Enjoy your time in the present. You can’t change the past and if you dwell too much on it, you can fill your head with regret (from negative memories) or longing (from nostalgic memories). But regardless of what you’re thinking about, if you spend too much time on it, you’re not making new memories. Be present so you can strengthen your current relationships and create new, meaningful memories.
Just as you can’t change the past, you also cannot control the future. There are so many variables outside of what you can influence. Focusing too much on outside factors or on things that might happen can cause you to feel a lot of anxiety.
Once again, the key is to return to the present. You can only control the thoughts you tell yourself and actions you take today. And no matter how smart we think we are, nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. Not only that, but we are not guaranteed to be here tomorrow. That’s why you have to balance your actions to maximize living your best life – setting up your future self to succeed, but also enjoying your life today.
Be present. Put things in perspective. It’s important to enjoy life today, to spend time with loved ones, to have regular conversations with friends, and to play a little each day. Life is good as long as you don’t let it overwhelm you.
“The love of possessions is a disease in them.” – Sitting Bull
We all like nice things.
After all, they’re nice!
For example, when I go to show someone houses, they typically like the more expensive home when comparing it to other, less expensive homes we’ve seen together. And why shouldn’t they? There’s usually a reason why it’s more expensive – it’s bigger, more updated, maybe has more acreage, or is in a better location. I would prefer the more expensive (nicer) home as well.
But what we need to be careful of is to not get too emotional when buying a house (or anything else, for that matter). Eventually, you will turn it into a home. But you do that by making memories there with friends and family, or you do that by putting your personal touches in/around the home. Until then, it is just a house with the potential for you to make memories. The key is to NOT fall in love with possessions (or the thought of owning them) and to not let it take control over your rational thought.
The same can be said for any material item in life. We want the fancier car, the best new gadget, or the popular toy for our kids. But material items only bring us short-term happiness. Over time, our happiness fades away as we become used to that item, but what doesn’t fade away is our lust for that dopamine kick we get when buying/receiving something new. The things we buy end up owning us, because they own our emotions.
So how do we combat this without having to live like a monk? Shouldn’t we still get nice things if we can afford them? The answer is completely up to you. Not everyone wants to live the same lifestyle, nor should everyone live the same lifestyle. But if you want some simple tips, think about these four things before your next purchase…
1. If you can’t pay cash for it, you can’t afford it. With the exception of your house, if you can’t pay for something outright, you probably should hold off on that purchase. Then, when you can afford to pay for it, you’ll either still want it but recognize how many hours you had to work to get it (giving you more awareness of the actual cost of that item) OR you won’t want it anymore. Either option is fine, we just want to be intentional about our decision-making process.
2. Try to envision what buying this item will do for you. Is there a practical/functional purpose for this item that saves you time, energy, or (eventually) money? Will it make your life easier? Will it give you more time or less stress so you can be present with your loved ones? Will you still be happy with this purchase in a year or will you have forgotten all about it? Only purchase it if the benefits outweigh the costs of getting it.
3. If you buy one item, discard one item. It’s easier to do this one purchase at a time instead of ending up with a closet full of clothes you never wear. Living a minimalist lifestyle can be freeing. That way, if you need to pick up and leave really quickly, you can. If your house burns down in a fire or is destroyed by Mother Nature, you have only lost a few items. You’ll end up valuing the few items you have even more – giving you more enjoyment over those items. (It’s like the kid who has every toy under the sun…because he has so many toys, he probably wouldn’t even realize if one went missing. Each toy is devalued due to an oversupply of toys.)
4. Having less things helps to avoid the distractions of a technology-driven society. Would you enjoy watching more sunrises or looking up at the night sky? Does sitting around a campfire having deep conversations with friends interest you? How about having very loose/light/insignificant conversations with friends? (Those matter just as much.) Well, when you have a house full of stuff, you’re less likely to go out and enjoy the beautiful surroundings. You’re less likely to engage in those conversations with friends because you’re distracted. You’re on your phone, you’re watching tv, you’re playing a video game, etc. With less around you, it forces you to pay attention to the ones you’re with and gives you a long-lasting happiness with the relationships you build.
What does success mean to you? For the longest time, I thought it was being great at your job, making a lot of money, winning (even in competitions you didn’t realize you were/are in). But none of that matters without happiness. If you are able to do those three things, but you’re not happy or those who matter most to you aren’t happy, then what’s the point? Granted, in order to feel happy, you need to feel useful. But you can be useful by doing other things – by helping around the house, by making others feel good when they’re around you, by having a good balance of achieving goals but still relaxing with friends and family…not everything needs to be about hitting goals. If that’s your life, you’ll eventually discover that “winning” something only brings temporary happiness and it never loves you back. Take care of those around you, try to achieve balance in your life, and work at being happier each day. Because, if I have to choose money or happiness, I’d choose happiness.
“The most that I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.” – Henry David Thoreau
You have no obligations to do x, y, or z to be considered a good friend. And your friend, if they are truly your friend, should not place unrealistic expectations on you, make you fulfill certain requirements, or check certain boxes to be considered a friend. Work on being supportive, on checking in with them on occasion, and on being happy for them if they are happy or helping them when they need help. It’s that simple.
Gary Vaynerchuk’s illustration of the difference between being a “boss” and being a leader.
You can be a natural leader, where you inspire others to do their best and help the team reach its goals, without being in a leadership position. You can lead with quiet confidence or be outgoing. There are many styles of leadership, and some styles work better depending on the circumstances. For example, you can have a great wartime leader, but in times of peace, that person’s words or actions may not resonate with those whom they are leading. Or you can have a terrific peacetime leader, but when times get tough, their voices may be too soft to motivate others to believe in the cause.
Regardless of the type of leader you are (or you follow), the best leaders typically find ways to help you grow. They don’t do the work for you, but they help by asking you the right questions and letting you find your way.
Bosses, on the other hand, can be leaders or they can be tyrants. Bosses can still get things done over threat of power or anger, but they don’t win any loyalty from their subordinates. In fact, instead of people going above and beyond, they will often only do the bare minimum for a boss. Other than the intrinsically motivated optimist, why should anyone bust their butt for someone who is always the first to blame others when things go wrong, who takes credit when things go right, and who doesn’t treat their employees with respect?
If you are fortunate enough to be promoted, make sure you work to be the best leader you can be and don’t just be another “boss.”
