Tag: mental health

Your happiness starts with YOU

To be happy together, you first have to be able to be happy alone.
“To be happy together, you first have to be able to be happy alone.” – Mark Manson

You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy – it has to start with you. If you don’t like yourself, how you look, how you act, what you do, or how you do it, how can you expect someone to else to make you feel happy?

It starts with you. You have to like yourself – to be able to enjoy being by yourself and not always needing someone else to be around to distract or entertain you. Once you do that, you can have lasting happiness with someone else. Otherwise, they can make you forget for a moment, but they can’t make you happy “forever.”

Don’t base your happiness on being with someone else. You need to have a base level of happiness with yourself, then you can add others in the mix (like your spouse/significant other, family, friends, co-workers, etc) to amplify it.

Finding Happiness

When it comes down to it, I believe our ultimate goal should be to be happy. That should be the “why” behind all of our actions. But we need to break this down further to truly understand it. We should not confuse short-term happiness for long-term happiness, or vice versa. For many people, their short-term happiness hinges on doing something that feels pleasurable at the time, but comes at the expense of their long-term happiness.

For example, going on a spending spree occasionally is fine, but doing that everyday will make you go broke in the long run and you’ll have to delay retirement.

Eating pizza or doughnuts is really enjoyable at the time, but do it everyday and you’ll likely be working your way towards all sorts of health problems.

Taking a day off from working out or reading to let your body and mind recharge is great, but to never work out or read puts your body and mind in a deficit over time.

You need to find the balance between short-term happiness and long-term happiness. The easiest way to do this is to find enjoyment in the process of everything you do. If you can find as much overlap as possible where what you want to do in the short-term is actually benefitting you kn the long-term, that’s when you’ll really feel supercharged instead of like you’re always sacrificing happiness now for happiness in the future (or vice versa).

So, what helps to shape our happiness? Usually, it is some combination of striving to be our best selves (mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and financially), of feeling a sense of accomplishment by doing something difficult, of contribution (helping others/volunteering/giving back), and of gratitude (being thankful for what we have and not comparing ourselves to others). Find ways to intentionally incorporate actions that push you towards this and you’ll find happiness much more often.

What does it mean to be successful?

Who is the first person you think of when you hear the word “successful?” I guess it should be based on what you definition of success is. Does it mean they are a prominent businessman/woman? That they make a lot of money? That they’re famous? Or they seem to have it all?

But take a deeper look – not at the person who you think is successful. We’re not here to pick apart their lives/imperfections. Instead, take a deeper look as to what success means to you and why you define it that way. Oftentimes we are only looking at one of life’s domains (usually our vocation or financial success) and are blind to the other domains (do we have deep/meaningful relationships, how is our family life, are we physically healthy, intellectually healthy, or spiritually healthy?)…

Don’t think that because someone is famous that they are successful. Success, at least to me, should be defined by the whole package. Who cares if you’re making $200,000+ per year if you’re in poor health, if you have a broken marriage, if you never get to see/truly know your kids, if you’ve lost/damaged friendships, or if you’re morally corrupt.

Success is winning in every area of life. Success is being happy with what you have, but still striving to do better (for yourself and others). Success is focusing on the process, not the result – on enjoying the journey, and not only worrying about getting to the destination. Everyone has their own definition of success. We all value certain aspects of life differently (and our priorities will change), so don’t judge others for trying to achieve success in their own way. Just focus on creating your best, most successful life and let them do the same.

Being present

Enjoy your time in the present. You can’t change the past and if you dwell too much on it, you can fill your head with regret (from negative memories) or longing (from nostalgic memories). But regardless of what you’re thinking about, if you spend too much time on it, you’re not making new memories. Be present so you can strengthen your current relationships and create new, meaningful memories.

Just as you can’t change the past, you also cannot control the future. There are so many variables outside of what you can influence. Focusing too much on outside factors or on things that might happen can cause you to feel a lot of anxiety.

Once again, the key is to return to the present. You can only control the thoughts you tell yourself and actions you take today. And no matter how smart we think we are, nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. Not only that, but we are not guaranteed to be here tomorrow. That’s why you have to balance your actions to maximize living your best life – setting up your future self to succeed, but also enjoying your life today.

Be present. Put things in perspective. It’s important to enjoy life today, to spend time with loved ones, to have regular conversations with friends, and to play a little each day. Life is good as long as you don’t let it overwhelm you.