integrity | The Caleb Barney Collection

A “don’t” list of traits…

I think a lot about the traits I admire most – integrity, work ethic, respect, and positivity are just a few. But recently, I thought of the traits that “trigger” me the most. Not surprisingly, they are mostly opposites of what I look for.

For example, if someone is not honest or if they only tell half truths to mislead/deceive people, I immediately feel that I can’t trust them. How do I know they won’t cover up the actual truth just to look good? Or that they won’t tell me something so they can gain/profit from it?

When I see lazy people (employed or not), I don’t want to associate with them. Whether they are lazy when it comes to their work habits, taking care of themselves, etc…I often find that it carries over into other parts of their lives too.

When I see people who are consistently rude, I don’t want to associate with them. Often times they say it’s sarcasm or that they’re telling it like it is, but I feel that’s just an excuse. There’s usually a better way to get your point across.

And when I see people who are always negative, often they’ll call them realists. But what you think, your life will become. It’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’re not even giving yourself a chance if you’re not optimistic/positive. A lot of people will think you’re crazy if you have high goals and high expectations. I think that maybe they just set the bar too low and settle for mediocrity.

What’s on your list of traits to avoid?

Telling the truth

One rule that I live by is to tell the truth as often as possible. I’ve told the truth even when it was in my best interest not to. The reason I do it is three-fold…

First, I tell the truth because it’s the right thing to do. To me, it just doesn’t sit right in my soul to lie to someone else, especially for something important. I’ve told “white lies” many times before, but they usually make me want to come out and say what I really mean. Every time I lie, the other person may not know, but I do. And I don’t want that to chip away at my integrity and how I view myself. To lie because it’s easy is a coward’s way out.

Second, I tell the truth because the truth is likely to come out anyways and I want to maintain my integrity in the eyes of others. Part of the first reason I tell the truth is to maintain how I view myself, but as much as I specifically don’t care how random people view me, I do want people to generally view me as someone who is honest. If I keep telling lies and it turns out that the other person found out I lied, I begin to lose credibility. It takes a lot more effort to regain their trust once you’ve lost it.

Third, I tell the truth because it takes less energy to do so. Have you ever been caught in a web of lies? You have to keep fabricating a story for it to “make sense.” Then, when retelling the story, you have to try to stay consistent with what you’ve already said. How can you keep track of it all when it’s all made up? It takes less energy to just tell the truth. If there are consequences, so be it. Get those out of the way. Apologize if necessary. But I’d rather rip the band-aid off by telling the truth rather than prolong the story (and have the anxiety of wondering when you’re going to get caught/be found out).

The truth hurts sometimes. It sucks. But I’d rather know the truth and do something about it than be told a lie and think everything was ok. If you feel the same way, why would you treat anyone else so poorly by lying to them?

You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do

Actions mean more than words. You can say you’re going to do x, y, and z, but if you don’t follow through, your words ring hollow. You begin to lose credibility with your peers. Maybe you have great intentions to actually do what you say, but in the end, what people remember is if you actually did the deed. So whether it is a personal goal of yours (I’m going to work out 5+ days/week), a professional goal (I’m going to call 5+ connections per day), or even relationally (telling your friends you’ll meet them out and then not showing up), if you say you’ll do something and don’t do it, people will eventually stop believing you.

Ultimately, you are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. What is holding you back? Today, and each day moving forward, make a commitment to follow through on what you say AND to do the things to be the person you want to become.

What type of players do you have on your team?

What type of players do you have and your team? Grade each player/team member. Do you have A players, B players, C, D, or F? An A player has all the attributes you want. They have a good work ethic, are ambitious, speak and act with integrity, are always willing to help the team, have a good attitude, and are always looking to learn or improve. A B player might be missing one of those attributes or might have a lower level of several of those attributes. A C player will be missing multiple attributes. You should seriously consider whether or not to keep a C player on your team. Are they willing to work hard to become an A or B player? If not, better to cut the cord and let them go. D and F players should not be on your team, as they are just dragging everyone else down and making them work harder.

There is the saying that when a flower doesn’t bloom (or a tree doesn’t grow), it’s not the flower/tree’s fault, it’s the environment. That is true of flowers and also in business. You need to have the right environment around for your best players to blossom and to become the best versions of themselves. But at the same time, not every flower/tree/plant is meant to survive in every environment. For example, you aren’t going to see a cactus thrive in Alaska or a palm tree in Antarctica. Sometimes you cannot change the environment. Or at least, you shouldn’t change the environment to suit the needs of the extreme outliers in your company. Some people will succeed and others you may need to let go. Don’t change your environment for C, D, or F players. You will drive out your A and B players. Don’t cater to the weak spots on your team. They need to step up their game and take responsibility.

Be likeable

Have you met someone who just makes you feel good when you’re around them?

Be that person to other people. How? Listen to them intently, encourage them (with verbal and nonverbal cues) to keep talking, be interested, know when to add to the conversation/when to interrupt and when not to, smile, don’t be too eager/annoying, if they’re busy with something then leave them be. Have interests. Have things to talk about, but don’t always make it about you. Ask questions. Be approachable. Include others in your conversation. Be nice – not only to that person, but to everyone around you. Be a person of integrity. Be an expert in your field. Know your worth.

The more likeable you are, the further you are likely to go. “You can go fast alone, but you can go far together.” The more people enjoy your company, the more they will try to help you achieve your goals. Let them help you and you will go far.