Tag: parenting

Progress, not perfection

If you won’t remember this specific event in a week (let alone in a year or at the end of your life), then stop worrying so much about it. It’s not a big deal. Don’t blow things out of proportion.

So what if you got a B (or C, D, or F) on an assignment? Does that mean that you’ll never succeed in life?

So what that you didn’t get 8 hours of sleep? Does that mean you’re going to be a zombie the next day?

So what if your kids have some chocolate or didn’t eat the most perfectly grown, organic/non-GMO food today? Does that mean that they won’t grow and their health is now in jeopardy?

The point is, we are more resilient than most people think and so are our kids (if we let them). Don’t think that everything has to be perfect, because it won’t be – and you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to make it perfect. Go with the flow. Be nice. Treat others well. Do your best everyday. But be kind to yourself. Understand that the goal should be progress, not perfection.

Finding your rich life

What is your rich life? Rich doesn’t necessarily mean having a lot of money. It’s having enough money while being happy most days. Do you enjoy what you do every day (or most days)? Do you get to spend time with loved ones? Do you get to play? Find out how you can get to do something that you like doing every day, where it feels “light” to do it.

Why shouldn’t work be fun? I love the quote, “I take the work that I do seriously, but I don’t take myself seriously at all.” You should care about the work that you do. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun doing it though. You should not take yourself so seriously though. If you fail or mess up, that’s fine. You should want your kids to see you fail from time to time just so they know that it happens and it’s not the end of the world. But you should also want them to see you rise up and overcome those failures. You cant be kept down unless you chose to not get back up. Nothing can stop you except yourself.

Controlling your responses to negative stressors

Everyone feels the same emotions…fear, insecurity, heartache, hunger, tiredness, anger, joy. What separates our role models and heroes from those who we do not look up to is how they respond to those emotions.

If you want to be the best version of yourself, take a look in the mirror. How do you respond under stress? Do you take out your frustrations on others or treat them poorly? Would you want your kids to act like you do when you’re stressed?

If you want to be more like your role model(s) or to become a role model, the first step is to be aware of how you’ve seen others react under stress. Are there people you would like to emulate?

After you’ve seen the responses of others and determined which actions you deem commendable, the next step is to be aware of how you currently react under stress. What behaviors, actions, or words do you say/do that you’re proud of and what do you want to stop doing?

After taking note of what you already do, start monitoring how you’re doing from this point forward. Be strict, but forgiving with yourself. You want to start taking the right actions right now. But if/when you mess up, own your mistakes/actions, apologize if necessary, and move forward.

Cut yourself some slack, especially in the beginning, because it takes a while to form a new habit (of responding appropriately to any/every situation). But remember, if we want to be the best version of ourselves, if we want to be a role model to our kids, if we want to make others around us feel better about themselves, and if we want the world to be a nicer place, it all starts with us. We can’t control what other people think, say, or do, but we can control ourselves. It just takes practice.

Rules of being a good parent

Every parent wants what is best for their kids. These “rules” are something quick I thought about for my 3-year old and 1-year old. The rules will grow and modify as they get older (such as teaching them to be respectful, responsible, and have good work ethic, talking about philosophy, etc). But for now, with my limited experience as a parent, I feel these are a good start for any new parent. Read below and let me know your thoughts in the comments section!

Rules of being a good parent:

1. Be interested in them and give them your attention…When you’re with them, be PRESENT. Don’t be on your phone or watching tv. Don’t think about work. Ask them questions and actively listen to them.

2. Don’t be afraid to say no…kids shouldn’t feel entitled to anything. When you said no, stick to your word. Don’t give in because they’re throwing a tantrum. It’s always going to be easier to give them what they want, but is that helping them in the long run?

3. Teach them that actions have consequences – whether those are good or bad consequences depends on the action.

4. Support their interests. You may not like whatever they happen to be into at the moment, but if it’s not hurting them, support them. Be interested in what they’re interested in, even if you have to fake it. Let them be themselves and explore things on their own without you influencing them to like/dislike something. They should figure that out on their own.

5. Tell them you love them. They should know how much they mean to you and they should feel loved and supported. Tell them you love them and that you’re proud of them everyday.

Changing your perspective like this will change your life

“Nothing is perfect in life. Trying to make things perfect is the foolish mistake. It’s about trying to manage things as they are and as they come.” – Paraphrased from Andrew Santino on The Joe Rogan Experience (podcast).

There is no such thing as perfect, so don’t drive yourself crazy trying to have a “perfect” life. Life is amazing because of its imperfections. When the kids are acting up, when the dishes aren’t done, when the house is a mess and the toys aren’t put away…that’s part of the trade off of having kids. But I wouldn’t change any part about it.

Yes, we should focus on teaching them to pick up after themselves, to treat themselves and others with respect, to not throw tantrums, and to help with chores around the house, but if we only focus on what’s “wrong,” we overlook so much of what is right.

We are fortunate to have kids – so many people can’t. We are fortunate that we’re healthy – so many people aren’t. We are fortunate to call a place home – so many people are homeless. We are fortunate to have a job – so many people are jobless.

If we focus on what we don’t have, we’ll lose what’s right in front of us. And no matter how much we have, it will never seem like it’s enough. But if we focus on what we do have, we won’t even notice what we’re “missing.”