mindset | The Caleb Barney Collection

On humility and hubris

Be humble and never think that you are better than anyone else.

It’s easy to think that you’re always right. You can justify why you thought what you thought, why you said what you said, or why you did what you did. You forgive yourself for the times you were wrong. You have excuses (or make excuses) to pardon yourself.

But what happens when other people make mistakes or if they’ve wronged you? Are you so quick to forgive them? Do you make rash judgments on their actions, even though you don’t comprehend their circumstances?

There are two quotes – both by very respected men – thathelp me be more humble when I’m put in these positions.

The first is from Abraham Lincoln. Supposedly, someone was speaking poorly of the southerners during the Civil War, to which Lincoln replied, “Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

The other quote is from Ralph Waldo Emerson. He said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

Both of these quotes remind me to have humility. When I’m “up on my high horse,” I need a reminder of this sometimes. The person who has wronged me usually is not doing it consciously and maliciously, but they’re just reacting. Would I have responded in the same way if I were in their shoes?

If I can remember that I can be taught something by anybody, then I should know that, at least in that subject, they have superior knowledge than I do.

I may have certain beliefs, but who’s to say those are right or wrong? I may change beliefs 10 years, 10 months, 10 days, or 10 minutes from now. The goal should NOT be to prove that I am right, but just like having a hypothesis in science, it should be to test the hypothesis to see if it stands up against many challenges. I should be challenging my thinking and constantly be trying to prove it wrong. The more times it holds up, the closer I am to being correct. But because there are infinite opportunities to try to prove it wrong (and I can only test so many), I should be careful to claim that “this is the only way” and that I’m right. When people claim their way is the only way, when they slam other people’s ideas or don’t even entertain the ideas outside of mainstream thinking, their hubris begins to show.

Is it the world or is it how you view the world?

“The world’s apparent chaos is only a reflection of our own inner turmoil.” – Michael Gerber

The problem isn’t the world. It’s us. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Are you going to react poorly? Are you going to let your emotions get the best of you? Control yourself. Control your responses. If you can’t do that, you are just a grown up, older child. Be mature and don’t act on impulse.

Will you choose to be comfortable or to grow?

“Comfort makes cowards of us all.” Michael Gerber in “The E-Myth Revisited”

How true this is. We use comfort as a crutch. We don’t like being uncomfortable and, as a result, try to get back to that comfortable place. But staying in your comfort zone leads to mediocrity. Staying in your comfort zone leads to complacency. It keeps you hidden from the world. Stay hidden, keep your opinions to yourself, and you might as well consider yourself invisible. That’s fine if you want average. It all starts with a mindset though. Embrace discomfort and you will be on the path to self-improvement.

Contentment and ambition

Be content with what you have, but always strive to be better. Put in the effort, but don’t be too hard on yourself if the outcome isn’t what you expected. Go with the flow. “Be water” and you will be much happier.

If you aren’t willing to work for it, don’t complain about not having it.

This is a simple, but true statement:

“If you aren’t willing to work for it, don’t complain about not having it.”

The truth is, many of the things we desire most in life won’t come easy. If you want the best marriage, an extremely successful career, lots of money to save/invest or to spend on things you want, amazing health, etc., you’re going to have to work for it. It doesn’t just naturally happen, especially when it is in our programming to embrace being comfortable.

Society has contributed to making our lives as comfortable as possible. It’s kind of a double-edged sword. It’s nice that society has made much of life easy and convenient, but oftentimes, what is easy and convenient is not what’s best for our long-term goals. There are too many exciting things vying for our attention and making us lose focus on what’s important, too many delicious treats/junk food to add to our expanding waistlines, and the affordability of those items seems relatively low. But that’s part of the genius of any good company’s marketing plan…Because, on a case-by-case basis, most of it IS inexpensive. But when these actions are compounded daily – when it becomes the norm to go on a shopping spree instead of saving money, to binge on a Netflix show instead of working out, to going on social media instead of reading a book, or to eat fast food instead of making a healthy meal – that’s when it really costs us a lot.

Our goal should be to get better every day. Whether that’s 10% better, 1% better, or 0.1% better…if we can improve ourselves everyday, we will look back 20 years from now and be amazed at all we have achieved. The key here is to start with your next decision. It can seem overwhelming if you have to make the right decisions all day. But if you just do what you feel is right for your next one, and build momentum from there, you’ll be alright.

Remember that we have choice in everything we do and there are consequences to those choices. Do we want a positive result or a negative one from the decisions we make? Is the short-term pleasure going to outweigh the long-term effects of it? Many of us subconsciously complain about lacking what we desire – a lean body, a big bank account, a perfect marriage – but we don’t put in the effort that it takes to achieve those things. The way I see it, you have two options…Option one is to change your habits and to work hard for what you want. Option two is to stop complaining. You didn’t want the result badly enough to act on it, so stop complaining. Nobody wants to hear you complain anyways – at least not those who have already achieved what you want to achieve.