Tag: integrity

What to do (or not) in today’s “outrage culture”

There are a lot of hot button topics/issues at any moment in time, some legitimate and some not so much. Being in the United States, we have a remarkable freedom to say what we want. It’s a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t mean that we should abuse that freedom. We shouldn’t say mean or hurtful things as is so often done by the “tough people” on the internet. So with today’s blog post, I wanted to touch on two things I’ve been thinking about lately – 1) stop being so easily offended and 2) don’t apologize unless you really mean it.

First of all, we should always work to improve ourselves and one of the best ways to improve yourself is by improving your happiness. With that logic, removing happiness would be a way to make your life worse then, right? Well, one of the quickest ways to remove happiness from your life is to take offense to the everything around you. Today’s first action step is to not be so easily offended.

In today’s “outrage” and “cancel” culture, people seem to take offense at the most minor issues. If you feel you’ve been wronged, take a moment to think before reacting. Did the other person actually do something terrible to you? Was it done maliciously? Or was it a mistake? Do they even know that you feel this way?

Remember, you can’t control what other people do, you can only control your actions and reactions to them. If you live in America, chances are that you’re better off than the majority of the world and aren’t facing issues to the same extent as someone living in a hut in a third world country. Put your “problems” in perspective and stop being so easily offended.

The second thing that I think many of us should work on is to not be apologetic unless you really mean it. I’m not confrontational. I don’t like conflict, so I avoid it when I can. If you’re like me, you may find yourself apologizing to someone for offending them even if what you did isn’t bad in your eyes. Stop doing that. It’s inauthentic and won’t mean very much if you continue doing the same thing you just apologized for.

Think about why you’re saying sorry before you do next time. If someone is mad at you, don’t say sorry just to get back in their good graces if you don’t believe what you did was wrong. If you feel that what you did was right, you should either stand up for your actions (if it’s something worth “fighting” for) or let it go (if it’s something small). But don’t get defensive. If you are, is it because you are actually the one who offended now? They’re allowed to voice their displeasure and disagreement with you. That’s the whole freedom of speech thing that we talked about in paragraph one.

If you’re allowing yourself to become upset because someone else is offended by something you said or did, take a look in the mirror. Are you perpetuating the cycle of having thin skin? Don’t do exactly what you want others to stop doing. Don’t be offended by something that doesn’t really matter in e grand scheme of life.

To recap, don’t take the little things in life too seriously and try to be sensitive to how others feel. Yes, we have the right to a freedom of speech, but that doesn’t mean that you should try to provoke others. Be nice. Try to be the bigger person. If you change your mind about something you’ve said or done in the past, admit it and apologize to those you have legitimately wronged. And when others disagree with you, learn to let the little things go and instead choose to be happy.

Actions and the highest bidder

“Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.” – George Washington

People are often incentivized to do nothing (or worse, to do the wrong thing) by being rewarded. Meanwhile, they are often hurt (financially, socially, etc.) by doing the right thing. The question is, do you have the intestinal fortitude to do what is right, no matter the consequences?

Responding to what happens to us

There is a great quote by Charles Swindoll in which he says, “life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it.” The numbers are made up, but that’s not the point. The point is that we can’t control the world around us, but we can control our actions/reactions to life events. Trying to control what other people say, do, or think is a waste of energy. Trying to control a situation that is out of your hands or dealing with an event that might or might not happen in the future isn’t going to help. Don’t let the surrounding events dictate your life.

For past events, accept that what has happened has already happened. You can’t change the past, no matter how hard you want to. If it’s something that you did wrong, you can’t take back what you did. But you can apologize and make sure that you don’t do it again. If it was someone who wronged you, you can choose to forgive them or not. I’d choose to forgive though, because why carry around the negative feelings? It probably doesn’t affect the other person the way that you’re letting it affect you. You’re giving them power over you even after they have wronged you.

For events happening right now, you can only act with what information you have at hand. Do what you think is right, what feels right, and try not to live with any regrets. You won’t do things perfectly. And in the future you might chalk it up to being young and dumb, but that’s ok. Grow from your experiences. If you honestly believe that you’re doing what’s best (and trying to be empathetic if your actions will affect others), you’re more likely to be ok with your current decisions later in life.

For future events, develop plans. I will do Plan A if X happens and I will do Plan B if Y happens, etc etc. These should be general plans because nothing will ever happen exactly as you lay it out in your plan. But if you have a general idea of what you’ll do if certain things happen, you’re more likely to respond in a more productive way to the future circumstances because you’ve at least given it a little thought. You never know what the future will bring, but once again, life is only 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.

Ultimately, we are more responsible for the outcome of our lives than we tend to believe. Sometimes it feels like things are happening “to us” instead of “for us,” but the actions we take/don’t take often will have a far greater impact on our lives than the events surrounding us. Don’t be the victim in your life story. Be the victor. Conquer life’s challenges and keep working to be the solution as the world presents more problems to you.

Being true to yourself

I can’t change anyone’s mind. You can’t either. We can’t force others to change their thoughts or behaviors. We can only hope to influence these things with our words and our actions – by doing what we feel is right.

Don’t bury your head in the sand and hope that a problem goes away. Talk about it. Be open. Be vulnerable.

A lot of people don’t speak up because they fear they will lose their job, lose some of their social standing, maybe reduce their status among their peers… But really, what’s the worst that can happen? If you are punished when you stand up for something you believe in, it will be worth it. You may get some backlash from a select few, but you’ll get respect from others, and most importantly you can keep respect for yourself.

In the end, hopefully you’ll realize that chasing attention and admiration from others is a futile game. You have to work on keeping your dignity and respecting yourself. If you do that, you’ll live a good life.

Doing the right thing, always

You build resilience by encountering and overcoming difficult situations. You build character by the choices you make when the going gets tough.

It is easy to do the right thing in times of peace. But when you’re being challenged? That’s when you need to step up.

Think about the long-term ramifications of your decision and if you will be proud of what you’re about to say or do. The same can be said of your inaction as well. Will you be able to look back and be proud by not doing something?

Hindsight is 20-20. We all wish we could have said something or done something different at some point in our lives. Try not to make today one of those days.