journey | The Caleb Barney Collection

You have to get started

A journey of 1,000 miles begins with just one step. — “The journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step.” – Lao Tzu

How often do we look at success stories and either become envious of the person who “made it” or think to ourselves, “I could never do that.”

The truth is, we are more capable than we think. Everyone has to start somewhere. Sometimes, our starting lines are staggered, as some people grow up in better/worse environments, with more/less natural abilities, resources, and privileges. But that doesn’t mean that we should give up before we even get started!

Start where you are. Put blinders on. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter where you start versus where anyone else starts, it only matters that you start AND that you keep going. Because the situation is what it is. You can’t do anything to change the past – whether it’s your past actions/inactions or your parents’ past actions/inactions. You are where you are and the only thing that can change that is you. You can choose to make your life better or you can make excuses for why you can’t do something.

The key to any great story though, is that the hero of the story got started. It started with a single step. And the best stories – the most compelling ones – aren’t the ones where everything comes easy to the hero. The hero often will have doubts and have to go through trials and tribulations. But the reason we know about these heroes is because they overcame the difficulties they faced and persevered. Whether you think about Frodo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or even Jesus Christ. They all started somewhere. They all had challenges they needed to overcome. But to get to where they needed to be, each of them kept taking the next step.

So take a look at your life. Are you where you want to be? Are you proud of the story you’re writing? We are each the heroes of our own journeys. Refuse to play the victim, the villain, or a passive character. Be the hero! Take the first step and keep on going.

Being the guide or going along for the ride

Understand when you’re supposed to be the guide/advisor and when you’re supposed to be someone going along for the ride.

If it’s the former, you need to take charge. Provide more input and make suggestions as the guide. You still don’t want to do everything for the other person (they want to be the hero of their own story), but with your help, they can get where they want to go.

If you’re just tagging along, read the situation and minimize your input. Here, the other person wants to be the primary decision-maker. Be there to support them and to listen to them, but don’t try to be the white knight and solve all of their problems. They want to feel listened to.

Embracing the suck

Have you ever caught yourself wishing for more? Have you said, “I can’t wait to get out of this crappy apartment!” Or, “This car is the worst! I want to get a new one.” Or even, “I’ll be happier once X happens.”

But the reality is, those things you think you want? The things you think will make you happy? They won’t give you lasting happiness. You’ll love your new apartment or car for a couple of months, then that will become your new normal, your baseline will reset, and you eventually will want something newer and better again. You have to change your mindset if you want lasting happiness. It’s like the cliche, “Life is a journey, not a destination. Learn to enjoy the ride.”

Instead of wishing for more, we should work on being grateful for what we have. We should enjoy where we’re at, and that means sometimes you have to embrace the suck. It may not be the most fun now, but as long as you put yourself in a position to get past this (without focusing too much on the end result, a.k.a. “the destination”), one day you’ll be able to look back fondly at the memories you’re making.

I remember living in a century house in Columbus my sophomore and junior years in college. The one side of the house didn’t really warm up that well during the winter months and we were broke college students, so we closed that section off. At its worst, the kitchen must have been 10 degrees colder than the living room, maybe more. But it’s not like the living room was that warm either. In addition to having the curtains closed and a blanket lining the bottom of the door (to minimize the draft), we always wore sweatpants and hoodies while wrapped up in a blanket with the space heater nearby. Our rooms were cold too, especially mine since I lived in the attic! It wasn’t the best house, but we loved it. You have to embrace those moments and the memories you are blessed to make with others. Now, over ten years later, my old roommates and I still bring up those times and laugh. We’ve moved on to bigger and better things, but that’s kind of the point. You don’t want to be stuck in a crappy house (or situation) forever. You should be ambitious. You should have goals. But don’t make those the end all, be all. Focus on the journey, not the destination. After all, a little adversity is going to kill you.

I know that we plan on letting our kids have that crappy job, the embarrassing car that has a name, and a stereotypical college house/apartment. It builds resilience and character. When things aren’t handed to you and you occasionally have to “embrace the suck,” it allows you to put your current situation into perspective. You’ll eventually get past this hurdle, but until then, try to soak everything in. Remember every detail of what’s going on. It will only make the story that much better when you relive/retell it in the future. Until then, try to enjoy the ride.