mindset | The Caleb Barney Collection

Goals, a vivid vision, and living proactively

Focus on living proactively instead of reactively.

What are you doing today to set your future self up for success? Are you going into each day by looking at what you need to get done for the day? Prioritize what has to get done for the day in order to hit your weekly, monthly, quarterly, or yearly goals.

If you’re not planning each day intentionally, you end up reacting to the day’s events. You’re very busy, but you’re not very productive. You feel like a chicken running around with its head chopped off or like you’re running around, putting out fires all day. You end the day exhausted, but not feeling like you moved the needle towards your long-term goals.

Set time aside to figure out what you want your life to look like next year, in three years from now, and in ten years from now. Do you have a vision of how great your life will be?

You need to have direction in your life. How can you get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going? Have a roadmap with your destination showing and the route planned out (hitting milestones along the way).

Dealing with rejection

Treat everyone nicely, even when they reject you. You never know when your gracious response may help you in the future.

If you act poorly or inappropriately, people will remember that. It may feel good to “tell them off” in the moment, but it builds ill will towards your future self.

On the other end of the spectrum, if you act kindly and with grace, they may think to help you in the future. They might be rejecting your idea right now because they don’t agree with it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Don’t take rejection personally. Instead, thank them for their time and try to get feedback from them as to why they said no. Now, you can use that feedback to improve your idea (or the communication of your idea) in the present, or gain a better understanding on how to present to that person in the future (what do they value?).

Speak up for things you care about, but let the rest go

Don’t get pulled into arguments or debates over things that don’t matter to you. Be prepared to lose some battles by biting your tongue when needed or by compromising on things you don’t feel strongly about so that you can “win” the things you do care about. If you nitpick every little thing, always trying to win every argument, your words will carry less weight when you actually need to “win” an argument about something you care deeply about.

If it doesn’t matter to you, or if you don’t have a strong opinion about something, don’t get worked up and bent out of shape when discussing it. Ask yourself how whatever it is you’re talking about actually affects you and your loved ones. If it doesn’t have any major repercussions, let the other person do what they want without you trying to force your advice on them.

On care

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt

You can be very knowledgeable and “have the answers” that others are looking for, but until they know how much you care – how passionate you are about that topic, how interested you are in their well-being, how much you understand what it means to them – that’s when you win them over.

Just like in most things in life, it’s not about you. People’s first thoughts tend to default to thoughts about themselves. You can say it’s selfish, but it’s true. That’s why people tell you to be interested in others, to listen twice as much as you talk, to ask questions about them, to use the other person’s name in conversation…they want to know (or at least think) you care about them. If they believe that, you will earn their trust and then they will be more receptive to your “knowledge.”

Tolerant with others. Strict with yourself.

You know what you should do, so go do it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like it. If it’s the right thing to do and it needs to be done, don’t waste anymore time procrastinating. It may be easier to skip that workout, to eat fast food, to go on a spending spree, or to not speak up against injustice, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to not do what you feel is right. Or, maybe you do what is needed, but you only do the bare minimum. Be careful of this. How you do anything is how you do everything. If you start looking for shortcuts, eventually that will be your default behavior.

That being said, that’s what YOU should do. That doesn’t mean that you should hold others to the same standards. Don’t mistake this for letting them off the hook and letting them get away with things that are dangerous, amoral, or illegal. They shouldn’t take advantage of people and still need to be called out (or stopped) when they’re doing something egregious. But for the little things that don’t really matter? Skip the criticism.

Others may do things differently than you – in a way that appears to be less effective and less efficient – but at least they’re doing it. If they ask for advice or for help, then offer it. But don’t do it before then. And don’t judge them for not doing something like you would. After all, those are your standards, not theirs. Be tolerant of their decisions, but strict with your own. If you feel your way of doing things is the “best way” to currently do them, don’t lower your standards just to make things easier for yourself.