Judge a person based on their actions, not their words. People can say whatever they want, and often say what they think you want to hear. Don’t have “happy ears” and take them at their word unless they have a proven track record of following through to do what they say. Make them earn that trust first. They have to build up that “trust bank account.” Every time they keep their word or do something honorable/commendable, they are making a deposit into their trust bank account. If they start to be dishonest, untrustworthy, or make questionable moral decisions, they are making withdrawals. If they make too many withdrawals and not enough deposits, they will go bankrupt with your trust bank.
Tag: honesty
The grandma test
Have core values and principles guide your decisions. If you have those in place, whenever you face a specific circumstance which goes against your core values, you already have an answer of what not to do. The potential downfalls will be gray areas though. Be careful to react to events which do not have a clear answer. Try to prolong making a decision, if possible (especially an irreversible decision for something large). Gray areas can be portals to bad decisions.
One thing that you can do to minimize making bad choices is perform the “grandma test.” The grandma test is simply asking yourself if you would feel comfortable or proud telling your grandma what you just did. Are you embarrassed or ashamed by your actions? Would you not want to tell your grandma how you acted in a particular situation? If so, it does not pass the grandma test and you should not do that.
Being true to yourself
I can’t change anyone’s mind. You can’t either. We can’t force others to change their thoughts or behaviors. We can only hope to influence these things with our words and our actions – by doing what we feel is right.
Don’t bury your head in the sand and hope that a problem goes away. Talk about it. Be open. Be vulnerable.
A lot of people don’t speak up because they fear they will lose their job, lose some of their social standing, maybe reduce their status among their peers… But really, what’s the worst that can happen? If you are punished when you stand up for something you believe in, it will be worth it. You may get some backlash from a select few, but you’ll get respect from others, and most importantly you can keep respect for yourself.
In the end, hopefully you’ll realize that chasing attention and admiration from others is a futile game. You have to work on keeping your dignity and respecting yourself. If you do that, you’ll live a good life.