mindset

Using adversity as a positive

Adversity isn’t a stumbling block…it’s a stepping stone to success. Don’t let tough times get you down. Instead, use them to learn and take you to where you want to be!

It’s been said that there is no growth without discomfort. And there’s no doubt that facing adversity can be very uncomfortable. But if you realize that and make the most of any situation (good or bad), you will grow from it. You will always have that experience to remember what to do or what not to do, and the ramifications of your actions or inactions.

Attitude

If you go into your day with a negative attitude, you’ll focus only on the negatives and the day will seem to take an eternity. People won’t enjoy talking with you and eventually will stop interacting with you if they don’t have to. But if you go into your day with a positive attitude, you are much more likely to have fun whatever you’re doing, the day will go quicker, and people will enjoy being around you. As a result, they’ll try to help you whenever they can because they want to see you succeed.

How do you improve your attitude? Start by smiling more. Smiling can instantly improve your mood (they even tell you to smile when you’re on the phone because it will lead to better results).

Next, stop taking yourself so seriously. Joke with others. Be able to laugh at yourself if you do something embarrassing. Choose to be happy with whatever you’re doing, including work. If you’re going to do something 40+ hours per week, would you rather enjoy your time there or hate it/count down the time until you get to leave? Just because you’re working on an important project doesn’t mean you can’t have fun doing it. In fact, you’ll probably do a better job and feel more life satisfaction if you’re having fun at work.

Keep everything in perspective. Most events are trivial over the span of our lifetimes. Don’t blow things out of proportion and make them bigger than they really are. So often it seems that we take the good things for granted and we over exaggerate the bad things. Stop doing that. Keep it in perspective.

Be generous and remember your manners. Performing random acts of kindness will make you feel better. Do something generous (whether it’s paying someone a compliment or paying for someone’s meal) and don’t expect anything in return. Also, say please and thank you frequently. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean that you should forget your manners.

Lastly, stop complaining. Anytime you catch yourself about to complain, try to reframe whatever negative thought you had and make it a positive one. For example, instead of saying, “It’s too hot outside,” say, “It’s so sunny today!” Both statements can be true, but if you focus on the positive statement, you’ll have a better attitude.

Work on having a growth mindset, where you’re open to the possibility of changing and growing your abilities. Just because you can’t do something right now doesn’t mean that you’ll never be able to do it. The only way that you know for sure that you won’t be able to do something is if you stop trying to improve yourself. The same can be said if you are already good at something. If you have a fixed mindset, you may think that you don’t have to try because you’ll always be good at that thing. But if you stop working at something because you feel your abilities are “fixed,” you will soon be surpassed by those who are working harder than you.

So how do you work on having a growth mindset? Understand that everyone has to start somewhere. Some people will naturally have more ability than others, but no matter where you start, you can always improve if you’re willing to make an effort. Realize that if you want to improve, you’re going to have to push the boundaries of your comfort and, as a result, you’ll fail often. Don’t be afraid of failure. Embrace it and use it as a stepping stone towards your eventual success. It can only truly be considered a failure if you quit afterwards. Otherwise it’s just more experience for you to learn from.

Protective parenting

Being a parent of young children, I finally understand why you have those overbearing, overprotective parents. As a parent, you never want to see your child hurting – whether physically or emotionally. But we have to accept that pain is part of life and we cannot (and should not) try to shield them from everything.

We want to protect our children, but the irony is that the best thing we can do is let them experience hardship. If you don’t let them experience any pain, they won’t be able to cope with facing more difficult circumstances.

One of the best feelings a person can have is overcoming adversity. Facing a stacked deck and still winning. Why would you want to take that away from them? There is no thrill in victory without the possibility of defeat. If you know that you can’t lose, what’s the point of playing the game? It becomes boring. The same goes for your children…

If you have children, let them struggle. Part of experiencing the highs in life is also knowing about the lows. Don’t jump in to try to save them from being able to know and understand both. Helping them right now can actually be hurting them in the future. But it’s important to start small and to start young. The more quickly they are able to stumble and fall, yet get back up, the better off they’ll be in the long run.

Success, money, and fame

“I’d rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.” – Sophocles

Don’t trade your integrity for fame, money, or “success.” Those things come and go, but you’ll always have to live with your decisions. Outward success does not mean you’ll feel inward contentment. It may take longer, but if you live in a way where your actions align with your values, you’ll end up happier without sacrificing your honor or time with loved ones. And, to me, that is a truer measure of success than only counting fame or money.