Tag: philosophy

Giving out of love versus giving out of expectation

Don’t be a fake giver (giving only because you’re expecting to get something in return). You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you’re keeping score for a game which the other person doesn’t know you’re playing.

If you think to yourself, “I did a, b, and c for this person, so they should give me x, y, or z when I ask in the future,” you’re asking for disappointment. Hopefully that person help you out in whatever way they can because you’re a good friend and they’re a good friend, but expecting reciprocity (especially when you do something for them now, but want them to remember your actions far in the future) is going to lead to frustration from both people.

Be caring. Be nice. Find ways to help. But if you can’t do something, or if it stretches you too thin, don’t feel obligated to do so. It’s ok to say no – and you don’t have to give them a reason why either. If you want to explain to someone why you can’t do something for them, at least they’ll have a better understanding of why you can’t. But they’re not entitled to know (just like you’re not entitled to knowing why they might say no to you in the future).

Give without keeping score. It will save you frustration in the long run because the other person doesn’t know they’re part of an unspoken transaction (which only took place in your mind).

Be so good they can’t ignore you (and prepare for haters along the way)

Haters are a good problem to have. Nobody hates the good ones. They hate the great ones.
“Haters are a good problem to have. Nobody hates the good ones. They hate the great ones.” – Kobe Bryant

Be so good that they can’t ignore you. And know that along the way, you will have detractors. You’ll have people making negative comments or disparaging remarks to try to bring you down to their level. Ignore the critics. Pay no attention to the haters. They are obstacles in your way to greatness.

If you dream big and act on your dreams, people will inevitably say things to you to make you question your decisions.

“Why do you work so hard?”

“I would never want to _____.”

“That sounds miserable.”

Don’t worry about what they say. Live your life and let them worry about living theirs. You’re striving for greatness, not mediocrity. As Tywin Lannister says in Game of Thrones, “A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep.”

What to do when you’re feeling sad

When you feel sad, go do something. Do something that usually makes you happy. Take your mind off of whatever is bothering you, not to completely distract you from pain, but to let you come back to it later with a different perspective. Go work out, hang out with friends, watch a movie, read, be productive… Movement is key. Don’t sit and wallow in your sorrow. You’re likely not going to come up with a solution to your problem if you only focus on the bad and feel sorry for yourself.

Smile. Laugh. Move. It’s hard to be sad and laugh at the same time. When your body feels good (like during/after a workout), it can trick your mind into feeling good. Get going and you will begin to feel better. And realize, all things pass with time. The sadness you’re currently feeling will eventually go away on its own, but it will go away even quicker if you help the process.

Do you have a warrior’s mindset?

Do you have a Warrior’s mindset? When things get tough, will you fight or will you lay down? Can you adapt and overcome? Will you persist through failure, getting up after you’ve been knocked down?

Make no excuses. Do not complain. Embrace the “suck.”

Things will get better if you consistently take the right actions – making logical “bets” with asymmetric risk/rewards (that is, finding actions that do not carry much risk, but have outsized rewards). The more you string together good days the more success you set yourself up for. It’s like a flywheel…at first it can be hard to get started, but once you get momentum going, it’s hard to stop. Work hard to build momentum and then it’s much easier to keep it going.

Go with the flow. Be flexible.

You have to be flexible in life. If you’re too rigid, you’re more likely to break. If you’re pliable, you can bend without breaking. The wind can push you over, but it won’t break you. If you’re too stiff and can’t go with the flow, you’ll snap in half during the storm.

Practice going with the flow. This can be tough if you’re a planner and want things to go a certain way. But you have to realize that there are many things outside of our control. And if we don’t leave right on time, if we’re not eating the “perfect meal,” or getting exactly the right amount of sleep, it’s ok. Everything will be ok. We will survive. Our children will survive. One bad day or bad week isn’t going to ruin our health.

Go with the flow before you stress yourself out (and those around you) too much. Because if you’re too rigid, life will feel much harder than it needs to.