mindset | The Caleb Barney Collection

Courage to look within

Have the courage to face your weaknesses. Where are you lagging behind? What faults do you have? What mistakes do you repeatedly make? How can you improve in these areas?

Have the courage to admit you were wrong. It will be hard to look in the mirror instead of pointing out the faults of others. Or to admit your mistakes without caveats or giving excuses…just own them. Don’t say, “I only did this because…” or “I wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t do this.” That’s not admitting your mistake, not really.

Focus on your actions and how you can improve the situation, not on what you did right and what the other person did wrong. Don’t go in with the idea of having an “unwritten and unspoken agreement” (something in your head only) that when you apologize for X, the other will/should apologize for Y. That’s not how it works. Be sorry when you’re sorry. If you only use the words but don’t actually mean it, others will eventually see through it.

False narratives

“The way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.” – John Green

Sometimes, when we have incomplete information, or when we don’t really know a person, we tell ourselves that they did something maliciously towards us because they’re mean, miserable, etc. And while there may be some truth to that story, the real truth is we don’t know why they did what they did or why they said what they said. Maybe they were hangry or they just got bad news about their kids, parents, or friends. Maybe they’re going through a divorce or they’re stressed from work. Maybe they thought they were just teasing you and didn’t know you took it the wrong way.

I’d like to think that most people, at least in their own eyes, are good. We may misunderstand them or have different values, but that doesn’t make the other person bad. Your boss or co-worker you can’t stand? They are someone’s mom/dad, husband/wife, child, friend, etc. They want to be happy and feel like they’re contributing to others’ happiness too. Maybe they’re stuck in a rut or you caught them at a bad time, or maybe you were jut too sensitive at that moment.

At the very worst, think of the situation through the lens of Hanlon’s razor. It says, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” In other words, sometimes bad things happen not because of people are purposely trying to hurt you, but because they did not think through their actions (and the consequences) properly. People *usually* aren’t out to get you.

Building Resilience

Work on being resilient in all situations. No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you can and will overcome it. When you fall down, you can choose to stay down and wallow in sorrow, or you can choose to get back up. Be a riser. Others can’t keep you down, only you get to make that choice.

Don’t overdramatize things. Something didn’t go your way…What is complaining going to do? Nothing. Learn from your mistakes. And if you feel you did everything “right” but it still didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you need to make a bad decision next time because the good decision didn’t pay off this time/last time.

To experience success, you must experience failure

“Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.” – Arianna Huffington

Success is something we all crave. Failure is something we try to avoid like the plague. But to experience the most success possible, you must also endure many failures along the way.

Success is not about never failing. It’s not about never having a hard time. It’s not about making everything look easy/effortless.

Everyone who has done anything great or meaningful in their lives has had to overcome hardships. But here’s the thing, the people who toil in misery? They have faced those hardships as well, but instead of rising after they have fallen, they stay down. Don’t stay down…get up after you fail. Dust yourself off. Adapt and overcome. Eventually, you will turn your failures into success as well.

Welcoming disagreements

“One of the most difficult lessons many leaders learn (or fail to learn) is the necessity to welcome and tolerate disagreement.”

There are two ends of the agreement spectrum that we should try to avoid…

The first is to be 💯% agreeable on everything, aka a “yes man.” This is conflict avoidance at its worst.

The other end of the spectrum is to always shut others’ ideas down right away because they don’t align with your thoughts. Nobody can tell you anything if it doesn’t support your opinion. This is someone who craves confrontation and seeks it out.

I’m working on improving in this area (on both ends of the spectrum) – trying to learn the best ways to tactfully disagree. You should have original thoughts and feel comfortable voicing your opinion. But there are things that matter more and things that matter less which should/shouldn’t be argued about or debated. You don’t have to “win” every argument, and by always “needing” to be right, you will eventually discourage others from voicing their opinions around you.