We can’t make somebody do you anything. We can try to persuade them or influence them. We can try to use logic and appeal to their emotions. Studies show that people respond most to fear, but there are always the outliers who will respond better to the idea of pleasure.
The bottom line is that it’s not up to us. We don’t have to make someone say something, do some thing, or believe something. The only thing we can focus on is giving advice if they want it, speaking our opinion when the time is right, and hoping that the outcomes turn out the best for that individual.
“It’s hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it’s damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.” – Bill Murray
When you’re in an argument or when you disagree with someone (especially about their opinion or in “gray” matters), how often do you ever actually say something that gets them to change their minds? It’s hard enough to convince them that you’re right using logic and facts, but when you are debating over something that doesn’t have a factually correct/incorrect answer yet and is based on speculation, you most likely aren’t going to “win” that argument.
This is why people say to not talk about sex, politics, religion, or money. Those topics are too emotionally charged. And what is right for one person may not be right for you. How they view the subject will likely be different than you, and discussing it leaves you open to having huge disagreements and arguments over something in which you won’t change their mind.
That being said, if you do get caught up in a debate, don’t take it personally. They believe what they believe and you believe what you believe. Don’t take offense to their opinion, which more often than not, have no bearing on your life. Why would you choose to get worked up over something that doesn’t actually affect you?
You can’t make anyone do something they don’t want to do. Or, if you do get them to do it and they didn’t want to do it in the first place (if they didn’t think they needed to do it/didn’t see value in doing it), they won’t benefit from it the way you think they will. If they are not open to it and they’re not mentally ready to make the change, you’ll both end up wasting time and getting frustrated with each other.
We can influence another person’s actions, but we can’t control their actions. Despite the fact that we may truly believe it will help that person, they have to be the ones who want to do the activity, to make the change, and to benefit from the action. If they don’t want it, it won’t work.
Try to appeal to their emotions first. Why should they want to do what you’re asking them to do? What are the benefits to them? What’s most important to them and how will it improve that? Once you’ve got their attention and they have bought in, then you can reason with them logically. Don’t forget this part (logic) either. Emotions come and go. Logic will stick with them and help them understand why it’s important, but logic does not create the “want” of doing the action.
