Tag: relationships

Making friends and winning disagreements

“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” – Abraham Lincoln

There are two ways you can defeat your enemies. The way most people think of defeating an enemy is by overpowering them and forcing them to either give up or acquiesce to your demands. But that is not the best way to destroy an enemy. Because by doing that, you will create bitterness and keep the enemy around, even if you are not actively battling them.

Instead, the better way to defeat an enemy now by making peace with them. By making them your friends, you no longer have an enemy and you can still achieve what you want. It is much easier to reason with a friend who knows and trusts you than an enemy who thinks you are laying a trap for them. Befriending an enemy is the best solution because it is not only good for the short term, but for the long term as well.

Next time you disagree with someone, ask yourself what is the best way to resolve your dispute? Is it to ridicule them or make their ideas or morals seem inferior to yours? Or is it to befriend them and gently win them over to your way of thinking? Isn’t it more likely for someone to dig in their heels and vehemently defend their opinion (even if it was only loosely held initially) when you attack that opinion – putting them on the defensive? Instead of doing this and putting their reputation and intelligence on the line (which, of course they will argue to defend), try to win them over softly. You’ll find this to be much more effective.

10 tips to happiness

10 tips to happiness:

1. Spend time by yourself in solitude (preferably outside). Get away from the noise, even if for only 10 minutes per day.

2. Always be learning. Just because you’re out of school doesn’t mean you should stop learning. In fact, now you can learn about subjects of your choosing! Pick something that interests you and dig in.

3. Give (volunteer time, money, material items/goods, or advice). We are meant to be part of a community or tribe. Don’t only live for yourself. That’s lonely. Live to help others – family, friends, and strangers.

4. Do something hard everyday. Try challenging yourself and overcoming obstacles. Go work out, build something with your hands, read a novel that makes you think, plant a garden…the bigger the hurdle, the bigger your reward when you overcome it.

5. Live/act in alignment with your morals…do what is right, even when it’s tough and even when nobody else is looking. Do not boast about this. You are doing what you’re supposed to do. Don’t do it for the reward of other people’s approval. This also involves “tough love.” Doing or saying what needs to be done or said for the betterment of that individual, even if it means telling them what they don’t want to hear.

6. Treat others with kindness, regardless of their status or what they can “give” to you. Think of “The Golden Rule.”

7. Do not attribute malice to what could be ignorance. Especially in today’s world, where it seems we assume anyone with a different opinion than ours is evil, maybe they just don’t know what they don’t know. Maybe they don’t have the life experience you have. They may be blind to certain situations because they haven’t seen it first hand. And guess what? The same can be said about you. You’re not an all-knowing, perfect, empathetic individual. And hopefully as you go through life you figure some new things out and change your opinions from time to time. It’s not flip-flopping. It’s growing.

8. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy. Be happy with what you have.

9. Care about/for something. If you have interests/hobbies, you will have something to look forward to. If you have to take care of something (like a pet, child, or parent) or if you have a cause you believe in, then you will find purpose in life.

10. Smile…it will make you feel better and it will make others feel better. Smiling is contagious. Try to spread it.

True wealth – it may be different than you think

What is enough for you? Will more of something make you happy or can you be content with what you have? How much “extra” do you need?

Surplus can lead to lifestyle creep. It can inflate your ego…are you buying that to impress others or do you actually gain enjoyment from it? Will you use it once and forget about it?

It’s important to keep pushing for more, but it’s also important to put everything in perspective. Money, fame, or “stuff” should never be prioritized over family, friendships, integrity, or health. True wealth is having strong relationships and good health.

Love vs admiration

For someone to know you and love you is more impressive than getting the admiration of those who only know your public persona. Anyone can put on a show in public, being on their best behavior, and most people do. So when you to let someone into your life and they see the real you, with all of your imperfections, and still love you? That’s what really matters.

Don’t worry about popularity or fame (which are always fleeting), just treat people well and try to do the right thing as much as you can. By doing this, you can help win the love and respect from those who truly matter.

Patience with teaching

It takes strength to be gentle. Anyone can be rude, but it takes self-control, strength, and discipline to be patient and caring.

For example, do you get easily annoyed (and show it) when others aren’t understanding what you’re explaining? Be gentle with them. Try to explain it in another way. Whether that means using a different example (verbally) or using a different teaching method (they may learn better by reading or doing instead of listening), if you really want them to understand what you’re talking about, you need to adapt your teaching style to how they learn best. Regardless of whether your other methods work, at the very minimum you’ll become a better teacher by learning how to use different teaching methods.

Lastly, if you really want someone to learn something, you can be firm with them, but don’t be rude or make disparaging remarks. While that may motivate some people, it will make even more people “shut down.” Then, not only do you lose your chance at a teachable moment, but you also hurt their self-esteem and lose their respect (if only temporarily) in the process.