Tag: life

Capacities

Be careful not to judge other people’s capacity to do/withstand something. Not only are there different types of capacities/limits, such as mental, physical, or emotional capacities, but everyone is different in what their capacities are for each type. For example, you may be incredibly strong physically, but maybe you’re overburdened at home and your emotional capacity is very low.

Another thing to realize is our capacities are fluid, as they are constantly changing depending on what is going on in our lives. Maybe you just lost your job, your significant other decided to leave you (taking the dog too), and you were diagnosed with cancer. While your emotional capacity may normally be very high, you would probably be at the tipping point where even something very small which would normally not affect you makes you break down and cry.

These are just a couple of reasons why you should not judge others, but especially if you don’t have a good understanding of who they are and what their typical capacities/capabilities are. What you see from others is only a snapshot for where they are at any one particular time in their life.

Instead of judging others before you really get to know them, default to giving people the benefit of the doubt. They can be down one day, or even for a brief period in time, but after you’ve gotten to know them and their story, eventually you will have a better understanding of what their typical capacities are.

Just like anything else, we all have the ability to strengthen and improve each capacity. Are you working on improving yours? If you’re working with someone, or partnering with them, do you know if they are willing to work on improving theirs? You should not focus on where you (or others) are currently, but on where you (and they) are going based on their daily actions.

Being proactive

Do you know the worst part about trying to be proactive?

You can’t quantify the results. How can you say that you saved “x” dollars or “y” lives for an event that didn’t happen because you took action to prevent it from happening? And how do you absolutely know that if you hadn’t acted the way you had, that an event would have played out the way you thought? There are no guarantees.

But you can’t look at it that way. You have to take the best action you believe possible with the information you have at hand. Because what’s more expensive? Going to the doctor AFTER you got sick? Or NOT having to go to the doctor because you took care of yourself?

You might as well pay a little more right now to use a gym membership, to pay for and eat healthy foods, and to sharpen your mind. At first, it’s more expensive than sitting on the couch, eating potato chips, but what are your future costs? Try to be proactive and make the best decisions not only for the now, but also for the future.

Do the best you can

All anyone should ever expect of someone else is that they do the best they can based on the knowledge and experience they have. How can you fault someone (including yourself) for making a poor decision when they were only acting based on their past experiences and the information they had at hand? That’s like me judging my 10-year old self for doing something dumb. Should I hold a grudge against 10-year old me? (Hint: the answer is no.)

Hindsight is always 20-20. We have all said or done things that we wish we wouldn’t have said or done, whether it was a minor offense or a major transgression. But you can’t change the past, you can only change how you will act in the future. The best way to make sure you improve your future actions is to continually be evolving. Work on improving yourself everyday – improving your mindset, working towards having an attitude of gratitude, teaching yourself to be more forgiving.

We all make mistakes, but all we can do is continue to try our best. As we watch others or experience something ourselves, we should take note as to how certain actions affect others. How did that make them feel? Was that the best way to handle the situation or would it have been more productive to approach it another way? Lastly, don’t judge others for doing something that you yourself may have done just a few years ago. Everyone is journeying through life together. They may be a little further ahead or behind you on the path, but don’t be so harsh to criticize when that could have been you making the same poor decision.

Embracing the suck

Have you ever caught yourself wishing for more? Have you said, “I can’t wait to get out of this crappy apartment!” Or, “This car is the worst! I want to get a new one.” Or even, “I’ll be happier once X happens.”

But the reality is, those things you think you want? The things you think will make you happy? They won’t give you lasting happiness. You’ll love your new apartment or car for a couple of months, then that will become your new normal, your baseline will reset, and you eventually will want something newer and better again. You have to change your mindset if you want lasting happiness. It’s like the cliche, “Life is a journey, not a destination. Learn to enjoy the ride.”

Instead of wishing for more, we should work on being grateful for what we have. We should enjoy where we’re at, and that means sometimes you have to embrace the suck. It may not be the most fun now, but as long as you put yourself in a position to get past this (without focusing too much on the end result, a.k.a. “the destination”), one day you’ll be able to look back fondly at the memories you’re making.

I remember living in a century house in Columbus my sophomore and junior years in college. The one side of the house didn’t really warm up that well during the winter months and we were broke college students, so we closed that section off. At its worst, the kitchen must have been 10 degrees colder than the living room, maybe more. But it’s not like the living room was that warm either. In addition to having the curtains closed and a blanket lining the bottom of the door (to minimize the draft), we always wore sweatpants and hoodies while wrapped up in a blanket with the space heater nearby. Our rooms were cold too, especially mine since I lived in the attic! It wasn’t the best house, but we loved it. You have to embrace those moments and the memories you are blessed to make with others. Now, over ten years later, my old roommates and I still bring up those times and laugh. We’ve moved on to bigger and better things, but that’s kind of the point. You don’t want to be stuck in a crappy house (or situation) forever. You should be ambitious. You should have goals. But don’t make those the end all, be all. Focus on the journey, not the destination. After all, a little adversity is going to kill you.

I know that we plan on letting our kids have that crappy job, the embarrassing car that has a name, and a stereotypical college house/apartment. It builds resilience and character. When things aren’t handed to you and you occasionally have to “embrace the suck,” it allows you to put your current situation into perspective. You’ll eventually get past this hurdle, but until then, try to soak everything in. Remember every detail of what’s going on. It will only make the story that much better when you relive/retell it in the future. Until then, try to enjoy the ride.