind and your body, while also giving you clarity on what you want/need to accomplish for the day. I often feel energized after doing this.

Once I’m done with the S.A.V.E.R.S., I make a healthy breakfast. I know that not everyone likes to eat breakfast, but I feel it’s the most important meal of the day, if only because it is when you have the most willpower to eat healthy (while also saving money and giving you the satisfaction knowing that you cooked that meal). If you skip breakfast, it’s too easy to buy fast food or to eat donuts at the office (hurting your wallet and your waistline). And once you start down that slippery slope, it’s hard to get back on track.

Figure out how you can continue to stack little wins throughout the day. It can feel overwhelming to win the day, month, or year. But when you put it into perspective to just take one small, positive action at a time, eventually they’ll add up to make you a healthier, happier person. And don’t forget, every decision you make is interconnected with a different part of your life. Never take that for granted.

How to stay healthy: 10 things to focus on everyday for your healthiest life.

How do you stay healthy?

1. Stay adequately hydrated. This will help you feel more alert and awake, it will help your body feel better (and more your joints lubricated), and it will help your kidneys.

2. Eat a healthy diet (varied color and type of fruits and vegetables each day; different protein sources each day). The cleaner you eat, the better you feel. Aim for a good variety so you aren’t missing any key nutrients. Take a multivitamin as a true supplement (it’s meant to add to your dietary success, not to be your dietary success).

3. Live a healthy lifestyle (minimize sitting; do meaningful exercise at least 30-minutes per day…do something physically and mentally challenging every day). Be outside – get some sunshine (vitamin D).

4. Maximize quality sleep. A high quantity of sleep can be helpful, but why sleep more than you need to? At that point you’re literally sleeping away time in your day, and time is the most important and scarce non-renewable resource we have. Focus on getting just the right amount of good sleep.

5. Interact with someone you care about each day AND treat them well. Be generous. It will help you mentally and make others feel good too.

6. Forgive yourself and don’t sweat the small stuff. In the grand scheme of life, it probably doesn’t really matter.

7. Be interested/learn something new every day. When you stop growing or getting excited to learn, you slowly start dying and becoming less interested.

8. Be involved with a good church (or other positive community). See, talk with, and interact with positive people in a positive environment often.

9. Spend less than you earn. Automatically set aside money to “pay yourself first” and invest. This will help you feel less financial stress and allow for you to spend on things you actually care about.

10. Have long-term goals. You should always be striving to improve yourself.

Train your mind to be stronger than your emotions

It doesn’t matter how much you want something, if you don’t train your mind to be stronger than your emotions, you’ll constantly be taking one step forward and two steps back.

Think about wanting to get in the best physical shape of your life. First, you need to set a SMART goal. Then, you need to figure out why that goal is important to you. After that, you need to put a plan in place to achieve your goal. During the planning period, you may be doing research to complete the perfect plan (which doesn’t exist), but that should not stop you from getting started (done is better than perfect). Lastly, you need to find an accountability partner who makes sure you are actively and consistently working towards your goal.

If you let your emotions take over (especially your negative emotions), you’ll find an excuse to not do what you know you need to be doing! It feels better (at the time) to stay in your warm, comfy bed and sleep in. It feels better (at the time) to eat another serving or to have dessert or to have a bedtime snack. It feels better to sit on the couch and watch tv or scroll on Instagram. For every short-term pleasure, there is a long-term consequence. And if you really want to achieve your goals, you have to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions (and just doing what feels good in the moment).

So what’s more important to you? A little extra sleep? Or getting up, keeping that promise to yourself, and striving towards your goals?

Trust me, in the end, you will feel so much better about yourself knowing that you set a difficult goal and you achieved it. You persisted through the ups and downs. It was simple, but it wasn’t easy, and not many people are willing to do what you do to get what you want.

Train your mind. If you listen to your emotions, listen to the positive ones that are pushing you towards your goals. Use those! But steel your mind. Make it so strong that your negative emotions cannot overcome you when you put your mind to something.

Going through the motions only gets you so far…

Part of success and of achieving goals is being consistent. Taking consistent action is the foundation for nearly every successful person. Do you think Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Michael Jordan, or LeBron James would only work out or study tape when they felt like it? Or did they do something to improve themselves mentally and physically everyday? Their consistent actions of going to the gym everyday helped to get their body right and watching tape helped them understand defenses and get their mind right.

But just because you go to the gym everyday doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to get the results you want. That is part of the equation (a big part), but it’s not the only thing. But if you go to the gym and talk to people for a half hour then leave, are you going to achieve the physical goals that you set for yourself? Or if you are just “going through the motions,” and you don’t ever push yourself by trying to lift more weight, do more reps, take less rest period, or complete your routine in a faster time, are you really going to improve as much as you want?

Being present is great. It’s better than not being there. But don’t trick yourself or fall into the trap thinking that you’ve accomplished your goal just by being there. That’s part of the equation to success, but once you’re there, you need to put in focused, intentional work to achieve the results you want.