positivity | The Caleb Barney Collection

Do you live by a code?

What is your default life code? If you could have a list to share with your children about how you want them to act, or how you should be acting for them to see, what would it be? Some of the things I want my kids to see from me are the following…

Always try your best, but have fun doing it.

Be respectful and kind.

Be humble in winning and in defeat. Act like you’ve been there before.

Hold yourself to high standards, but don’t judge others if they don’t do the same.

Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Be optimistic, but realistic.

Don’t worry, be happy. Life is good.

On competition and motivation

I hear people say all the time that you only should focus on “running your own race” and not worry about what anyone else is doing. I agree that you need to turn your attention inward to be happiest with your effort (and, if applied correctly, with your results).

BUT we’re human and most people thrive on competition among other similarly-skilled individuals. If you’re working out with someone or next to someone, you’re much more likely to push yourself a little more to keep up with or to beat that person.

Having intrinsic motivation will lead to better consistency (like getting out of bed and going to the gym when you don’t feel like it). External motivation will lead to better results (once you’ve gotten to the gym). So while you shouldn’t rely on always needing to have external motivation, it’s a nice way to enhance your results.

Leadership and development

“The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.” – Charles Schwab

If you want to bring out the best in people, you must work on how you communicate with them. Here are some quick tips:

Be firm, but fair.

Be gracious.

When they do something good, reinforce that behavior by praising them for their effort.

Show your appreciation for them and provide encouragement.

Help them develop a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset.

If they haven’t done something right, it’s a learning experience, not a failure.

They can get to where we need them to be with the right attitude, practice, and learning from their mistakes (and the mistakes of others).

Occasionally, you may need to push them a little. People like their comfort zone. But if they want to reach their full potential, they will need to go outside of it.

Hold them accountable. If they say they’re going to do something, check in with them to make sure they’re on track to complete it. If they need help, you can help them brainstorm, but don’t just give them the answer. If you do this then they will always bring their problems to you and not try to think of solutions on their own.

Leadership and making mistakes…

Give people permission to make mistakes and the obligation to learn from them.

We all make mistakes – always have and always will. Think back to a time when you were young and impressionable, when you were inexperienced at something…when you wade a mistake, did your teacher/mentor/parent berate you for making a mistake? If they did (and you consistently received this negative feedback), you may still carry some of that baggage with you today. You might be too scared to take any chances at all, for fear of “messing up.” But if you never try anything new because you might make a mistake, you’ll severely limit your growth. You are capable of so much, but you will often have to try and fail many things before building off of those experiences.

If you’re in a position of “power,” whether that’s being an employer, boss, manager, parent, mentor, role model, teacher, coach, etc., make sure you let those around you know that it’s ok to make mistakes! They shouldn’t be happy that they made a mistake and should always try to learn and grow from their mistakes, but despite their best intentions, sometimes they still will slip up. (We all do.)

Make sure you’re creating an environment that knows people have permission to make mistakes, but the obligation to learn from them.

A “don’t” list of traits…

I think a lot about the traits I admire most – integrity, work ethic, respect, and positivity are just a few. But recently, I thought of the traits that “trigger” me the most. Not surprisingly, they are mostly opposites of what I look for.

For example, if someone is not honest or if they only tell half truths to mislead/deceive people, I immediately feel that I can’t trust them. How do I know they won’t cover up the actual truth just to look good? Or that they won’t tell me something so they can gain/profit from it?

When I see lazy people (employed or not), I don’t want to associate with them. Whether they are lazy when it comes to their work habits, taking care of themselves, etc…I often find that it carries over into other parts of their lives too.

When I see people who are consistently rude, I don’t want to associate with them. Often times they say it’s sarcasm or that they’re telling it like it is, but I feel that’s just an excuse. There’s usually a better way to get your point across.

And when I see people who are always negative, often they’ll call them realists. But what you think, your life will become. It’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’re not even giving yourself a chance if you’re not optimistic/positive. A lot of people will think you’re crazy if you have high goals and high expectations. I think that maybe they just set the bar too low and settle for mediocrity.

What’s on your list of traits to avoid?