Your guide to a healthier perspective of life
“In your anger do not sin.” – Ephesians 4:26.
Don’t act when you’re angry, as you are far more likely to do something you will regret. If you say something or do something, guess what? You can’t take it back. Don’t potentially ruin a relationship, a career, or a life by acting out of anger. Control yourself. Understand your emotions. Come back and address it once you’ve had time to calm down and think about it in a reasonable way.
You get what you look for in life. If you’re grouchy or mad or sad and you just want to be in a bad mood, you can find ways to reinforce those negative thoughts. But if you are positive and “happy go lucky,” if you are always looking for the silver lining, you’ll find that too. Your attitude shapes your perception of the world.
Change your attitude for the better and you’ll change your life for the better.
Learn to listen. You can’t listen if you’re talking at the same time as the person who you’re supposedly conversing with. You can’t listen if you’re only thinking about what you’re going to say next. For conversation to be meaningful, you need to talk and listen.
Dr. Gary Chapman (author of The 5 Love Languages) writes that “Listening begins with attitude. If I choose to believe every person I encounter has inherent dignity and value, meaning their thoughts and feelings are important, then I am prepared to listen. If I think the world revolves around me, that my ideas are all that counts, then why should I listen to anyone else? Many people don’t have a communication problem; they have an attitude problem.”
We can all work on improving our attitude! Part of having a good attitude includes being generous (not just with money, but also your time), being optimistic (yet realistic), and loving/caring for others.
It’s easy to think that you’re always right. You can justify why you thought what you thought, why you said what you said, or why you did what you did. You forgive yourself for the times you were wrong. You have excuses (or make excuses) to pardon yourself.
But what happens when other people make mistakes or if they’ve wronged you? Are you so quick to forgive them? Do you make rash judgments on their actions, even though you don’t comprehend their circumstances?
There are two quotes – both by very respected men – thathelp me be more humble when I’m put in these positions.
The first is from Abraham Lincoln. Supposedly, someone was speaking poorly of the southerners during the Civil War, to which Lincoln replied, “Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
The other quote is from Ralph Waldo Emerson. He said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
Both of these quotes remind me to have humility. When I’m “up on my high horse,” I need a reminder of this sometimes. The person who has wronged me usually is not doing it consciously and maliciously, but they’re just reacting. Would I have responded in the same way if I were in their shoes?
If I can remember that I can be taught something by anybody, then I should know that, at least in that subject, they have superior knowledge than I do.
I may have certain beliefs, but who’s to say those are right or wrong? I may change beliefs 10 years, 10 months, 10 days, or 10 minutes from now. The goal should NOT be to prove that I am right, but just like having a hypothesis in science, it should be to test the hypothesis to see if it stands up against many challenges. I should be challenging my thinking and constantly be trying to prove it wrong. The more times it holds up, the closer I am to being correct. But because there are infinite opportunities to try to prove it wrong (and I can only test so many), I should be careful to claim that “this is the only way” and that I’m right. When people claim their way is the only way, when they slam other people’s ideas or don’t even entertain the ideas outside of mainstream thinking, their hubris begins to show.
Be content with what you have, but always strive to be better. Put in the effort, but don’t be too hard on yourself if the outcome isn’t what you expected. Go with the flow. “Be water” and you will be much happier.