positivity | The Caleb Barney Collection

Praise the effort

We tend to simplify things in our heads, wanting to take whatever is the easiest route. We do this in many things, including looking at results. But what should be focused on instead is the effort the individual is giving to get the results.

There are two problems when only focusing on the end result…

First, if we only focus on the end result, maybe we aren’t challenging ourselves enough. For example, I should almost always win when facing an elementary student in basketball – and I’m not even good at basketball. But when you lower your standards just so you can win, it defeats the purpose of playing the game. At that point, why measure anything at all?

Second, when we focus on results only, we remove the element of luck from our environment. Annie Duke talks about this in her book Thinking in Bets. I can play a hand of poker perfectly according to the probability of what gives me the best chance at success and still lose the hand. Or, vice versa, I can play a hand incorrectly and still win. But if we’re only looking at the result, that may alter our way of thinking and cause us to play according to our emotions instead of what is mathematically the most likely way to win. It’s important to remember that we can only control our actions, not the actions of others, our environment, or “luck.”

So instead of focusing on results, the real question should be: “What did you do to maximize your potential?” It’s ok to ask our children if they won the game, got an A on the test, etc., but make sure we don’t praise the result. We need to focus all of our attention/praise on their efforts. What work did they put in to achieve those results? Did they try their best? (And remember, more is not always better. So if they were “studying” all night before a test and didn’t do well, maybe it would be better to have a shorter timeframe to study intensely and then get a good night of sleep.)

Courage

It can be very scary to ask that person out, to leave your job, to chase your dreams (or even to say them out loud). But without even attempting to do those things almost guarantees those things won’t happen. Sure, it might be more comfortable to do nothing. But without discomfort, you will never achieve your greatest goals.

My dad used to say that everyone experiences fear. They feel it too, whether they show it or not. You’re not alone. But it’s what you do with that fear that matters. Will you run from it? Or will you face it?

Don’t let fear stop you from living the life you’re meant to. Courage is the resistance to fear, not the absence of it. Be courageous. Stand up for what you believe in and take that next step towards living out your dreams.

“Get to” versus “have to”

You don’t “have to” do something. You “get to” do it. It is a privilege that you are able to take care of whatever task you are assigned with doing. There are many people out there less fortunate than you are. So your 3-month old is having trouble sleeping at night, crying, and keeping you awake? Well, you are blessed with the opportunity to console him/her. There are plenty of people in the world who desperately want children and, for whatever reason, are unable to have them. You had a fight with your parents? Some people have lost their parents prematurely.

Think about the big picture. Why stress over something so small like “having” to do something? Will this affect you next week? What about next year? Will you even remember this event in 10 years? Make the most of life. Enjoy it. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Random thoughts on mindset, boredom, taking action, and failure…

Embrace challenge. Work on mindset. Your situation becomes as good or as bad as you tell yourself. Manage your emotions/beliefs.

Be ok with boredom. Notice what you’re thinking of. Use this to your advantage. Be creative. Don’t have too much structure. Be flexible. “Be like water.”

Take action. Learning/acquiring new information is good, but doesn’t do much for you if you don’t act on what you learned.

Live to fight another day. Don’t give up. Be persistent. Things may not have gone your way this time, but if you keep chipping away at success (steadily/consistently), you will get there.

“Failure” is final. You don’t fail unless you quit. Use the experience from disappointment to learn from and gain in the future.

Management

If you are in a position to manage others, there are two major mistakes to avoid. The first is micromanaging. If you have capable people working for/with you, they have good ethics, they have produced results in the past, and they know what the near-term and long-term goals are for themselves and the company are, do not constantly be looking over their shoulder. Don’t step on their toes! Let them do what they know best. But it’s good to keep the lines of communication open. You should still have regular check-ins to see how they’re doing, if they need help/another opinion on how to do something, etc. When you micromanage, you take away not only their sense of autonomy, but you also remove accountability from them. After all, they are only following your orders when you tell them every single thing to do.

The opposite is also a problem though, which is to becomes so hands-off that those you are managing don’t think you know what’s going on. If you’re not present, don’t talk with them regularly, or aren’t in any meetings with them, when you go to make a suggestion they are much more likely to disregard your suggestions. You become an outsider at that point, not a team member, a leader, or a manager.

Aim to strike a healthy balance between the two forms of communication. Guide them, but let them be the heroes. Ask them questions so they can think of how to improve a situation. Monitor their results and be prepared to step in if you feel they will do something that may have catastrophic/irreversible results. But, ultimately, keep in mind that people will work hardest for you when they like what they do, when they’re engaged/interested, when there is mutual respect between themselves, their manager, and their co-workers, and when they feel you have their back.