power

Courage/Bravery is better than Safety

Life is not safe.

Yes, it’s much safer today than it has ever been. We have clean water, easy access to food, shelter to keep us from being exposed to the elements, we don’t have to fight off packs of wolves or lions.

Life is safe, but why does it feel so dangerous sometimes? We can feel fear from being ostracized, from failing, from not having “enough”…

But I’m here to argue that we should not strive for maximum safety. Maximum safety would require us to never leave our house, because we might get into a car accident, we’ll be exposed to other people’s germs, what if there is a mass shooting where you’re going? There is a point of diminishing returns. We want safety, of course, but we need to live and have social interactions with others. Instead of wanting maximum safety, I’d rather optimize my courage or bravery. Because often times to be the safest, you relinquish so much control – so much of your power – to someone else. But if you are courageous and brave, that power is within you to face and overcome that which you fear.

We want to power not so we can abuse it, but to make sure that we are never taken advantage of. But there are different types of power. For example, being wealthy is powerful. If you are independently wealthy and not financially reliant on your W-2 income, if you feel like you are mistreated or if you just don’t like your job you can leave it for something else.

Other types of power include strength (physical and mental), intelligence, and influence.

If you physical strength or if you know how to defend yourself, you have power. People will think twice about messing with you before selecting an easier target.

If you have mental strength, you have power. Others will not be able to manipulate your emotions if you know how to keep them in check.

If you have intelligence, you have power. You will be able to detect when someone is lying or trying to mislead you. You can use your intuition and what you already have a base knowledge of to figure out if something makes sense.

If you have influence (such as a huge social media following, but even with your friends or family), you have power. Your words can affect how people think, what they say/do, how they vote, etc.

Once again, it’s not that we want this power to hold over someone else. It’s actually the complete opposite. We want to have the power so that others can’t exercise that power on us.

How are you increasing your power today?

Being the guide or going along for the ride

Understand when you’re supposed to be the guide/advisor and when you’re supposed to be someone going along for the ride.

If it’s the former, you need to take charge. Provide more input and make suggestions as the guide. You still don’t want to do everything for the other person (they want to be the hero of their own story), but with your help, they can get where they want to go.

If you’re just tagging along, read the situation and minimize your input. Here, the other person wants to be the primary decision-maker. Be there to support them and to listen to them, but don’t try to be the white knight and solve all of their problems. They want to feel listened to.

Power, choice, and feelings

Don’t let others’ words control how you feel or react.

I saw this quote on LinkedIn and decided that I wanted to talk about it a little more. I completely agree with this sentiment…

If you allow other people’s words or actions determine if you are happy, sad, mad, or anything in between, you’re in for a roller coaster of emotions in life. You can’t control what they say or do, and if you react to everything, you’re giving them the power to “make” you feel a certain way.

But the truth is, only you get to decide whether or not you feel happy or not. Keep that power for yourself – do not give it away to others who may or may not be thinking about how their actions might affect you physically or psychologically.

Practice what Viktor Frankl (Holocaust survivor, neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, and author) called SPR – Stimulus, Pause, Response. He said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Be free. Choose to be happy or choose to be mad. But make sure it is you who is making that choice, and not someone else choosing for you.

Choosing your attitude

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Franklin

Don’t play the victim in your life story. Things will always happen that are outside of your control, they won’t go according to how you’d like them to go, but you can always choose your response the what happens. You can always choose your attitude towards any set of circumstances.

Don’t give anybody else power over your feelings and attitude. Nobody can make you “feel” a certain way. Only you have that power…whether you relinquish that power to somebody else is up to you.